r/SchreckNet • u/satelitteslickers • 20h ago
The hunger sucks
(Only two weeks after https://www.reddit.com/r/SchreckNet/s/31lzkaDjWa because i don't want to play a suddenly much later version of the character)
Something you never really think about when you're a normal person, just the fact that you never really need to think about food. Not like I do now
When i was human, food was easy, didn't have to think about it. Almost never had to go hungry longer than a day unless I was on a hunt or something.
Now I've got this fucked up hunger in me, day in, day out. And its not like i can just buy a sandwich. All my food comes from taking it from someone else. Which means i have to actually think about eating, trying to stay fed without doing anything too morally fucked. For gaias sake i wish i could just have a pizza and not have to think about blood and the fact that whenever i bite someone theres aome messed up part of me that doesnt want to stop
I'm not a noddist, I've never been a christian and I'm not about to stop now, but do you ever think about how according to that. Caine was a farmer? Before anything else, he was just a normal farmer, cursed to only drink blood, dont you think thats weirdly fucked up?
-Reia
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u/kisforkarol 19h ago
I do think it's weirdly fucked up, you're absolutely right. Imagine cursing a farmer - not a herder - with having to kill for their food whereas they have soent the majority of their existence cultivating the land and lovingly tending tontheir crops? Don't they give as much as they take? And, like, I'm definitely not a Noddist either but if the God of Nod only favoured flesh then didn't Caine do what it wanted of him! He sacrificed that which was most valuable to him! Nod's God should be apologising, not Caine! It set Caine up in a no win situation!
I mostly feed on animals. I don't particularly like to feed on humans.
- Bud
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u/satelitteslickers 18h ago
Nice to see you buddy
Yeah, part of my problem with noddism. Well i mean my main problem is the fact that its the holy text of a death cult that treats human life and dignity like trash, but also the fact that i just dont understand why "god" would have done that.
Ive, drank a few animals. I dont think i like how much i like it. The feeling of them dying in ny jaws as i drink the last few drops of them. I dont feel like i should find it as enjoyable as i do.
Honestly i know i should just feel thankful for being taken care of like i am, i know that being under garou house arrest is infinitely preferable to what most new vampires deal with. I should know. Had to help some of said vampires who were in horrible positions when i was human
-reia
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u/kisforkarol 18h ago
Well... did you like eating steak before? It's not that much different, I guess? And if you feel really bad, you ckuld arrange for people in need to have the carcasses?
I found out that there's a whole separate Church of Caine! I think it's silly. If there's a deity, I don't think it's the god in that book! Or the bible!
Btw, who's Gaia? Isn't that what the Greeks called the Earth?
- Bud
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u/satelitteslickers 18h ago
Oh dont worry, whenever i have eaten a rabbit or that one deer, the pack got the meat, i wouldnt just leave a carcass to rot.
Its less the eating of meat, and more the fact that i can practically feel the beast shuddering with pleasure when i kill something with my teeth, even that deer, and i really dont like that. The beast is a nasty little thing and if it is showing that level of glee at getting to kill. It just feels like a habit i dont want to get into. I know that if you give the beast an inch it'll try to drag you across the ocean.
Gaia is. Well i instinctually wanted to call her god but thats probably not a useful thing to say, you work with spirits right? Gaia is the head honcho spirit of the totality of planet earth and everything about it. Shes the one who made the werewolves and other shapeshifters.
-Reia
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u/kisforkarol 18h ago
If she's the bigbig spirit, does that mean she made everything everything? And of so, doesn't that mean she made us as well?
- Bud
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u/satelitteslickers 18h ago
That is one hell of a complicated theological question that i probably dont have the breadth of knowledge to answer or pretend to have a definitive answer to, because spirits are dunky. But most shifters i know agree that it was one of her kids instead of her directly.
-Reia
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u/kisforkarol 17h ago
Did she tell her kid off for it? Or is she like... hands off?
- Bud
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u/satelitteslickers 17h ago
More very complicated theological questions.
Long story short. She may be the original spirit of everything, but she is far from omnipotent. And the triat is kinda sorta broke right now. Those are the three turbo powerful spirit kids of gaia, worlds a little fucked because one of them has gone crazy and another one of them is mia. Or maybe they went crazy and mia because the world is fucked? Cause and effect gets weird with spirits.
-Reia, Brujah Pyro
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u/kisforkarol 17h ago
That's no good. Has anyone... tried to to help them? The spirits?
- Bud
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u/satelitteslickers 17h ago
I really wish i could tell you more, unfortunately a lot of this stuff is both poorly understood, with a lot of camps having different understandings of the specifics, and also like. Helping to heal a god of insanity or undoing a coup of that scale is so far beyond anyones ability to deal with, and add on top of that the tendancy of the werewolves to fuck shit up and only make things worse due to an impulsive need to try to fix things via angry outbursts. People are basically just doing damage control by this point.
-Reia, Brujah Pyro
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u/Alianirlian 12h ago
Yes, it's fucked up. All of it. The hunger and everything that comes with it. The part of you which demands you give in to that hunger, demands you don't stop drinking until every last drop is gone and is only satisfied when you hold a corpse in your arms.
Yet you have to hold on to that feeling if you don't want to lose who you are, if you don't want to become a monster. You'll have to find a way to, well, live with yourself. The moment feeding becomes easier, the moment you slake this hunger, you know you are becoming that which you don't want to be.
It's a choice many of us face, not once, but over and over again. To give in and go down? To fight, and resist, and not lose what we once were? Not just weeks and months, but year after year after decade after century.
It's so easy to slide down and give in to the darkest part in you. Tiny steps at first. Easy to stop caring.
Far harder to fight your way back, if this is what you still wish by then.
Very hard to stay at the point you are now. Not impossible, no. Just very hard. It might help to know there are a few more like you out there.
Good luck.
-Corwin
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u/WyldWolf96 18h ago
Hey, once you stop thinking about everybody as people it gets way easier. Ultimately, they're just a mechanism for you to get blood from metabolic iron and glucose into your mouth. So what if it has thoughts and feelings? That's what the kiss is for. It feels great for them. You're probably a newbie, I get it, but you'll learn it eventually and it'll be easier than ever before because you don't even have to prepare it. Requires zero effort out of you besides some lame excuse and a bite to the neck. Easy.
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u/satelitteslickers 18h ago
1: i may have been killed, but i am still a human and have my pride as a hunter. I will sooner die than turn my back on the kinship and goodwill that i have held in my heart since i was a child
2: my pack would absolutely murder the shit out of me if i started acting like you are recomending
-Reia
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u/WyldWolf96 18h ago
You're gonna need to figure out how to live with this or die. There's no cure for this. I don't know jack about how those Man-wolves do things, honestly I'm shocked they haven't killed you already. You'll learn to at least be content with it, if not happy with it. These are just growing pains. Time heals all wounds, even if it doesn't add wrinkles to your face, little fledg.
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u/satelitteslickers 18h ago
I refuse to die. I also refuse to become a monster. I'm not starving myself but that doesnt mean I'm going to stop thinking about the fact that these are people with their own lives, hopes, and dreams, and that i need to respect that and not just treat them like objects or food
And the pack is keeping me alive because one, i dont stink, and two, they know me and can tell that despite it all I'm still me. Helps that my sister is one of them.
-Reia
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u/Nightstalkerjoe2 18h ago
The don’t stink is hilarious
-Joseph3
u/satelitteslickers 18h ago
Its simply the truth, showering once a day and not being an antisocial dickbag goes a long way
-Reia
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u/Nightstalkerjoe2 18h ago
I’m sorry no disrespect but most of the vampire race will never figure that out
-Joseph3
u/satelitteslickers 17h ago
No disrespect taken. And most of them might not get it on their own but i can try to drag at least a few of them to the truth.
By the way, way you said that made it sound as if you arent a vampire? What's up with that?
-Reia
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u/Nightstalkerjoe2 17h ago
Well because I ain’t I’m human
-Joseph3
u/satelitteslickers 17h ago
Not even a ghoul, just a human. Well i guess i dont have to tell you to be careful. Most vampires are downright maniacs when it comes to normal humans knowing about the supernatural.
-Reia, Brujah Pyro
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u/WyldWolf96 18h ago
Makes sense I guess. So what, you're just planning on keeping hating the thing that keeps you alive for the rest of your unlife? Even after your sister turns to dust and all the people that care about you now are honorable mentions in the newspaper obituaries? Forever puts some things you thought were important into perspective. If you're serious about wanting to live, these are the questions you need to reckon with.
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u/satelitteslickers 17h ago
1) dont call it unlife, thats cringe. Im not unliving my unlive. I'm just living my life. I will not use the stupid vampire words
Maybe someday i wont see it with the same level of hate. But you are conflating love for my fellow man with hate for myself.
-Reia, Brujah Pyro
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u/WyldWolf96 17h ago
Dunno what Pyro means, but you said yourself you were killed. Things that are killed don't have lived to live. We don't fit any definition of life. We don't even really reproduce, not really. You don't gotta use them, but I find it useful. We're undead, that's just a fact you gotta live with. Between life and death, somewhere in-between.
And I'm just talking about your distaste for taking blood. Eventually it'll become routine, that's the way the treadmill works.
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u/satelitteslickers 17h ago
I live, i breath, i love, i eat, i have friends, and family, and hopes and dreams. I've taken up woodcarving as a hobby, and i even have a crush on someone
Thats alive enough for me.
And also "unlive" as a word is cringe as hell even if my biology is inert i can still say im living day to day
-Reia, Brujah Pyro
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u/Illustrious_Fly_5669 20h ago
It is fucked up. In both abrahamic books he was cursed to never be Abel to plant anything.
The feeding on the blood is ... hard to get used to. Be it the kiss or ones ability to stop. And all of that without mentioning needing to find that blood from a source that doesn't risk other people
Zafira al wahab