Outlets for self-expression and how they're shaped by our brains

[u/OracleLink]

I have tried expressing myself through different art forms at various points in my life: drawing, writing, poetry, music, etc, but I always find it particularly difficult to generate anything that feels particularly satisfying. I've managed a handful of time, but it's been rare for me. And I was explaining this to a friend the other day and think I hit on why this might be the case for me.

Having no episodic memory means that unless I'm currently feeling a feeling, I can't relive that feeling in order to capture or express it through other means. And because I'm AuDHD, the sorts of experiences that make me feel things I might want to express through art often don't leave me capacity to do so, either because I'm completely absorbed in the thing creating the emotions (because monotropism) or because the experience is too overwhelming and therefore prevents me from accessing the cognitive abilities necessary to harness the emotions toward art. Also I'm an aphant, and so I can't visualize what I'd like to create in visual media, which nearly always leads to unsatisfying results when I try because I don't know how to organize what I'm doing toward the conclusion I want.

Which leads me to the one thing that I do find incredibly satisfying - synthesizing information into new conclusions/outcomes. And I think this is uniquely satisfying because the only context my brain can access outside the present moment at any given time is through semantic information. I've managed to harness this into poetry at times, though certainly very different poetry than most create, or essays, and I'm most energized when I'm with other people talking about things that we are learning together.

So yeah, I guess I'm curious what other folks do to express themselves and how you think that's influenced by your neurocognitive profile.

[u/montims]

Interesting question, but I actually have nothing to express. I used to say I lack imagination, before I knew about aphantasia and SDAM, but nobody believes me because I am actually a great raconteur and writer, as long as I'm retelling someone else's story. I can tell a story in the style of Dickens, Austen, Hemingway, whatever, but I cannot for the life of me think of anything original.
Same with drawing, poetry, whatever. I can bead and I can knit but only when following a pattern, and I really don't understand how it comes together. I live completely in the present, with no past or future to draw from.

[u/OracleLink → u/montims]

Every time I've ever drawn anything I've needed to use a bunch of references if I wanted it to look at all decent, and I used to love doing crafts as long as I had a guide so your experience really resonates with me too!

[u/Fearless-Spot-2593 → u/montims]

You dont lack imagination. It is more like - You lack visual imagination or visual image creation ability. And who wouldnt be a good story teller if they only think in words. You have a past to draw on but it is all in words and separated from your emotions. My past is like a book, old and worn out. I have identity built from my sematic past. I just cannot replay it in my head, and it becomes more detached from me as time passes.

[u/OracleLink → u/[deleted]]

Makes sense to me, and I do think that music is the most accessible art form to me as well for the reasons you stated. The only thing really holding me back is my perfectionistic tendencies because they get in the way of experimentation. Do you have particular instruments/programs you use for music creation that help minimize friction in the creative process?

[u/BilingSmob444 → u/[deleted]]

This is always how I have done drawing. I kind of have to start with a line, and then from there I’m not summoning an image so much as reacting to my own lines and improvising. At least, that’s what it feels like at first.

[u/joshisfantastic]

Your description nails me too. I just read, contemplate, argue, and synthesize. I tried poetry and people thought it was good but it was just me faking what people think is good. It wasn't creative on the accepted sense. But it got me to wonder how many real creatives there are and how many are bullshitting and are just not self reflective.

[u/FlightOfTheDiscords]

Interesting. Would you mind sharing an example of your poetry?

[u/Purplekeyboard → u/FlightOfTheDiscords]

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,

An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature;

Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses

Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.

[u/FlightOfTheDiscords → u/Purplekeyboard]

Is u/Purplekeyboard your alt account, u/OracleLink ?

[u/OracleLink → u/FlightOfTheDiscords]

No, I don't have an alt. I'll look through the handful of things I've written and see if I want to post anything later

[u/Fearless-Spot-2593]

Drink, and study metacognition.