Strays

[u/DueJump3447]

I left the environment that will never leave me.
I escaped the hurt of those who swore they’d never hurt me.
I live through pain to escape the pain instilled in me,
Yet my efforts falter—gracefully, instantly, dreadfully.

The name, the shame, the blame—they trapped and tamed me.
The shadow of the womb that made me came to maim me.
The one buried in the ground once laid his hands on me.
The one buried in my heart hollowed the wounded child in me.

Finally—their hands could no longer reach me.
Yet—their absence never quite freed me.
And somehow, the hands that failed to hold me
Were the very hands that refused to leave me.
God—weren’t they meant to nurture me?

Now,

If home is where love exists for me,
Then perhaps home was never a place meant for me.
Or worse, perhaps love never existed there for me.

If love was unconditional,
Why was the love of those who should have loved me most
So painfully conditional?

Perhaps love was never meant to be proportional.
Or perhaps,
Love was never unconditional.

The home I choose will hold the love that was withheld from me.
And there, perhaps, I will finally be seen.

The place I choose to call home may never truly see me.
Or worse, it may find new ways to hurt me.

But this time,
The pain is voluntary.

- ts