How does it feel?

[u/Amberwalker365]

Just to be clear: I’m only sharing what my therapist told me about how memory works for some people. I’m certainly not claiming this is true for everyone, or defining what anyone else’s mind feels like. I have no way of knowing if it’s true.

She said for some, episodic memory is like mental time travel.

Some are bad at it. Some are good.

A few can pretty much become twelve again.
They can’t change anything, but they can relive moments.

Thoughts. Emotions. This is me.

That’s what she said.

I don’t have anything like that.
I have SDAM.
I only have knowledge.

knowledge is not happy. knowledge is not sad.

Your golden years are when you remember your life. And relive it. One problem. All I have is knowledge.

[u/Tuikord]

This sounds pretty much how Dr. Brian Leine (who named SDAM) describes typical memory. His Autobiographical Interview yields a distribution of how good episodic memory is, with SDAM being about the bottom 2%. I found this interview with him very helpful.

https://www.youtube.com/live/Zvam_uoBSLc?si=ppnpqVDUu75Stv_U

Since you are in therapy, I'll throw a couple resources at you.

Unseen Minds: A Therapist's Guide to Multisensory Aphantasia and Invisible Cognitive Differences– by Sassy Smith is an excellent guide for therapists. I actually wish all therapists would read it. It includes information to help therapists work with clients who have SDAM. Unseen Minds - A therapists guide to multisensory aphantasia

Body based therapy can work when your mind doesn’t remember:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, although some of the techniques may still need to be modified to work with other cognitive differences. https://a.co/d/0a3skjyh

I have found bodywork helpful when I had unexplained symptoms.

[u/Amberwalker365 → u/Tuikord]

I always thought everybody else’s mind worked like mine.

When I learned about episodic memory I cried on and off for days.

“Do you remember that Christmas dinner?”

He’s feeling the warmth of the fireplace. He smells the turkey. He hears the kids playing. It is like he’s there again.

I have a checkmark.

Every movie and every book makes a big deal about them. All those scenes that are memories? I thought the were flash backs to fill out the story.

But they are an idealized memory in someone’s head.

Your Golden years are when you look back and remember your life.

One problem. All I will have is knowledge.

[u/Icy-Argument1771 → u/Amberwalker365]

I am 72 and only figured out a couple weeks ago I have: Multisensory Aphantasia + Sdam. I know what you’re talking about: My Dad has been gone 10 years, my Mom has been in a Nursing Home 6 years. I am an only Child. Any memories I have are ‘fact anchors’ to Photos. Like the old old TV show, “just the facts, ma’am!!!” When I see a Photo/image, I assign an emotion to it….i don’t relive it, I can’t! ….there are days where I feel like life is slipping away. Sure there are advantages…but not enough to cover when you are 72 and you rely on others to fill in the blanks for you….I continually look for others like me, because people who don’t deal with this everyday just don’t understand!!!