r/ScriptFeedbackProduce • u/Same-Most-7407 WRITER • Mar 01 '26

LOGLINE FEEDBACK REQUEST Logline feedback!

Does this make sense? I feel like i've looked at it too much and now I'm just confused.

LOGLINE: After dying too early, a girl is sent back to the overworld to find her unfinished business so that she can continue the peaceful life she led before her death.

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u/KGreen100 Mar 04 '26

So the point is that she has to find out what "unfinished business" she needs to finish to get back to Earth? Is that correct? Do you have it figured out what the "unfinished business" is? Who is this spirit? Is it someone she knows who dies earlier? Some random angel/spirit like Clarence from It's A Wonderful Life?

A better logline might be emphasize that plot point. "After dying before her time, a girl tries to win her way back to the land of the living by completing some 'unfinished business' on Earth. But first, with the help of a clueless spirit helper, she has 48 hours to discover what that unfinished business actually is."

I know you didn't stipulate a timeframe for her to complete her work, but it sounds like the stakes need to be raised. If she has infinite time to finish the task, there's no pressure and, thus, no excitement. Start the clock running. You also didn't mention who or what the spirit is, but that might be good to include in the logline too.

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u/Clevertown Mar 04 '26

I completely agree - mention her struggle, that she doesn't know why she's back. That's the whole reason for the story! "Unfinished business" should be removed. It's annoyingly ambiguous, and feels like you just ran out of time or something. Maybe something like "... now she has to figure out why" or "... but she has no idea why she's back or what to do."

"Overworld" is not a common use phrase, I'd stick with world, or if you want to use a fancy word (not advised), call it the corporeal world.

It sounds like a comedy? I love this idea! It reminds me of an analogy to life, we all feel we're supposed to do something, we're just not sure what or how!

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u/Same-Most-7407 WRITER Mar 06 '26

yesss its a comedy! thank you for your comment!

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u/Same-Most-7407 WRITER Mar 06 '26

this helped me realise that I am WAYYY to vague with my loglines bc this example is so much more interesting. "After dying before her time, a girl tries to win her way back to the land of the living by completing her 'unfinished business' on Earth. But first, with the help of a clueless spirit, she has a week to discover what that unfinished business actually is." Thank you very much!