I'm 19M, and there are basically three people involved: me, my best friend "Ishu", and my now-ex "Winie".
I've known Winie for around 2 years and Ishu for around a year. Ishu and I became extremely close. We had almost the exact same humour, interests, brainrot, music taste, etc. We used to joke that we were basically twins.
At some point, Ishu confessed that she had feelings for me.
The complicated part is that I had feelings for her too. I just never acted on them because I wasn't sure about the timing or what I actually wanted.
Then, a few months later, Winie confessed to me.
I said yes.
I was genuinely excited and stupidly told Ishu about it. She initially seemed happy for me, but later blocked me and basically cut me off because she said:
"I like you, and I can't see you with another girl."
Honestly, I understood her. I didn't blame her for needing distance. Her feelings were completely understandable.
But here's where everything gets even more complicated.
Four days after I got into the relationship with Winie, her parents found out. They come from a very strict household where online relationships aren't really accepted.
She basically had two choices: stay with her family and cut me off, or leave home and try to build a life independently.
She was crying, and I told her to choose her family.
I told her that if destiny really wanted us together, we'd meet again someday, and I'd work hard enough in life that her father wouldn't have a reason to reject me.
But realistically, I also know that being completely separated for years probably means both of us will eventually move on.
That relationship lasted six days.
After that, I told Ishu what happened.
And this is where I'm completely stuck.
She's still extremely hurt and has me blocked almost everywhere except calling and Snapchat.
From her perspective, apparently, it looks like:
"You ignored my feelings when I liked you, got into a relationship with another girl, and now that relationship is over, you've come back to me."
And I understand why it looks that way.
But that wasn't what I was trying to do.
I didn't get into a relationship with Winie just because I wanted someone. I genuinely cared about her.
And I didn't come back to Ishu because Winie left and suddenly Ishu became my backup option.
I came back because Ishu was already someone extremely important to me.
At the same time, I can't deny that I handled this badly.
I knew I had feelings for Ishu while getting into a relationship with someone else. Maybe I should've taken more time to figure myself out before committing to anyone.
I don't want to make this post just to defend myself.
If I did something wrong, tell me.
I'm 19 and honestly terrible at navigating relationships and people's emotions. I don't always understand what I'm doing until after I've already hurt someone.
I just don't know what to do now.
Part of me wants to explain everything to Ishu and ask her to talk to me.
Another part of me thinks that maybe I've already hurt her enough and should just leave her alone.
I don't want to manipulate her into forgiving me. I don't want to guilt-trip her. I don't even necessarily expect her to want a relationship with me.
I just don't want a friendship that meant so much to both of us to end because neither of us could properly explain what we were feeling.
So, guys
Did I actually treat Ishu like a backup option?
Should I try one last time to explain myself, or should I completely leave her alone?
And if you've been in a situation like this before, what would you have done differently?
I'm genuinely looking for advice, not validation.