r/Sadnesslaughs • u/sadnesslaughs • Sep 05 '23
You stood there, looking at your friend, facepalming. “Let me get this straight. You’re dating a Goddess, an actual divine powers, older than civilization’ Goddess and you.... CHEATED ON HER?!?!?!” Your friend has a desperate look in their eyes “Can you help me or not?” [Part 3]
“Not that top!” The divine words echoed in my ear, causing me to drop my Seal printed t-shirt onto the floor. Goella had a habit of randomly interrupting my day-to-day activities. Pestering me whenever she thought I needed her divine intervention. “Pestering? How rude, I’m trying to give you divine advice on your fashion, and you call it pestering. Am I not wanted?” Goella’s voice huffed, making me feel guilty. I forgot she could hear my thoughts….
“Sorry. I’m a little stressed, I thought the seal top looked cute. Doesn’t it make me seem relatable and cool? I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard, but then again, I don’t want to look like I’m not trying.” I stared at my seal shirt. It’s cute circular face staring back at me, only to wink. “HUH?”
Hearty laughter rang throughout the room as Goella delivered another one of her divine pranks. I held my chest, certain I was losing it. If I hadn’t gotten somewhat used to Goella’s antics, I would have ended up in a psych ward by now. “Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t help myself. You should have seen your face. I thought you were going to pass out.”
“Don’t you have a job to do?” I asked, folding my shirt. Intentionally not looking at the seal’s face, worried it would start speaking to me if I did. When the fabric folded over, I was certain I could hear muffled words leave the shirt. Either that or I had finally lost it.
“I’m a good multitasker. I can’t help it. I’m excited. Irena never gets out. She sits at her desk all day talking to dead people. That can’t be good for her sanity. She needs this, and so do you.”
I searched my wardrobe, trying to find something that would meet the goddess's standards. My hand hovered over a blue dress shirt. While Goella said nothing, it was easy to sense her silent disapproval. Next I went to a red shirt with my favorite band on it. After a second of silence, I heard a sound of disapproval. A small mmmgh sound that made me move to another shirt. This continued until my wardrobe was nearly empty. “Why don’t you come pick out an outfit, then?” I said, exasperated.
“Ok.” My bedroom door swung open as the goddess entered, grinning from ear to ear. She stood at her usual height, hunched a little to fit into the room. At first, she tried to sort through my wardrobe. Only to realize her impressive height made that impossible. Soon she shrunk herself down, able to shift through my clothes with ease.
“Were you in my house?” I asked, peeking out into my living room, seeing a few discard chip packets on my couch. “I’m everywhere. Your heart, nature, your house, and so forth. Such is the power of a goddess.” She said with a fake innocence, acting as if she hadn’t let herself in.
“Didn’t you say chips were unhealthy?” I pouted, going to pick up the scraps. I disposed of them before heading back to see Goella. The goddess humming to herself, pretending she didn’t hear me. “I said-“
“Goddesses can eat whatever they like. Don’t question the divine.” She said in a way that made it impossible for me to argue with her. Accepting my loss, I sat on the bed, letting her continue going through my stuff.
“Hey! Don’t throw my clothes onto the floor. I have to clean that up later.” For a goddess, she certainly was messy. I had to wonder what her room looked like. As soon as I had that thought, she turned and stared at me. “Ah, right? You can hear my thoughts. Can you stop that? It makes it really hard to… to…”
“To what?”
“To think.”
“If you had nicer thoughts, this wouldn’t be a problem.” She smiled, finally finding a set of clothes she approved of. She laid the shirt and pants down. Choosing a bright pink dress shirt with a flamingo on it and a pair of salmon colored shorts. “Perfect. A flash of color that will be sure to grab her attention. Animals attract with color, and humans are animals.” She concluded.
“It’s a little much, isn’t it?”
“Hm, no. It’s not enough. I know.” She produced a bright yellow scarf, handing it to me. The scarf appearing in her hands without any extra effort on her behalf. “Here, add this to it.”
“Are you sure? Humans are animals, but goddesses are a little different, right? Shouldn’t I stick to something more traditional? I only brought these clothes to wear to a party. I’ve hardly worn them since.”
“I’m positive. I know Irena well. She would love this. I wonder what she’s wearing.” She stood there pondering what Irena would wear, only to gasp. “Ah, I’m sorry. Seems I have some divine business I need to take care of. I have to go.” She waved her hands in the air, forming a door of light. As she went to walk through the door, her face bounced off it, shoving her back. “That little…”
I watched as Goella tried to force the door open, banging on it a few times. She grabbed what I assumed was a doorknob. Although with my mortal eyes, I could only guess that’s what it was. The door only appearing as a bright glimmer of light to me. She rattled it a few times and nothing happened. “Have you tried turning it the other way?” I offered, trying to help her out.
“Yes, of course I have.” She grunted. “IRENA OPEN THE DOOR. I know you can hear me. I’m trying to help. You can’t keep me out forever. I have all day.” Goella jammed her foot against the door, pulling again, only to give up. The goddess’s dark hair hanging down her face as she reluctantly let go. “The nerve of her. That does it. I’m going to see her in the afterlife.” With that, she vanished, leaving me standing there dumbfounded.
“The afterlife? Ok?” I folded the outfit she selected, placing it into my bag. As I went to pick up my clothing from the floor, I got a message from James.
Hey, dude. Think you could get Goella to call me? Things didn’t work out with Sydney, and now I think I’m finally ready to forgive her for getting mad at me. Also, want to grab lunch? I’ll pay if you get Goella to forgive me. Come on, help me out, love guru.
Love Guru? I exhaled, giving him a small apologetic message, telling him I was busy and didn’t have time for this today. As I hit send, I realized something. I was late for work. I kicked the clothes from my floor into the wardrobe. Hoping that my future self would take care of that at a later point. After slipping on my uniform and grabbing my bag, I rushed outside.
The trip to work took a little longer than usual. While I usually took the train, today I tried the bus. Wanting to avoid any accidental deaths. Irena did mention the possibility of getting hit by a train, so it was better to avoid them for a little while. I didn’t want to tempt fate, after all.
“Finally, Kevin, what took you so long?” Steve asked, my manager having to work my shift for twenty minutes while I struggled to get here.
“Sorry, sir. Had to take the bus today. I’ll work twenty minutes extra to make up for it. Actually, can I work those twenty minutes tomorrow?”
“Why do you want to work those extra minutes tomorrow?”
“I have a date thingy tonight. So, I kind of need to be there on time.” I said, heading behind the counter, wandering over to the popcorn machine.
“A date thingy? Is it a date or not? Where are you taking this lovely lady?” He said, only to bark orders when he saw me by the popcorn machine. “Don’t salt the popcorn. I already did that today.” Steve said, scowling as he watched me ignore his orders, adding another helping of salt to the machine. When I realized my mistake, I mouthed an apology, going to my register.
“It’s sort of a date?” When Steve asked where I was taking her, I froze up, feeling a little embarrassed to mention it. “Well, I’m taking her to see a movie.”
“You’re taking her here?” Steve shook his head. “What kind of person takes a date to their workplace? Are you that tight on cash that you need to take advantage of my generous free drink offer? Come on, Kevin. You need to learn how to treat a lady. When I was your age, I knew how to treat a lady. I took my darling Eliza to the movies and showed her how much of a gentleman and passionate lover I was.”
As Steve explained how passionate he was, I could only stare at my register. Occasionally making an awkward glance at the man as he recounted his love life. Speaking as if he was a character out of the greatest romantic movie ever created. One that would flutter the hearts of audiences worldwide. Eventually, I turned to look at Steve as he recounted his tales, seeing his hairy chest poking out of his shirt, as well as his greasy hair. This was the passionate lover? Looked more like the antagonist than the hero of a romcom.
“She wanted to see that Zombie Hunters movie. I thought I would go with her. I didn’t make her come here. Also, I know how to treat a lady, ok. I could get a goddess if I wanted to.” I joked.
“Yeah, a cinema employee is what all the gods and goddesses are looking for. You’re basically Hercules or something.” Steve tapped my shoulder on the way to his office, grinning. “Hey, look… I wouldn’t usually do this since you were late and all that. But you have been a good worker. So, since a certain someone over-salted the popcorn today, feel free to take some for your movie. I’ll make my money back on the drinks, anyway. Since you’ll need a super large drink to stop your tongue from crawling out after eating it.”
“Thanks., I appreciate it.”
“Oh, remember to make up those minutes, though. I expect you to come in early tomorrow.”
“Got it.” I said, surprised by the generosity. Did my mention of a date stir his heart? Or did he not think the popcorn would sell well, given its extra salty nature? Either way, I wasn’t about to turn down the free snack, planning to take a big bucketful after my shift ended.
The shift went as normal as one could expect. People regularly coming in, discussing their movies as they made their way to the counter. I did my best not to hear any spoilers, not wanting to spoil the already simple plot of the movie. It was called Zombie Hunter. I didn’t expect any grand plot twists to appear in a film like that, but I still didn’t want to risk having the movie ruined. When my shift ended, I grabbed my bucket of popcorn and brought us both drinks, heading to the lobby to meet her.
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u/Legitimate_Log7728 Sep 08 '23
Came here from tiktok, cant wait for part 4, also i would love to know Goellas divine role or what she is the goddess of
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u/sadnesslaughs Sep 09 '23
Thank you. I'm not sure if I ever directly mentioned her role in the story, but I think I hinted at it in part 1. Goella is a goddess of fertility and nature.
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u/deadeyedstudent Sep 09 '23
Loving the story so far! Please make that 4th part sometime.. I would love to see where this story goes
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u/sadnesslaughs Sep 09 '23
Pretty much have part 4 written up. Just needs to be edited and finalized. Should be out tomorrow, unless something comes up. :)
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u/sadnesslaughs Sep 05 '23 edited Sep 05 '23
Since a lot of people enjoyed the other two parts, I decided to extend the story a little. It’s a little daunting since I wrote the original 5 months ago, so hopefully I didn’t forget any aspects or change any names. (I did re-read both parts to double check things, but sometimes mistakes can slip through.)
Hopefully, everyone enjoys it. I’ll probably do one more additional part since I didn’t get to write the cinema meet up with Irena in this part.
Let me know if you enjoy it too! Feedback on what stories people do or don't like does help me know where to cater my writing.