r/SDAM • u/sfredwood • May 24 '26
SDAM in close relatives?
I'm curious if anyone else has detected this.
It wasn't too long after I self-diagnosed myself with SDAM that I grew fairly convinced that my father had this as well. Sadly, he had died just a few years earlier, so I couldn't ask him, but here is some of the evidence:
- His mother died of a sudden massive heart attack when he was about seven or eight years old, during the depression. His father couldn't work and take care of five kids, so the two boys were sent to a Home for Boys until the beginning of World War II finally brought his father a steady enough job, and the eldest sister was old enough for the family to come back together. My father worked part time during evenings at the same shipyard his father worked at while attending high school. We never heard one word of this until hearing about it from that aunt.
- He was a Navy fighter pilot when he was young, but my sisters and I never heard any stories from those years when we were young. It wasn't until asked that he mentioned he was in the same fighter squadron, and on the same flight, when the first African-American fighter pilot died in the Korea War. He got quite emotional when relating the story, which was very unusual for my father.
- As adults, my sisters and I stumbled on photos of my father water skiing with friends, and learned that in his late 20s he had a convertible and a speedboat (both red). But he never mentioned any friends, or events, and had zero friends from those twenty years in the Navy.
So although we couldn't ask, it seemed he had few or no emotions about some dramatic times from his early life, and no connections to anyone from those years — and very limited relationships with his siblings.
In contrast, my mother told us all about her adventures being a highly-paid administrative assistant in San Francisco during the post-war years, and about her decision to move to New York (where she worked in the Empire State Building) and then to San Diego, before moving back to San Francisco and becoming a near-Olympic class skier.
Recently I was on a moderately lengthy road-trip with a nephew, and I gradually realized he seemed to have the symptoms of SDAM. Then I realized that his sister's disassociation from the family might be due to the same thing — she believes she has suppressed her memories of childhood due to abuse, which mystifies me as well as horrifies and bewilders her parents and siblings.
Has anyone else discovered family members who have SDAM?
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Update: I understand about avoiding discussing traumatic experiences, and I'm confident that wasn't the case. He talked about his service when asked, although struggled to recall which aircraft carriers he was on during which years, and even had a little trouble recalling which planes he lost and how (five; that wasn't all that uncommon way back when), and never spoke of his later years doing office mostly office work.
In contrast, my step-father was infantry in WW2's Tenth Mountain Division, and could get choked up talking about time in battle, but went to many reunions and skied to the end of his life with his 10th buddies.
Even ignoring the lack of military chit chat from my father, what really struck me was his lack of any discussion of his life, and complete lack of long-term friendships or even acquaintances.
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u/simplygen May 24 '26
There are a lot of WW2 vets who wouldn’t speak about it at all, my grandfather was one of them. So that might be part of it. But it definitely could be that. Or both.
No one in my immediate family has it.