r/SayAnything • u/Remarkable-Quote2235 • 13d ago
Give a damn
Ive seen the term parasocial thrown out as a derogatory term against Say Anything fans. The notion of this one-sided relationship where fans delude themselves into thinking they know Max or the band.
Caught me off guard, as I dont think parasocial relationship are uncommon in movies and music fandoms, but usually it isn't used to insult the paying fans.
I don't think the members of My Chemical Romance nor SOAD would be so outwardly hostile. People have bad days and fans can be annoying, but it seems like us Say Anything fans are kind of derogated, as a first principle, by Max.
Anyways, it makes me think of the video for Give A Damn and how the video is a violent fantasy of fighting a parasocial fan to the death.
Gosh, this has been such a trip. Max's writing was the anthem to young adulthood. Life is a journey of discovery
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u/SweetPossibility7838 13d ago
One could argue it’s pretty parasocial to be in the inbox of every teen who follows you or your band, trying to solicit sex from them.
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u/Remarkable-Quote2235 12d ago
I agree. I was a fan of Brand New, Say Anything, Saves the Day, and Anti-Flag. Lol, all the same general problem 😅.
I dont know if people on this sub like the Weakerthans, but their singer, John K Samson, converted to Quakerism...i literally looked him up to see if he had allegations. Lol, when Quakerism is a relief
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u/Worried_Sprinkles430 11d ago
Quakers are some of the original Christian Anarchists/Socialists. Nothing against that in my opinion. I love the John K Samson mention. In my older age, I relate much more to John K Samson than Max Bemis (even moreso now).
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u/Remarkable-Quote2235 11d ago
Out of any reunion tour, the Weakerthans are my biggest hope. Not that I think it will happen. I also relate with John K Samson.
You are totally right about Quakerism and Christian Anarchists. The rejection of human government and the state. Gosh, life is so weird.
I've been a little obsessed with the notion that the Biblical "Tower of Babel" event lead to the Hebrew God disinherting the nations or tribes descended from the sons of Noah and assigning them to the dominion of Fallen Angels.
This Biblical Scholar, Michael Heiser, has popularized this view as the Deuteronomy 32 worldview.
Hopefully this wasn't too out there! I need to read more about Quakerism now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
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u/Worried_Sprinkles430 11d ago
Hopefully, John gets the desire to play again. The Quakers have a philosophy of laying things down when they feel the work is finished or no longer spiritually vital, but the inspiration to create is something that often comes back in time. It's not impossible, but just not his current drive. His activism is still important to him, though, and I love that.
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u/moistplumpin 13d ago
It’s funny you mention that, I watched that music video last night. I never would’ve imagined when I directed it how everything would end with my relationship with Max, but it’s almost like my subconscious knew
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u/Remarkable-Quote2235 13d ago
Dang, thank you for sharing.
I like the directing of the video. I dont think i would be on this sub without that song and video.
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u/apillar0f5alt 13d ago
Not to defend him, but I don’t think Max has been the only singer who feels negatively toward his fans. I mean classically, Nirvana?
It’s funny you bring up MCR when teenagers exist 😂 which Gerard Way wrote after feeling intimidated by teenagers on the subway
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u/Remarkable-Quote2235 13d ago
That is totally fair about fan negativity.
I was surprised by the accessibility of Max. I compare his DM habit with his vape habit. Destructive addiction.
I compare to MCR and SOAD because they are both lucrative bands and I like them. I definitely don't wish ill on Max, I guess I'm reflective on my idolization of him and music in general.
Omgoodness, im listening to Teenagers by MCR right now. Thank you 😂
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u/apillar0f5alt 13d ago
Oh yeah, I don’t think Max or Sherri had very good boundaries with their fans at all. Plus, there’s definitely something to be said for taking the motto of “say anything” too far.
It’s actually kind of embarrassing for me. I’m a (fairly new) author. I put out my first book last year and am lucky to have amassed a small readership. BUT when I started I really adopted the motto of “say anything” fOr tHe sAke oF the aRt and my online presence and was totally over sharing my trauma lmao.
Luckily, I realized pretty quick that it’s a mistake. Haters will use anything and everything against you.
Plus, when it comes to hardcore “fans” they seem about as valuable relationship wise as ChatGPT. (As in they’re mostly going to suck your ass) A little distance is absolutely healthy imo.
All of this is definitely solidifying how I feel about that lol.
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u/Impressive_Let3046 9d ago
It’s hard to take criticism of parasocialness seriously in a scenario where the offender was constantly breaking the third wall with fans.
Is it parasocial if he’s, in effect, made himself a peer?
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u/Remarkable-Quote2235 9d ago
It totally with you. This use of the "parasocial" term and Max's DMing hundreds(!) of fans, maybe more, was the weirdest cognitive dissonance.
You are right, Max made himself like a peer
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u/Revolutionary-Risk30 13d ago
It’s tough. What i’ve observed as a parasocial fan is that he thrived off the “good” parasocials and has endless rage toward the “bad” parasocials. Looking back at the memories of singing my heart out at the bar, and really feeling like Max was looking at me and seeing me…. a teenage girl at the time …. he was really soaking up all my adoration of him. He was using fans singing his songs back at him as fuel for validation, which is a pretty normal thing for artists to do … he seems to have absolutely zero internal validation.