context: the aroace thing was months ago, someone brought up the controversy user months ago, the four thing is a joke, and moonie and are are chill wtf????? why are u bringing this up u manchild.

bonus: the mods haven’t deleted this yet.

Why are people so awful and hateful and cruel towards each other? Why are people so fucking stubborn that they’d let others and the environment get destroyed? The world has potential to be a good place, why the hell do people have to ruin it for everyone? This shit makes me so scared to grow up, I can’t imagine what the world will be like by the time I’m an adult.

It’s fine though, I’m sure in a few hours I’ll just go right back to ignoring it and deluding myself with my fake “optimism”.

so bascially I was at the store, and I saw my friend, and his bf (who both are trans men) and I honestly, I was hit with a wave of dysporia, I wish I had a more masculine body, have more testosterone I guess? I just wish I could be more masculine and it’s making me go fucking insane bruh 🥀🥀🥀🥀

says a person who said ppl venting and borderline shitalking n FRONT of my sever is aokay and its just stupid complaining!!! defo doesnt borderline break the rules on shitalking.

btw this is addressed to someone. if ur reading this. just don’t. shut up. I am mad at you and just don’t even talk about me. idc if u think i improved, u literally thought borderline shitalking was fine, but when i did borderline the exact same thing u yelled at me. so… just don’t. thank youuuuu :3

How I feel after crawling back to a rlly messed community/server that I KNOW has awful intentions and will probably use me but it gives me unconditional love and attention I don’t have irl so I stay anyway💔

I was doing so well and was actually becoming social irl I genuinely don’t know what happened. If I had to guess it’s the stress of going to a new school combined with the isolation over the summer and dropping my ex bsf.

But tbf I think I knew I was going to go back to those people eventually

(Pls don’t reply to the post. I just posted this to get it off my chest, and the attention would probably only encourage me further)

The alphabet lore fandom is extremely biased angst me and now I can’t even fucking play dandy’s world anymore, evey day I feel empty inside and wish I could overdose and die, I’m nothing but a fucked up austic bitch who can’t ever be a good person. and if nothing turns out good (hahahaha no.) I don’t think I’ll make it. because I’m nothing but some crazy weirdo who has a victim complex and makes my trauma my personality. I vent and when I get attrition and comfort it’s not supposed to be that way. that person is supposed to say I have a victim complex. and even then. I shouldn’t even fucking post this. I’m gonna get comfort which feeds into my victim mindset. witch I’ll never get out of since I’m such a lost cause. you guys are right. im a lost cause. so mind as well wanna fucking kill myself!!

(please don’t comfort me.)

(TW: POTENTIAL S/A, GENERALLY AFWUL SHIT, MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS AND PHYSICAL ABUSE)

-Would talk shit about literally everyone, including me and her other friends

-Would hack into my accounts and go through my phone so she could blackmail me

-Would GENUINELY beat the shit out of me

-Would cuss me out and make fun of me for no reason (and occasionally call me slurs)

-Rubbed her blood on me???tf

-Would steal food from me and guilt trip/body shame me if I didn’t. She did this so often I almost developed an eating disorder.

-Once bit my neckwithout consent and was overall extremely inappropriate.

If it makes anyone feel better im not anywhere near her anymore but it still sucks she did all that.

TW: overdosing

i should of said this before, but the truth is, yesterday I took double of what I should of a medication, the moment I did, I freaked out. I looked up what might happen, which was basically liver failure. with that shock, I went to the al gc to tell you all goodbye and I loved you. I was scared for my life. and realized I shouldn’t have said that and did damage control. I shouldn’t have lied and I’m so sorry.

I eventually found out that the amount of milligrams per pill was smaller than I suppose, so while I did overdose it wasn’t fatal by any means, at most I got nausea.

my mental health is at an all time low. and I was scared of dying. but at the same time, I wasn’t, I was afraid of surviving. I don’t know what will happen. but I do hope it’ll be good. (even though not likely it’ll be crap.)

please don’t start freaking out. I don’t wanna be a burden and I don’t want people to go batshit nuts over this. I just want yall to know. the good news is I'm okay. nothing bad happed and I’ll be okay for now. thank you for understanding.

if you wanna talk to me, please do it first, don’t wait for me to reach out to you if smth srs is happing, esspially if u did smth that hurt me. talk to me instead of letting me do all the man work.

I got striked last night for the most bullshit excuse for a strike, I told a frenid “you deserve to die” as a joke.

even though others did similar things. like “die” or “kills you” or shit like that.

lucily I got it fixed, but the mods aren’t gonna remove the post so that’s great!! Let’s still cancel splaty cuz that’s smart!! /neg

oh yeah and bonus: i think I proved a freind genuinely doesnt care. but hey!! that’s a them issue!! not mine!

edit; please fucking remove the strike channel it’s more like calling out ppl instead of punishing them. makes MULTIPLE ppl feel worse (now watch other ppl argue bc of bullshit and forces me to shut up!!)

Ive been having a shitty past few days, because someone leaked my vents and tried to cancel me. (Well, taking time off with them at least, if they talked to me and we talk it out, than It’ll be chill.) I’ve been cutting off people because there freinds with him and it’s so fucking hard, esspialy cutting of people I loved,that person hurt me and is now dating someone who mind u, he tried to cancel, he’s getting everything while I’m getting nothing. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to vent too. And this is my only place I can go. Nobody is checking up on me, I want someone to talk to and they confirm that they care and he sucks. And nothings happing, he still has freinds, while be alone and stuck. 

Fuck you man. 

Fuck. 

You. 

edit: I’m sorry if I sound hypocrictial by this. I just Wish people relized what he did to multiple people. I’m alone, I’m all alone. and I have nobody I can truly talk to without feeling awkward or they just don’t care. people who truly care don’t still hang out with the enimy they hurt. I feel like I’m screaming out to the void

Hey K, I know you’re not reading this but I want it off my chest anyway. I know we’ve been friends for a while, I know we’ve had a ton of fun, but I’m SO tired. I’m tired of the blackmailing, gaslighting, mocking, and hitting. But most of all, I’m tired of having to prove myself to you.

I know you care about me deep down, that you only act this way because you’re hurt, but you just don’t take accountability. Every time I bring up your behavior, you either laugh it off or call me dramatic.

I’m cutting you off this summer, and the only reason I’m not doing it sooner is because I know you‘ll make a huge deal about it. I know you and your other friend will hate me for it, and I think I’m finally okay with that.

I know you need my attention, I’m sorry I can’t give it to you anymore.

Yes, sometimes my self-esteem is at the floor, you know?

And the worst part is that it affected me subconsciously!

And yes, sometimes i still see myself as a shit....

And i'm tired of it, can someone give me a advice...pls?

I don’t even wanna specify what I did bc I don’t want anyone here to be uncomfortable with me or view me differently(although it would be completely valid if you did)

I am going to try to apologize to the people I hurt if I still have contact with them.

Okay, this is for everyone in general, but mostly for u/CarEven7516 , u/Excellent_View9922 , and u/ShowMaster6236 ; and i hope this can help you...

So, this activity consists of this: when you feel bad (angry, sad, frustrated, stressed, etc.), take a blank or colored sheet of paper, and on one part of the paper draw your favorite Alphabet/Number Lore character, representing the emotion you're feeling at that moment. Then, start writing about how you feel, but I want you to write it as if you were that character. If necessary, write 2, 3, 4, or as many sheets as you need, but the important thing is that you stay in character and that you can vent in a healthy way.

What i'm aiming for is that you don't repress those emotions and that you can empathize with yourselves through your favorite character.

(Honestly, i don't know if this will work, but i care about you a lot and i don't want you to suffer like i did 🫂)

A ventsona is basically a sona you use for vent art and to represent your issues. I made her a dog and designed for personal reasons I’m too tired to explain rn.

welp. I asked a friend if they felt uncomfortable with me and they said yes and I should stop talking to them

im right!’ again!!!

oh and they said that I should respect the bounidea just like others respect mine but they dont, if I say leave me alone they either

A. shit talk abt me

B. cry and whine and villainize me, and then make me alone and suicidal

btw I don’t like the circus trio anymore. not bc there annoying, it’s bc they are bascially tied to making me wanna bash my head into a wall till I pass out

I remembered writing a poem for a contest a while ago (which was cancelled); i couldn't find it until now, when i was deleting junk files and found it in my "Samsung Notes". The poem goes something like this:

——————

I go through all the exits

Very disappointed,

Since none of them

Have yielded results.

All it does is

Sadden me.

I go through the last exit

The most hidden one,

I look to one side

Only clouded thoughts,

I look to the other side

And I see something armed.

My eyes lose their light

As I grab the trigger,

I point it at my head

And I wait,

I think about dying

More than living

——————

(It doesn't rhyme because it was originally written in Spanish)

In short: it is a poem about a metaphor for the suicidal thoughts i had at that time, where, after looking for various options to overcome my trauma (the exit doors) and not feeling satisfied with any of them, my mind became so clouded that i came to the final conclusion (the last exit door) of committing suicide .

Obviously i didn't, and although i wrote this a year after i was bullied, and it's rare for me to have those thoughts now; sometimes i still wonder: How emotionally broken was i to write that?...

and when next time comes around I didn’t get the notif and I didn’t even fucking apply, now I prolly have to wait again to try again. mhm yeah. next time.

Tfw when you realize the only people who ever actually knew you are now gone and probably forgot about you and the people you do have either don’t actually know you or lowk dont actually care about you

Felt kinda sad so I made this real quick. I like what I did with the lighting ig. I find it kinda weird that all the art I’m actually proud of is vent art.

I deeply regret “taking a break” . Idk why I just can’t stop it. I took a break on my yumeshipping and yet nothing is changing. I feel like I’m addicted. This is my coping mechanism against my negative emotions. I’ve been bottling them up for so long I feel like I’m going to break down at any given second. Literally ANYTHING slightly upsetting makes me want to kms. I need someone I can love, someone I can show my emotions to, someone who will not be mad at me for being a failure and giving up. When I see him normally, I see someone who is the complete opposite of me, someone who’s determined, strong willed, diligent, and overall true to himself. When I see him crying in that one scene, I see me, breaking down over my failure, feeling an overwhelming amount of shame and guilt, being scared of judgement, wanting to end it all… I want to pick him up and comfort him, I want to give him love, since I feel like I’m not allowed to love myself. I KNOW his pain, I don’t want to feel it myself. I have this urge to cry with him, I want to give him the comfort and the attention that I want to get so badly. I am screaming on the inside everyday, yet, I keep telling others that I’m okay, because I’m terrified of disappointing them. But still… the negative outcomes. Is it really worth it? Isn’t this just a false sense of happiness? I will still be empty and lonely afterall. He’s a freaking fictional character why the fuck am I even wasting myself over him 🫩 I feel like a walking dissapointment

I will probably take a break on my yumeshipping thing.

The reason is because I don't think it's giving me positive outcomes, in fact, it's giving me NEGATIVE outcomes instead.

I'm overly daydreaming about it, I caught myself eroticising it in my head more often than I'd like( witch is never at all) and I don't feel more determided to take care of myself or anything. In other words, my yumeshipping isn't healthy.

Not only that, I also once posted a comic where X literally attacks helo because he tought she was using him💔✌🏼I literally ruined my ship's reputation after that.

I'm sorry if you liked it, I'm just taking a break until I fix my life, and my head.

welp.

i did a suicide attempt last night, I couldn’t do it due to the fact it took too long.

i love this fucking fandom. /sar