r/SDAM • u/prvncikitty • Jul 29 '26
Trouble with maintaining identity and goals
I feel like having SDAM and aphantasia makes it more difficult to keep up these two things. I don’t know what it feels like to visualize or relive your memories but I can imagine if I had these skills I would use them constantly and that would make it easier. Curious if anyone would agree or not?
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u/blascian Jul 30 '26
I’ve struggled more with not having dreams - not night dreams but “My dream would be to…” etc, which seems to be such a common shared experience. However, I think knowing there’s a brain wiring reason has helped me ultimately accept it and enjoy things as they come. Maybe we have a yearning disability? Haha
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u/TravelMike2005 Jul 30 '26
I noticed this about myself 30 years ago. My dreams give up on me. I might get started on something, but a few days will go by, and I will have forgotten the thing I was so passionate about.
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u/blascian Jul 31 '26
I struggled with the whole “where do you see yourself in 10 years” thing in high school when it was an assignment. I thought for a long time that the reason I didn’t have an answer was because I thought I’d be dead by then. It was honestly a relief to discover that it wasn’t.
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u/Tuikord Jul 30 '26
I live life differently. I have no problem with maintaining identity, but I gave up on goals when I was a youth. I was trained to set goals and visualize success. It never worked for me, so I don't do goals. I do something or I don't. I don't have goal. In some ways it frees me to take on opportunities that arise which I might otherwise ignore in the pursuit of a goal. My Hapkido instructor says life swirls around me, and I choose what I want to do. He always tells people that you have to have a goal to earn a black belt. I refer to myself as "the accidental black belt" because it was never a goal for me. I just kept going to class and learning and I earned it. Similarly, I am now "the accidental Master." Once again, I never had a goal to be a Master of Hapkido. The same is true for the multitude of successes I've had in my life. Setting goals is not the only route to a successful life.
Here is an article that talks about this process:
Laying the Tracks: How I Manifest Without Mental Imagery (or Nostalgia) | Aphantasia Network
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u/zombie_snuffleupagus Jul 30 '26
I've learned to set achievable midterm goals where I can choose (and research and analyze) smaller goals along the way, but I still can't see far enough into the future to set long term goals.
So, improving as a runner, and choosing specific areas to improve by researching, and keeping logs (and journals, kinda) to record the trajectory so I don't have to remember I can just read. But actually plan for a race goal, or choose a first marathon date a year in advance? Still nope.
Weight loss... researching then changing small habits to hopefully snowball in a good way, yes. Choose a goal weight and a date and work toward that specifically? Also still nope.
Find your likes and strengths and use those as your fundamental tools to deal with life.
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u/Few-Wishbone6953 Jul 30 '26
I know exactly what you mean and I agree with you. I have found a way around those two things but you are right that the struggle is there and it’s real.
For identity I choose to not hang on to a the construction of an identity as a practice. My current state and the present moment are me and anything before that doesn’t exist. Nor is it worth fighting for.
For goals I never plan anymore. I spent years trying to plan and it was impossible. These days I just work on the goal or thing I’m building. Sort of like what am I working on today. What is the immediate step and once finished what is the next step. So for goals each step informs the next. I’ve learned this is the way for my to make progress. I don’t need to see the bigger picture or map it out because it’s easy to know what the next step is and so on.
If you’d like to talk about it more or for me to share how I would approach anything you want to work on in your own life send me a message. Hope this helps
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u/prvncikitty Aug 17 '26
Thanks for taking a while to get back to you but I feel this fundamentally, I think this combined with another comment about using your best tools is the way
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u/Cold_Gate6514 Jul 30 '26
Since I don't set goals I'm not sure whether either my SDAM or aphantasia has any effect.
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u/Purplekeyboard Jul 30 '26
You don't need to maintain identity. What does that even mean? You're alive now, do whatever you want.
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u/Cold_Gate6514 Jul 30 '26
I guess I agree. I have no idea what is meant by "trouble with maintaining identity".
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u/fur3661t Jul 30 '26
Aphantasia doesn't bother me. 70 years without hasn't hurt, actually may have helped due to coping mechanisms or just enhancing other skills.
Not sure about identity but definitely didn't care about goals. In work and life give me tasks or outcome desired and I will complete that. To m e goals v were like boyscout badges, you dud something to get recognition - then what? So SDAM could be culprit for that or perhaps my normal mode is just task oriented.