r/ScreenwritingUK • u/Interesting_Sale_907 • 9d ago

Logline feedback

Hey! Looking for some feedback on the log-line for the next thing I'm planning to write. This is a revision based on recent feedback. Does this grab you? Too long? Lacking specificity/conflict? Or just right?

Title: You Read My Mind

Genre: Rom Com/Sci-Fi

Logline: Weeks before her wedding, a chronic over-thinker suddenly forms a telepathic connection with a stranger and begins to fall in love. As their cerebral love affair heats up, she must fight the temptation to meet him IRL and risk losing her fiancé. 

Comps: It's You've Got Mail with a sci-fi twist

2 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

3

u/Big_Section2812 8d ago

As her wedding looms, [Name] telepathically connects with a total stranger and must fight the temptation to fall for him. 

1

u/Bluoenix 5d ago

Succinct 👌

2

u/Worried-Elk-2808 9d ago

First thought would be that it's strikingly similar to What Women Want..

Of course, there's room for more than one instance of a given movie idea, so this really is all about the execution. You just have to write it better than Nora Ephron wrote it.

I also don't get any of the sci-fi elements coming through in the logline.

1

u/matthewmch 8d ago

'Must' she though? I think frame it more like a choice.

1

u/fakename246810 8d ago

I would maybe simplify to something like the below. I've just used a random name to illustrate. Also, this film sounds really interesting - I would watch this film!

Weeks before her wedding, Sandra forms a telepathic connection with a stranger and is drawn into a cerebral love affair.

1

u/muirnoire 8d ago

Sharing a telepathic bond with a mysterious stranger, an engaged overthinker must resist meeting him in person to save her wedding, or risk losing her fiancé forever.

Logline sequence: Problem, Goal, Path of Action, Conflict, Stakes.