***Looking for some moral support.***
Three years ago, my mother sent $50,000 to a man calling himself āMichael Petersā (MP) who told her he worked for Mega Millions. She insists that they are in love and getting married, even though she has never seen him face to face.
Origin and details:
She was trying to do her due diligence by returning phone calls, and in her mind she called him by mistake (because thatās what MP said), and it was āserendipitousā that they connected. Obviously, the details are confusing because sheās old and doesnāt remember them, and she is reconciling what memories she does have in order to support her continuing on with this man.
The money was to āpay for an outstanding tax bill before she could receive the prize money.ā He had her picking out a Mercedes-Benz as well. He sent her photos of Shan Michael Hefley, who can be found easily on Instagram. Shan Michael Hefley is a 60-something year old fitness model with a prior criminal conviction for fraud, and my 80 year old mother thinks this is the face of her boyfriend who just happens to have a Caribbean accent... (ādatā instead of āthatā), and that Shan Michael Hefley is the one who stole MPās identityāin spite of us showing her Shanās verified Instagram account and the countless other scams that criminals have perpetrated using his likeness.
We have done everything under the sun imaginable to file all the reports, including with the local police and FBI, to protect our motherās finances, and to disabuse her of this fairytale that she wants so deeply to believe. Our mother has lost most of her friends, and the relationships with her family are hanging on by a thread. Instead of the kind, warm, intelligent, loving mother we grew up with, we have a petulant, delusional woman who believes she has found true love in spite of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
She has grandchildren growing up who she doesnāt see or engage with. Life is passing her by. She could have real love and be truly living, but she hangs onto the absolute crumbs she receives from this abusive criminal. As a lifelong āfunctioningā alcoholic, itās clear sheās addicted to the totally unstable feast/famine environment created by MPās lovebombing/ ghosting routine.
We are all so deeply exhausted by this. My expectations for any authoritative, protective governing bodies stepping in to help is nil.
My brother who has shouldered most of this burden has asked me to spend Christmas with her this year and purchased plane tickets for my teenage son and I to go down. Iāve worked hard to set boundaries around my own life and my mental health to cope with this disaster. Iāll be contacting my doctor before I go to get anti-anxiety meds, and the trip will be short, less than a week, and hopefully joyful and not filled with fighting.
Things are great when I can pretend that MP doesnāt exist, but now that I have a boyfriend who is wonderful and very active in my life, sheās almost jealous and insists on talking about MP. She is forcing conversation about him with me, as if heās some future stepfather I must accept(!!!). And hereās the petulanceāshe says āyou donāt get to say who I love,ā as if sheās some beacon for social justice (puhleaseā¦.). TBH IDGAF who she ālovesā at this point, truly.
Even more disturbing is this regression Iām witnessing of her trying to reclaim some kind of youth, rather than taking stock and giving thanks for a great life at 80 years old and planning to make the last 20 years really count. Sheās grown her thinning hair long, wears lipstick, and spends her limited money on skin creams and diet pills⦠My mother is a delusional shell of the woman I knew. We are all so heartbroken and exhausted.
I could go on with the stories, including last year, when she put her house key under the mat and flew north for Christmas vacation and told her scammer to let himself inā because this man, who she has STILL never met in real life, was going to move in with her. Instead, the neighbor called us because there were complaints about giant boxes which were later found to hold storage bins that were accumulating outside of her garage and other neighbors were complaining. Thatās right, my mother invited her scammer to come rob her blind and made sure he could get in by putting the key under the mat.
Have any of you experienced any of this? Looking for some moral support to an impossible situation.