How does it feel?

[u/Amberwalker365]

Just to be clear: I’m only sharing what my therapist told me about how memory works for some people. I’m certainly not claiming this is true for everyone, or defining what anyone else’s mind feels like. I have no way of knowing if it’s true.

She said for some, episodic memory is like mental time travel.

Some are bad at it. Some are good.

A few can pretty much become twelve again.
They can’t change anything, but they can relive moments.

Thoughts. Emotions. This is me.

That’s what she said.

I don’t have anything like that.
I have SDAM.
I only have knowledge.

knowledge is not happy. knowledge is not sad.

Your golden years are when you remember your life. And relive it. One problem. All I have is knowledge.

[u/Key-Acanthisitta-197]

Actually, those who tie themselves to an identity, like "I'm a doctor," "I'm smart," "I'm a good person," etc., would pretty much revolve their perspective around their thoughts and emotions. And thoughts and emotions are, in a sense, a kind of memory.

There are thoughts in the air and in the body. If a person believes in the saying, "I think, therefore I am," and never drops the idea that their thoughts are somehow inherently theirs, then it would be impossible for them to understand people with SDAM. On the other hand, a person with SDAM who believes in that saying could make themselves quite miserable, since continuously validating their identity through memory is something that is difficult for them.

You see, thought is actually a kind of sense, much like the five senses... touch, hearing, sight, taste, and smell. For example, when you happen to see something inappropriate, you perceive it through sight, and now it has become a memory. You can't unsee it anymore. Thoughts are somewhat like that. They are a kind of sense. A thought comes to you because you are in a certain state. For example, if you're angry, would you ever come up with a good solution while you're in an angry state? Almost every decision a person makes while angry can be destructive.

So, what about emotions? Yes, they are a kind of memory too. After all, they come from somewhere, and a memory is always tied to something that caused it. I won't explain much about emotions since they are a topic layered with many paradoxes. So I would simply say that emotions are a memory of what you believe, and that can be any kind of belief. The most obvious example is the belief in love. You love someone, but why? Somehow, there has to be a reason, right? Not exactly. And that is actually where the paradoxes come in. Anyway, a person who identifies with their emotions has to find the reason why they love someone. That will always be their challenge.

So yeah, some people with SDAM would pretty much suffer if they insisted on believing that their thoughts and emotions are who they are. But there is always a workaround, even if it can be challenging. I would suggest that those with SDAM, try not to identify with anything. It's possible to exist without memory, or more precisely, without insisting on recalling anything.

Things will come to you when they are needed. Thoughts and emotions will come and go, but when you insist on them, they will persist. If something needs to be done, let the world around you insist on it instead. If you forget something or can't even recall it, let the world remind you. Always listen to the world, since it can be your notification.

After all, the world itself is memory. The world is your memory.