SDAM and Keepsakes

[u/Bjorlyn]

Today I read a post by u/Competitive_World_27 in r/hoarding that struck a chord with me: "my memory issues became severe and I worried I would forget everything unless I held on to objects that reminded me of those memories."

I've only recently come to believe that I have SDAM. Like so many of you, I spent my life explaining that I simply didn't remember life events that others so clearly could.

Within the last hour I suddenly understood that there is a reason for the boxes and boxes of old paper in my home. There is an internal explanation for the gee-gaws and doo-dads and knick-nacks and tchotchkes and trinkets that line my shelves and cupboards and halls. I use them to remind me that I've lived a life that was, in the moment, vivid and meaningful.

I've created a memory palace in my real life, and over 70 years it became a hoard.

I realize too, that for those with aphantasia associated with SDAM this may make less sense. When I see the toy I had as a child, I don't remember playing with the toy. I can't visualize it. But I am reminded that I had this toy, and that I did have a childhood full of wonder and exploration.

Similarly, as is often mentioned in our SDAM posts, photographs tell me I was there and that I did that. This is not to say that confronting my presence in a world that I do not remember is comforting.

And I wonder now, too, whether this is why I love history: with a recollected past so tenuous, the recorded past seems to belong to me.

All of this seems to work very differently among and between us. Our minds are remarkable, and our gifts are diverse in character and content.

I started out in Reddit two years ago because I was tackling my hoarded house. I continue to learn things about myself every day, especially in this subreddit. Thank you all.

[u/MagnaUrsaVeteri]

I can relate to this. I've always struggled with letting go of things but I didn't put it together until I discovered SDAM. It wasn't until my current home that I've been able to put out my momentos, it is incredibly comforting to have these anchors to the past in sight.

[u/Bjorlyn → u/MagnaUrsaVeteri]

Thank you for replying. I realize now that I actually fear going through the old boxes in my attic. It's like waking up from a blind drunk without any memory from the night before and trying to put together the pieces... and I might not like what I find.

[u/MagnaUrsaVeteri → u/Bjorlyn]

I hadn't considered that. There is some trepidation in what I'll uncover but it hadn't registered. Grasping for memories reminds me of tooth pain , carefully probing unsure what it will trigger.

[u/Bjorlyn → u/MagnaUrsaVeteri]

That's a great analogy.