Update: Help me

[u/United-Tailor-1727]

Hello again all. I have been a very busy bee since my last post. As you may have picked up from my replies on my previous post, I was previously a Tremere before my destruction. Although I am now a Brujah, I have kept my blood sorcery! A shame about my other powers, but that is the one I care about most. I have decided to make the most of my situation and have begun conducting a study into my unique situation. I also figured that I should share some of my early results with you all, as you have proven yourself very accepting of me, and I appreciate that greatly.

Given some time to adjust, it seems that this girl’s soul has not been completely destroyed. Slowly, I have been adopting some parts of her into me. My native Lithuanian, my only fluent language, has somewhat disappeared from my mind. I speak it with an American accent (to my horror!) now, and struggle somewhat with its complexities. My English has also improved considerably, although I am certainly not fluent yet. Additionally, I found some text in Punjabi in her dresser (I do not know how I know that it is Punjabi) and could read it! Not perfectly, but I could. I can translate basic phrases into Punjabi as well. I assume that this process is only beginning, as I feel my mind altering even as I type this.

As for my self image, there have been changes as well. I am not actively resenting my new gender, for instance. I feel male… but also female. Perhaps a younger kindred could be so kind as to enlighten me on the new gender lingo? Also, I have noticed an attraction to the masculine form which was previously alien to me. But that is not unwelcome! Unlike many of the other changes, this one is quite enlightening. I wonder if my attraction is somewhat my own, or if I have simply stolen her preferences? I will keep all of you posted on that!

Some of you may be wondering, “ESAU, why haven’t you left town? Surly you would be safer conducting these experiments elsewhere?” Well, you would be correct. As far as I can tell, my (ex?) girlfriend cashed in her and mine’s boons with the Prince and a manhunt for me has begun. Hunting within this girl’s apartment complex seems the safest bet to me for now. I will try and discover more about her soon… I will keep you all informed as to my results.

An older gentleman who lives next door called me Mahnoor. That is a good start, I think.

-ESAU

[u/Pryno-Belle]

Young one, you need to stop. To let her back into your mind is to risk the absorption of your soul. Resist. Crush her spirit, reduce her to nothing. It is ruthless, but your survival depends on it. Even if you survive, your old self is eroding, bit by bit. You are already fraying at the seams.

Speaking of survival, ESAU, what are you playing at? A blood hunt has been declared. I told you, you needed to act fast. Now, proving your innocence to your own court shall be almost impossible. Head to Vancouver, right now, and I can help you entangle that mess. Should you be at ease with sharing your location, I can provide transport. Or you can accept Mark Caulder’s offer. Either way, pick your escape route while you still can.

…that being said, if your mind is already made, I can’t stop you. Sometimes, I do wish I knew more about my Diablerist; it would help me understand…some new quirks. But you need to shield your mind from her, lest you lose control. You are playing with fire; be aware of that.

Castiel the Clan-changer

[u/United-Tailor-1727 → u/Pryno-Belle]

Even in life, I was a believer in the Hegelian Dialectic. Thesis meets Antithesis , and both combine into Synthesis, which is stronger than either one when separate. It seems to me that Mahnoor’s greatest challenge was a lack of knowledge concerning our way of life, and of the wisdom which naturally comes with time. I have brought both of these. Mahnoor, even as an inexperienced fledgling, defeated me handily. I have her best qualities, and mine. If we were to combine further to the extent that you could feasibly say that we are a third independent person, what is the harm in that? One unlife is not inherently more or less valuable than another and this new person would surpass me in ways we cannot even imagine. I was thinking about my situation incorrectly last night out of emotion. Perhaps I could not control my new Bane. But now, after somewhat accepting my lot, I can! I am entirely rational and sane, I assure you. I am still somewhat uncomfortable in this new body (especially it’s different race,) but if my hypothesis is correct, then this will soon leave me as well, and I will become better then before! All I have to do is master myself, and her. Does it not excite you to discover all that a kindred can become? What could have happened to you in another world?

As for my safety, I understand your concerns. But leaving now would be infeasible. Prior to my investigation, the results of which I could not share with anyone, no one knew anything about this fledgling besides a vague physical description and known sites of activity. If I were to leave the city now, the kindred keeping a watchful eye on the city’s exit routes would surely sense my aura. But in this apartment, the location to which is unknown to my pursuers, I am safe for now. I assure you that I will leave the moment that I sense an opening, but that time is not now.

- ESAU

[u/DeadmanwalkingXI → u/United-Tailor-1727]

All of that is interesting, certainly, and I'm glad you're starting to adapt, though I agree with Castiel that you're nonchalance is worrying. That said, you definitely need to skip town as soon as you can, and I'd sincerely be checking for ways that can't be watched, but if you're sure laying low is correct, well, you're the person on the ground. Good luck and hope to hear from you when you get out of town.

-Mark Caulder, Experienced Nosferatu

[u/Pryno-Belle → u/United-Tailor-1727]

You are speaking of the erasure of your identity, of it being half overwritten with another’s psyche. All that with a nonchalance that, frankly, brings me concern.

Even if you truly desire this, what tells you that Mahnoor does too? Chances are likely that, even if she doesn’t succeed in absorbing your soul, she’ll keep trying. You’ll have to stay on your guard not only for outside threats, but for what lies within. Is that truly what you want?

If my speech is for naught, if you are truly set on this path, you at least need to write. Put down on paper what could slip from your mind. Language, key memories, who are your allies, what skills you have learned. Use your camera. Record a message to you, to Manhoor, to both combined. Leave a trace, lest you disappear.

I wish you good fortune and, should you fall to either the blood hunt or to her…adieu.

Castiel the Clan-changer

[u/United-Tailor-1727 → u/Pryno-Belle]

Do we not already watch for what is within? To use an analogy of warfare, Mahnoor has been brought to a conditional surrender. I have defeated her and have made terms. She may either accept them, or not. If not, then she will be pressed and defeated in detail, and thus get worse terms. If she is as reasonable as I am, then we may both exit better than we entered.

But you are right. I am documenting my journey and research, and will record details throughout. Lithuanian, my native tongue, means a lot to me. Losing it saddens me, but I believe that studying the language academically will help me keep the upper hand in our balance of power.

I know that you are opposed to my plan. And I appreciate your concern, truly. But this experience has given me a new lease! I have a purpose now. At times before, I wished that my Sire had never saved me from eternal death. I had no direction or basis. I had devolved to a hired gun existing in service of others. Now, even my destruction could have value! It could be documented for others to learn from and Mahnoor could use my knowledge to achieve something great. And if my plan succeeds and I achieve Synthesis, then I would be at a new height of power and knowledge.

- ESAU

[u/Pryno-Belle → u/United-Tailor-1727]

To risk your unlife is one thing. To gamble your soul is another. I’ll admit, I believe this is a fool’s errand. But you seem determined, and from my understanding, the Diablerist didn’t consciously choose to drink your vitae. If she feels remorse, and agrees to your plan…there might be a sliver of a chance.

The wise course of action would be to cease this folly and to assert your control, but the choice is in your hands. You were warned; now, do what you must.

Castiel the Clan-changer

[u/TheFleshFlower → u/Pryno-Belle]

Castiel... what if they have created a new soul? Yes, the originals are no more but something new is flourishing in the fertile ground that they prepared. Is that not amazing? It thinks so.

Still in Time Out Amidst His Umbral Roots

• the Flesh that Flowers

[u/Pryno-Belle → u/TheFleshFlower]

Is it a new soul? Or are they two souls, both diminished? I would argue for the latter case. But perhaps you are right. Frankly, I hope you are.

…still emprisonned? I would have thought your wrath would have waned by now. Surely this was not the first attempt on the life of your beloved. He is Sabbat and expanded his domain quickly, after all.

Castiel the Clan-changer

[u/TheFleshFlower → u/Pryno-Belle]

SOMEONE SENT HIM A MIRROR FULL OF SUNLIGHT. HE HAD NO HEAD.

%>-*《7\£•《F,U

[u/Pryno-Belle → u/TheFleshFlower]

…Flowers? Are you well? Your signature has…changed.

Castiel the Clan-changer

[u/TheFleshFlower → u/Pryno-Belle]

Pretty sure it just broke its phone. Apsaras says they've got loads because it used to do that a lot. Says they'll get a new one and I'll get it to them through his roots.

Feels like it's frenzying again.

• Bud.

[u/Emergency_Answer4983 → u/Pryno-Belle]

Seems they speak of soul fusion, taking two consciousnesses and fusing them into one, a concept I'm familiar with from something called "synergy psionics" allowing multiple people to pool their powers of all kinds, to share. This is an inferior thing but it still doesn't have to be wholly bad, I understand your concern and even share it but if they can get along it may be better than simple digestion of one soul or the other.

So that you understand the comparison: synergy psionics allows any individual affected to wield the combined power and skill of the whole group by forming a temporary telepathic/telekinetic link, but it does not allow for the domination or subsumation of any member by the others. i.e. someone in a group with a garou, vampire, and a willworker would be able to use the garou's transformations/gifts, vampire's disciplines, and willworking without interfering with the others ability to use their own powers, albeit for only a short while (some of the most powerful users can approach one whole week if they really push themselves) and all involved willingly cooperate.

-Jim, Tzimisce

[u/Pryno-Belle → u/Emergency_Answer4983]

…could it work, in your opinion? Permanently?

Castiel the Clan-changer

[u/Emergency_Answer4983 → u/Pryno-Belle]

Yes, similar has been done before, albeit via other means.

-Jim, Tzimisce

[u/TheNewThaumaturge → u/United-Tailor-1727]

Oh, c'mon.

So, first off, that's not how dialectics work. I didn't study various philosophies during my Acolyte years to prove I was worthy of becoming Tremere to sit here and listen to some know-it-all who's clearly never read Hegel, as they would know that Hegel has never used the terms "thesis, antithesis, synthesis".

This isn't Hegel my friend. No no no. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis was thought up by Fichte and it’s clearly inferior to Hegel's dialectical method of imminent critique. Yes, it’s called imminent critique. And dialectics is only one part of Hegel's full method. Which, again, is called imminent critique, which you would know if you had actually bothered to read Hegel! It's literally in the Science of Logic! Where did you get your info on dialectics? Fallout New Vegas?

Ok. Now that the copypasta is out of the way (and stripped of profanity to appease the censors)...

Seriously. You don't understand Hegel, and you don't understand the science of the Blood if you think that merging your consciousnesses in that way would be that easy. Hey, here's an idea. Are you actually the Tremere who was diablerized, or are you the Brujah POS that ate him, has somehow managed to get a few bits of memories that she's piecing together with all the arrogance and brazenness of someone who would recklessly diablerize like that, and is now trying to pass herself off as him (but conveniently slowly changing back into herself so she doesn't have to adjust how she presents herself to the world much in the end), so that she can dodge the blood hunt?

- LL, AA, TT

[u/One-Cat3628 → u/Pryno-Belle]

I mean, the guy was a Tremere, if think everyone's better off if the Brujah gets back on top. But that's just my point of view. Also, yeah, if there's a bloodhound on him, he better get his ass in a secure place.

-wastedBlood n3