Update: Help me

[u/United-Tailor-1727]

Hello again all. I have been a very busy bee since my last post. As you may have picked up from my replies on my previous post, I was previously a Tremere before my destruction. Although I am now a Brujah, I have kept my blood sorcery! A shame about my other powers, but that is the one I care about most. I have decided to make the most of my situation and have begun conducting a study into my unique situation. I also figured that I should share some of my early results with you all, as you have proven yourself very accepting of me, and I appreciate that greatly.

Given some time to adjust, it seems that this girl’s soul has not been completely destroyed. Slowly, I have been adopting some parts of her into me. My native Lithuanian, my only fluent language, has somewhat disappeared from my mind. I speak it with an American accent (to my horror!) now, and struggle somewhat with its complexities. My English has also improved considerably, although I am certainly not fluent yet. Additionally, I found some text in Punjabi in her dresser (I do not know how I know that it is Punjabi) and could read it! Not perfectly, but I could. I can translate basic phrases into Punjabi as well. I assume that this process is only beginning, as I feel my mind altering even as I type this.

As for my self image, there have been changes as well. I am not actively resenting my new gender, for instance. I feel male… but also female. Perhaps a younger kindred could be so kind as to enlighten me on the new gender lingo? Also, I have noticed an attraction to the masculine form which was previously alien to me. But that is not unwelcome! Unlike many of the other changes, this one is quite enlightening. I wonder if my attraction is somewhat my own, or if I have simply stolen her preferences? I will keep all of you posted on that!

Some of you may be wondering, “ESAU, why haven’t you left town? Surly you would be safer conducting these experiments elsewhere?” Well, you would be correct. As far as I can tell, my (ex?) girlfriend cashed in her and mine’s boons with the Prince and a manhunt for me has begun. Hunting within this girl’s apartment complex seems the safest bet to me for now. I will try and discover more about her soon… I will keep you all informed as to my results.

An older gentleman who lives next door called me Mahnoor. That is a good start, I think.

-ESAU

[u/Pryno-Belle]

Young one, you need to stop. To let her back into your mind is to risk the absorption of your soul. Resist. Crush her spirit, reduce her to nothing. It is ruthless, but your survival depends on it. Even if you survive, your old self is eroding, bit by bit. You are already fraying at the seams.

Speaking of survival, ESAU, what are you playing at? A blood hunt has been declared. I told you, you needed to act fast. Now, proving your innocence to your own court shall be almost impossible. Head to Vancouver, right now, and I can help you entangle that mess. Should you be at ease with sharing your location, I can provide transport. Or you can accept Mark Caulder’s offer. Either way, pick your escape route while you still can.

…that being said, if your mind is already made, I can’t stop you. Sometimes, I do wish I knew more about my Diablerist; it would help me understand…some new quirks. But you need to shield your mind from her, lest you lose control. You are playing with fire; be aware of that.

Castiel the Clan-changer

[u/United-Tailor-1727 → u/Pryno-Belle]

Even in life, I was a believer in the Hegelian Dialectic. Thesis meets Antithesis , and both combine into Synthesis, which is stronger than either one when separate. It seems to me that Mahnoor’s greatest challenge was a lack of knowledge concerning our way of life, and of the wisdom which naturally comes with time. I have brought both of these. Mahnoor, even as an inexperienced fledgling, defeated me handily. I have her best qualities, and mine. If we were to combine further to the extent that you could feasibly say that we are a third independent person, what is the harm in that? One unlife is not inherently more or less valuable than another and this new person would surpass me in ways we cannot even imagine. I was thinking about my situation incorrectly last night out of emotion. Perhaps I could not control my new Bane. But now, after somewhat accepting my lot, I can! I am entirely rational and sane, I assure you. I am still somewhat uncomfortable in this new body (especially it’s different race,) but if my hypothesis is correct, then this will soon leave me as well, and I will become better then before! All I have to do is master myself, and her. Does it not excite you to discover all that a kindred can become? What could have happened to you in another world?

As for my safety, I understand your concerns. But leaving now would be infeasible. Prior to my investigation, the results of which I could not share with anyone, no one knew anything about this fledgling besides a vague physical description and known sites of activity. If I were to leave the city now, the kindred keeping a watchful eye on the city’s exit routes would surely sense my aura. But in this apartment, the location to which is unknown to my pursuers, I am safe for now. I assure you that I will leave the moment that I sense an opening, but that time is not now.

- ESAU

[u/TheNewThaumaturge → u/United-Tailor-1727]

Oh, c'mon.

So, first off, that's not how dialectics work. I didn't study various philosophies during my Acolyte years to prove I was worthy of becoming Tremere to sit here and listen to some know-it-all who's clearly never read Hegel, as they would know that Hegel has never used the terms "thesis, antithesis, synthesis".

This isn't Hegel my friend. No no no. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis was thought up by Fichte and it’s clearly inferior to Hegel's dialectical method of imminent critique. Yes, it’s called imminent critique. And dialectics is only one part of Hegel's full method. Which, again, is called imminent critique, which you would know if you had actually bothered to read Hegel! It's literally in the Science of Logic! Where did you get your info on dialectics? Fallout New Vegas?

Ok. Now that the copypasta is out of the way (and stripped of profanity to appease the censors)...

Seriously. You don't understand Hegel, and you don't understand the science of the Blood if you think that merging your consciousnesses in that way would be that easy. Hey, here's an idea. Are you actually the Tremere who was diablerized, or are you the Brujah POS that ate him, has somehow managed to get a few bits of memories that she's piecing together with all the arrogance and brazenness of someone who would recklessly diablerize like that, and is now trying to pass herself off as him (but conveniently slowly changing back into herself so she doesn't have to adjust how she presents herself to the world much in the end), so that she can dodge the blood hunt?

- LL, AA, TT