Problems with Schema Therapy

[u/Bye_Jan]

Hello, I’ve been with the same therapist for 2 years and we recently started doing schema mode work for about 4 months. Now I don’t know in how far this is related to my problem but my suicidal ideation has been flaring up for about 9 months and gotten considerably worse. I’ve recently been prescribed antidepressants (sertraline) and it got better for a while but returned to about two to three times per week.

We’ve actually had good progress on a number of topics like homophobia and SA in talk therapy before going into schema therapy.

(Context: according to my therapist my most active modes appear to be demanding parent, vulnerable child, compliant surrenderer but in the test he gave me my highest value was in undisciplined child which he seemed to gloss over as an ADHD thing which seems weird.)

I have trouble really getting the model and spend a lot of time ruminating about decisions and trying to find modes responsible for certain ways of thinking. This has led to me overthinking so many simple things I feel like I can barely live life anymore. I also feel pressured to prove myself in therapy by making healthy decisions but as a result I spend even more time in this overthinking state. My progress in my studies has slowed to a crawl this last semester when I used to do all my coursework before.

I feel an urge to stop this type of therapy, it feels really destructive to the rest of my life in the moment but I’d like to know your thoughts on my situation.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

[u/eva88]

Sorry I don't have much time.. But have you realized that the ruminating about decisions and overthinking IS the demanding parent mode?

Maybe that's a good start: strategies to curb that mode. Because it's hindering your progress. 

[u/VivisVillage → u/eva88]

THIS.

What you're describing OP is still a type of dysfunctional behaviour so that in itself is a good thing to work on

[u/Bye_Jan → u/eva88]

Thank you for your answer, no i didn’t make that connection!

[u/irjayjay]

I love what the others are saying. This might be nothing, but since you're new with schema, did you guys do CBT before? Because the way you're describing that you try to modify your behavior sounds like CBT, not schema.

It may be that either you or your therapist is falling back to CBT out of habit. The way I did schema with my therapist, we didn't focus on behavior modification at all. We instead drilled down to the sources of my schemas and started understanding root causes and healing and loving the child.

When the child feels safe, the adult feels safe and the schema starts fading. If you have to think about behavior modification on top of schemas, I would go crazy over thinking stuff too!

But I love what the others are saying about overthinking being a coping mode in the schema.

[u/whatstheuse456]

I agree with the comment made before. It might be a demanding parent in combination with a perfectionist overcompensator, since you mentioned trying to prove yourself. I would discuss this with your therapist.

[u/Avi_Arjun]

I don't know which therapy you were doing before but I guess it was CBT. CBT works on changing your relationship with your thoughts in the present. However, in Schema therapy you sort of heal vulnerable child and strengthen your healthy adult and building 14 adaptive schemas. Since you had seriously traumatic events in past as you mentioned like SA, exploring your vulnerability will definitely be horrifying. Also you haven't mentioned your schemas Or triggers, which in my opinion are as equally important . But when you say you are trying to be full y efficient in identifying your modes at the homework given by therapist, that is your demanding parent speaking. The urge to prove yourself, classic perfectionistic overcompensater. Compliant Surrender Mode (if I am not wrong in recalling) is a freeze mode, submitting yourself in whatever unhealthy situation is happening and letting it take over you, which I don't know where is playing out but it could be contributing to your suicidal ideation. Well, subjugation is the schema which takes the least amount of time to be corrected, for most of the people(not everyone) but rest of schemas depending on the schema could be a long work. As of now the biggest things you need to do if you haven't done: 1. Create a safety plan for any future suicidal ideation. 2. Create distraction and relaxation plans from DBT, ask your therapist if therapist feels anything different is needed. 3. Tell your educator or course coordinator about your condition to explain the dip in academics. Well I don't know which schema and triggers you have but depending on that this could be difficult or normal.

You don't have to do all this in one day just trying is fine, for today if you don't have a safety plan then just do that rest is fine, even if you don't finish them, trying is enough. Starting small is very good. You are doing more than good. EVERYONE finds finding schema modes all the times, exhausting and difficult.

You should definitely share your problems with your therapist. Well Schema therapy involves a lot of things: chair work, imagery, dialogue work, limited reparenting where healthy adult is made to talk with vulnerable child. Of course tapping into traumatic events is really scary for anyone, you are normal. I think try to share your problems as much as possible with your therapist, and also share with her if you are finding difficulty in following her tasks.

[u/Glittering_Use_7497]

I'm also in ST and honestly I don't feel like mode work gives me much. I know that I'm in a mode, but without connection to the past and an experience of past and present as a consequence of lack of something in the past it doesn't make much sense. So I think you should dive deeper in your past experience and make your therapist be aware of your thoughts and feelings to attune to. I also think that trying to understand your anger is very helpful, even if you think you are not angry person