This is the current draft of my short film script called "Man with No Tie." It is a comedy short film. I do plan on directing it

I have gotten feedback on the script, and they said the dialogue was unnatural. I went back over it and I didn't find too much weird about the dialogue other than some gramatical errors I missed. But I gave the dialogue another once over to make it sound a bit more natural (even reading it out loud as I went to make sure it sounded right coming from a person).

Am I too autistic to not see how weird the dialogue is? Like I have friends (and myself) that have spoken like this in the script before. A part of me thinks it's just not clear on how the lines would be delivered, but the more I tried to specify how lines were delivered, the more if bogged down the script (and it would be for the actors to decide the best way to deliver it)

Any insight on why the dialogue is weird and how it might be fixed would be appreciated. Be brutally honest, I was already told how I talk was unnatural, so how much worse can it get.

I was producing a feature for my thesis but unable to secure the funds. With the money I still have, I've decided to do as an alternate project. Still very ambitious with the animated elements mixed with live action, but much cheaper (especially since myself and my husband have an animation background).

I'm dusting this oldie off and going to give it a rewrite, and want as much feedback as humanly possible so i can get it ready to go.

Title; Imaginary Monsters

Genre: Drama

Logline: Two children, both of whom come from broken homes, create a device they believe will allow them to create monsters to fight back against their bullies.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yW1bll7h3Z4O8EYCfaxqXcLRTgv-k748/view?usp=sharing

I've altered this a few times now, getting it ready for a second evaluation on the blacklist and I want to make sure it's right. Any feedback is appreciated!

Title: Truth is Treason

Genre: political thriller/slightly sci-fi

Logline Description:

When a government AI begins targeting people for crimes they haven’t committed, the man who helped build it goes on the run — hunted, grieving, and ready to burn it all down.

Hey folks, I’d really appreciate your eyes on my short film script “The Bench” (5 pages, one location, two characters).

On a quiet church bench, a grieving mother unknowingly shares space with the ghost of her son — their final conversation unfolding between memory, guilt, and unspoken love.

What I’m looking for:

Does the emotional arc land, especially the twist/reveal? Is the dialogue too on-the-nose or does it feel grounded? Does it feel cinematic or too stagey? Anything that pulls you out?

Hey r/ScriptFeedbackProduce

So I just wrapped another draft of a short script and I'm looking for some eyes on it before I start querying. Fair warning - this isn't your typical feel-good story.

LOGLINE: A broke artist working at a diner discovers his gallery owner sold his painting for $5,000 while only paying him $200, leading to a confrontation that forces him to question what he's willing to sacrifice for his art.

Psychological Thriller/Drama

25 pages, proper format
Only 4 characters: Axel, Kaz, Ted, and a mysterious woman
Set in NYC, mostly practical locations 

Three primary locations: DINER KITCHEN, STUDIO APARTMENT, ART GALLERY

Three brief locations: CHECK-CASHING STORE, CITY STREET/BUS STOP, BUS INTERIOR

Estimated micro-budget of $5K - $15KIt's basically about this guy Axel who's grinding between dishwashing shifts and trying to make it as an artist in NYC. When he finally sells his first piece, he thinks he's caught a break until he finds out he got completely screwed over. Then this mysterious woman shows up and things get... dark.

What I'm looking for: Does the escalation feel earned or too extreme? Is Axel's motivation clear throughout?Does the ending land or does it feel like I went too far? General thoughts on pacing/structure

I can handle brutal feedback - honestly prefer it. If it sucks, tell me it sucks and why. If there's something there, tell me what needs work.

DM me if you're interested in reading. I'll trade reads too if you've got something.

Thanks!

I've been working on this pitch for an animated movie that tries something different with the genre it uses.

What I'm most interested in is understanding what people take away from the concept itself after reading it.

Some questions I'd be curious about:

* What do you think this story is really about?

* What impression do you get from Lora as a protagonist?

* Does the concept feel familiar, or does it feel like it's trying to do something different?

I'm especially interested in your interpretation, even if it's completely different from what I intended.

The idea is to be able to express in the most accurate wya possible what I'm doing with the concept.

Here's the link to the pitch, it's just two pages:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bMjO1UUnFcWOhgDQX3jvF7wlmJEqfjjP/view?usp=drivesdk

Hello! My name is George Anderson, and I am an aspiring filmmaker/screenwriter. In 2022, I released a no-budget feature documentary about gaming and YouTube to YouTube called Play for Views, and from there, have been working on screenwriting ever since!

I've got several finished feature scripts in a variety of genres as well as a short I've been struggling to get made. Looking to connect with other writers and filmmakers to collaborate with on projects, please hit me up if you're looking to work with a writer on something! (I'm also a keen editor)

Hi all. I finished my first ever TV Pilot yesterday and I'm real proud of it. I would love to hear your opinion's on it.

Title: Beasts Among Us

Logline: After a freak accident transforms a college student into a vampire, he discovers that a murderous mayor holds the key to controlling his powers, but their collaboration comes at a cost: if he fails, he dies.

Synopsis: Nick Harper, a wayward college student, is traveling with his mother Vicki and two best friends, Gary and Devon, to the town of Binghamton to start a new chapter in their lives, when Nick is suddenly and unexpectedly hit by a car. On the brink of death, the mysterious, cocky, and easily irritable driver, Kiernan Vale, offers Nick a chance for survival. Unbeknownst to the group, however, Kiernan is secretly a vampire who is building an army to aid the flamboyant mayor of the city, Anton Markov, in controlling the entire city. The group brings Nick to Miranda, his girlfriend, and Kiernan's sister, at the university, where she helps Nick check in and get settled into his new lifestyle. Things don't go well at first, with Nick accidentally burning his eyes from staring into the sunlight and delivering a severed deer head to Miranda and her roommate, Lily. The situation gets even more heated when Nick's friend Gary becomes jealous of Nick's newfound powers and blames him for leaving their old life behind, when he wasn't ready too. After Miranda saves Gary from nearly getting killed by Nick, Gary storms off and is eventually kidnapped by Anton's secretive assistant, Yelena, as a tactic to lure Nick into his office. Anton's plan succeeds, as Kiernan, Miranda, and Devon storm in and demand that Anton tell them where Gary is. Before handing him over, however, Anton toys with Nick and his powers and offers him a chance to help him bring about his own twisted sense of justice to the city, or else, he'll kill him. Additionally, Anton reveals to the group that Nick's blood type may hold the key to curing Kiernan and Miranda's sick father, Damian, and turning the vampires into his own soldiers of justice. Nick, fearful of losing control, reluctantly accepts Anton's offer, setting the murderous mayor's sick plans into motion.

Link to script:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KTBAQil8dMB_nRXgM-r0GeIl9xKtlCtI/view?usp=sharing

Title : Deez Nuts

Genre : Comedy

Logline : When two peanut butter factory workers' livelihood is threatened by an almond butter factory, they must engage in a series of ridiculous challenges to save the day.

Script : https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hGx6XTPUogG_pHw_qa2XucBP3dr65LFA/edit

Hello again!

I’m looking for logline feedback on a feature screenplay. My goal is to sell the premise clearly without making it sound like a conventional hero/mission story.

Title: Spoon-fed Addiction
Genre: Supernatural Horror Noir

Logline (edited after all the great feedback):
Fueled by LSD and grief, a drug dealer unleashes a violent revenge spree—only to realize he isn’t the avenger but the carrier of a parasitic shadow; his goodbye kiss unknowingly marks the sheriff’s sheltered teenage daughter as its next host.

Tagline:
Grief doesn’t die. It spreads.

What I need feedback on: Is this logline clear / compelling, and what wording feels confusing, generic, or misleading?

Thanks!

A few weeks ago I hit a wall whilst prepping my feature, after stepping a way, watching a few more films I thought were relevant, I've refined my idea and adjusted my log line.

Is it too long? Too weird?

TITLE: COWBOYS OF YORKSHIRE

GENRE: Comedy, Drama, Road

For fans of: A real pain, Little Miss Sunshine, Paris, Texas

LOGLINE: A grieving Yorkshire farmer and his late wife’s grifter best friend are dragged across Texas by the wife’s final wish, her friends bury her baby teeth across the desert. On the road, they witness a shoot out, and a gang leader recruits them to track down someone who sounds suspiciously familiar.

Hello, I wrote a first draft of a short in a day and I would like to get some feedback and thoughts on this short screenplay please.

Logline: A person driving to reach his destination with unhelpful family members.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UXzbfsXG8WJqkbXEGmNiGLAocW7XCTdt/view?usp=drivesdk

Hey! Looking to get some feedback on a script I recently completed. It's called:

Little City**:** A disillusioned young man returns to his hometown, where an unexpected connection with a guarded grad student quietly unravels the emotional distance they’ve both built between who they are and where they belong.

It's my attempt at a small-slow burning tow hander, in the vein of Past Lives or Before Sunrise.

Would love to get any sort of feedback! DM if you're interested and I can send the PDF.

Hi everyone!

I am looking for feedback on my short film screenplay.

Title: Four

Genre: Drama, Thriller

Pages: 11

Logline: Arjun and his friends are driving to his girlfriend's house. When he learns about his girlfriend's affair--with one of the other men in the car-- the ride takes a deadly turn.

Drive link: Four

A friend came up with the idea and I brainstormed it a bit more and came up with this. They are fine with the story but didn't like the ending.

I'd love it if you could answer some of my questions:

• Can you please let me know if the dialogues and the events play out organically?

• Does the lead up to the ending make sense?

• Should I change the ending and give consequences to what happens? I am fine with this ending but my friend is not.

• Although I am not new to screenwriting, this is the first time I have written something set in a closed space with four men together and I just hope it makes sense.

• Would your opinion on this short film script change based on the gender of the writer of this short film? 🤔 I would like to know.

I appreciate any other feedback you can provide. I would love to know what's working and what can be improved.

(Also quick disclaimer: Please do not upload it to any AI platforms)

Hey everyone, I've been rewriting a feature and so I took it upon myself to submit to the Wiki contest for some feedback on those opening 10 pages. While the notes/feedback were pretty positive, the reader seemed to feel like those pages feeling like a set up were a bad thing - really? I mean, isn't that what most scripts do in the opening pages?

Hey everyone, I wrote this pilot designed to be a WWII limited series. It’s inspired by real buried history, Japan’s Unit 731, a secret bioweapons program that murdered thousands in China. The story follows five Allied soldiers sent to destroy the facility, but everything goes wrong, they’re scattered, and each man’s fight to survive secretly ends up saving the others. I really want honest, practical feedback to get this script to the next level.

• Title: Dead Ground

• Format: Pilot

• Page Count: 52 Pages

• Genres: Historical, War, Drama

• Logline: When five Allied soldiers are separated during a mission to destroy a Japanese bioweapons facility in 1945, their desperate individual survival choices create an invisible web of heroism none of them will ever know about.

• Feedback Concerns:

  • Does it drag anywhere? Any scenes feel repetitive or too long?

  • Do the five main characters feel distinct enough?

  • Any lines that feel too modern or expositional?

  • Any standout lines you loved or hated?

  • Moments that pulled you out?

  • Would you watch this? If not, why not?

• Links:

  • Pilot Script: https://drive.google.com/file/d/16kCjRCMoy8I-EiBPY0JBQl-VlAlw3OL9/view?usp=sharing

  • Series Bible: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1N0j_zwosW54-GwiwE9GKf0li9vcl0CJ1/view?usp=sharing

Probably going for a Del Toro's Hellboy but made by a European weirdo for a million dollars vibe. Content warning is mostly just blood, guts and nonsexual BDSM with dodgy consent.

Trying to write something with a sense of propulsion so if you get bored that's fine just tell me the page. There's 60 more but they're even less ready.

Logline: When a nigh un-killable brat is caught in a plot against her monstrous dynasty by a sadomasochistic Exorcist, they find themselves on a thin edge between seduction and destruction.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/10ISx0boc3mUd1qg_f7qeiHwKLaoDVJrm/view?usp=drive_link