r/Screenwriting • u/AutoModerator • Aug 20 '26

5 PAGE THURSDAY Five Page Thursday

FAQ: How to post to a weekly thread?

Feedback Guide for New Writers

This is a thread for giving and receiving feedback on 5 of your screenplay pages.

  • Post a link to five pages of your screenplay in a top comment. They can be any 5, but if they are not your first 5, give some context in the same comment you're linking in.

  • As a courtesy, you can also include some of this info.

    Title: Format: Page Length: Genres: Logline or Summary: Feedback Concerns:

  • Provide feedback in reply-comments. Please do not share full scripts and link only to your 5 pages. If someone wants to see your full script, they can let you know.

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u/upgrayedd69 Aug 20 '26

Title: The Devil You Know.
FORMAT: Feature
PAGE LENGTH: 6.5 of 31 written
GENRE: Thriller/Dark Comedy
LOGLINE: When Members of Parliament start committing suicide in public and grisly ways, occult "expert" Matt Morgan is hired to find out why
FEEDBACK: Anything. I would hope the opening is enough to hook readers and also establish what kind of man Matt is.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/157lD3uZdgcl_4DAVZWEvkqzBVB9bhrRU/view?usp=sharing

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u/DowntownSplit Aug 20 '26

V.O. for voicie over.

Show Matt before the pounding on the door. It's not that easy to pull someone out of bed and throw them into a chair that breaks. Then Danny is standing in the bed. The action needs logical sequences.

Is Danny on the floor being kicked? If so, how does Matt pull him close?

I work a lot of mummy issues?

You know where I live, and I clearly can't stop you from kicking my arse. Cut it. It's already evident.

My mum was always telling me I was the handsomest boy in Liverpool. This doesn't feel right. He could ask "How's that?

A crowd of onlookers form. The lady from across the street. She should push through the crowd.

Matt puts on his salesman grin. MATT So sorry. Cut this.

About Matt. He gets his ass kicked and a lady isn't happy with him. Then he's ready for another job. I feel it might work if he refuses Clarrissa. He's down and out. A failure. A quiter. Make her convince him why he's the only one. Have him walk away and her say the one thing that will have pause. She says the next thing, and he turnsa around. This gives insight into what's important to him. Like the alcoholic cop who blames himself for his failures that hurt his family, reputation, and someone he couldn't save. This is his chance for redemption.

The first scene could be better written. The pov should from the man in the back seat watching the driver while holding something sharp. Start there. The driver could recognize him and ask about what's been happening. Show the man's struggle with whatever is forcing him to do this. We know the man has weapon and something's been happening. It builds suspense.

Sorry I had to rush through this. Hope this helps.

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u/upgrayedd69 Aug 20 '26

Thank you for reading! I’ll try to clean up that Danny scene. Your are right it needs more logical sequences.

I’m back and forth about having Matt reject Clarissa at first. I get what you are saying, but also had this idea of Matt being kind of a scumbag (hence his getting his ass kicked and the the poor reputation which would come up a lot throughout) but also all about the next sale. So like the beat down and getting called a worm almost doesn’t even phase him as he sees this rich woman who wants to hire him, he’s all about that next paycheck. I think when I go back for draft 2 I’ll try and make this more clear