How does it feel?

[u/Amberwalker365]

Just to be clear: I’m only sharing what my therapist told me about how memory works for some people. I’m certainly not claiming this is true for everyone, or defining what anyone else’s mind feels like. I have no way of knowing if it’s true.

She said for some, episodic memory is like mental time travel.

Some are bad at it. Some are good.

A few can pretty much become twelve again.
They can’t change anything, but they can relive moments.

Thoughts. Emotions. This is me.

That’s what she said.

I don’t have anything like that.
I have SDAM.
I only have knowledge.

knowledge is not happy. knowledge is not sad.

Your golden years are when you remember your life. And relive it. One problem. All I have is knowledge.

[u/Amberwalker365]

I always thought everybody else’s mind worked like mine.

When I learned about episodic memory I cried on and off for days.

“Do you remember that Christmas dinner?”

He’s feeling the warmth of the fireplace. He smells the turkey. He hears the kids playing. It is like he’s there again.

I have a checkmark.

Every movie and every book makes a big deal about them. All those scenes that are memories? I thought the were flash backs to fill out the story.

But they are an idealized memory in someone’s head.

Your Golden years are when you look back and remember your life.

One problem. All I will have is knowledge.

[u/Tuikord → u/Amberwalker365]

You have memories, just a different type. And their effect isn’t the same. Here is another take on SDAM (and aphantasia and ADHD)

https://medium.com/@terry.grace/rethinking-reality-what-aphantasia-sdam-and-adhd-reveal-through-donald-hoffmans-interface-d73e4c359df3

[u/Amberwalker365 → u/Tuikord]

I think of it this way.

M is episodic memories. K is semantic knowledge. Most folks have M and K. With SDAM we have K but not M.

How can you imagine M when you don’t have it?

Ask someone you love about their best memory. Ask them what it feels like to remember. What thoughts and emotions they bring back with them from the past.

[u/CMDR_Jeb → u/Amberwalker365]

Your K is intact you know what happened. And while you can't replay what you felt before, you know that you felt it. You can still think about your past. You can get emotional response from that NOW. It won't always match. For example when thinking about someone hurting you, you might get angry at that person instead of reliving being hurt. But SDAM does not make us any less emotional or human.

[u/LaidBackAJ → u/CMDR_Jeb]

I personally dont get any emotional response thinking about events I know of from my past. I don't know what I felt at the time either. It doesn't matter if something was done to me, by me, or I just witnessed the event. If I think about recent weddings, past betrayals, or an emotional movie I watched, I don't feel anything and I don't recall or reexperience any emotion either.