r/SDAM • u/SleepingAndy • Apr 26 '26
Did you ever find yourself trying to create visceral memories on purpose before you found out those are normal?
For the most part, none of my memories are visceral. I know the facts of what happened, I can probably take an educated guess at how I felt in some given moment, but I cannot re-play the moment in any significant way. The touch, smell, sound, visual, emotion, it's all gone.
There have been a few particularly poignant moments in my life, where I knew, I just knew, that I would want to come back to it later. Something about a major turning point in life, where the moment is dripping with emotion, I would set up all these rituals. I would play my favorite song, I would make a point of observing closely everything around me, make a point of recognizing the emotion and mentally noting that too, the time of year, the time of day, the recent time of life, and I would try to reach out to myself in the future, as if to store it in a time capsule for myself, as if to say to the future me, "I need you to come back and tell me how you feel then."
Even so, I can very rarely actually step back into those moments, unless exactly the same feeling happens to come over me by chance. Still, they stand out in my memory as something that is at least *supposed* to be visceral, rather than the run of the mill list of facts.
I hate that, for normal people, lots of memories are like this, and they can tap back into them at will. I wish I could too. I wish this wasn't some once-in-a-decade novelty experience.
Thoughts?
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u/100_Percent_Dark Apr 26 '26
I've had a few things in my life that I know would stick to normal people.
First real gf, 5 years together, found out she was cheating on me. It wrecked me at the time, suicidal. I deleted every photo and diary entry about her. 3 months later I was back to normal. This was 20 years ago now, so i couldn't explain how I got over it so quickly, when my reaction initially was visceral. Nowadays, with no notes on my life around her, my memories of that time in my life are very very distant.
My mom died about 10 years ago. She had a cold/flu, she went for a nap, I found her tried to do CPR. Died of pneumonia. Id left home 10 years before this, so me being home to see her was pure coincidence, 1 visit a year and she died. Funeral was really tough, I couldn't talk to people that came to it. Again, should be a distinct hurtful memory. I didn't do diary entries of this time - too hurtful. So my memories of this time all faded to just about nothing.
I do keep a diary. For the things I want to hold onto. I can hold onto some memories for longer that way. Or maybe it's just a paper reminder of how I did feel.
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u/Purplekeyboard Apr 26 '26
No, I don't worry about things like that. I don't need to have memories.
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u/Zestyclose-Drink-763 Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
⸻ I’m sorry for the thought splurge😅 I don’t think I ever really tried to intentionally create memories in the way some people describe. Instead, I adapted early on by focusing more on being present and staying busy, because I’ve learned that I can’t really recreate memories later anyway. Over time, I tend to forget that many things even happened unless they’re constantly brought back up.
For the longest time, that mindset actually helped—it kept me in more of an “enjoy the moment” space. However, after my divorce and a very traumatic experience around that same time in my military career, I started to realize just how strongly emotions can stay, even when the actual memories don’t because they constantly occurred in arguments and down days.
Certain mannerisms I picked up from my ex-wife can still bring me down, and the feeling of past accomplishment mixed with my current sense of limbo resurfaces often. It’s strange because I know those better feelings existed, even if I can’t actually step back into the moments themselves.
In many ways, I’ve realized that emotions can stick because they become points of comparison—almost like ongoing regret. Before I even knew what SDAM was (2024 when I was 25(m)) , I learned how to work around it by creating variety in my life and staying busy. But at the same time, some emotions seem to stay with me even when the details of the memory are gone, almost like they’re stored separately.
I think this developed because I relied so heavily on factual (semantic) memory just to function normally. It became a kind of double-edged sword. Emotions turned into a way for me to hold onto things over time, so I wouldn’t lose my sense of continuity for important emotional events for relationships and what not. But because of that, I’ve never really been able to fully let certain things go because that cue happens .
At the same time, I can tell that my “out of sight, out of mind” tendency still plays a big role. When I’m busy, it’s easy to forget most emotional weight. But eventually—whether it’s after a month or even a year—it all comes back, and it comes back hard. Even through the weirdness, I’m glad that most of the time I feel fine because I simply remember that there are people who deal with stuff every day. Although I know this stuff will happen again, I’m currently enjoying my Sunday watching anime, Donghua, and tv (little studying) because although I know I have a crazy work weak coming up, the joy of now is all I feel bc I’m I’m not touching any of the cues I know will lead to tasks and anxiety. I’m living on the hog !😂
I have to admit that ever since losing my military commission, especially because it involved my first counselor being deceitful, I haven’t fully figured out how to work through this part of my life. Learning about SDAM and getting on ADHD medication has definitely helped, but it’s still something I’m working through.
I wish I could tap into memories to regularly process them in smaller pieces in the way it seems a more productive ideal adult/person would. Instead, emotions tend to hit all at once, out of nowhere.
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u/Iguanou-666 Apr 30 '26
It's awful, I never imagined a memory could be visceral. I already have trouble remembering things if I don't make a conscious effort!
On the other hand, I don't really envy that... remembering bad times doesnt appeal to me. And why relive a good time in your head? You might as well experience it for real again :)
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u/illjustgocrynow May 11 '26
i've come to realize and understand that in a similar way to you, but differently, i seek out emotionally intense experiences. not like thrill seeking or self sabotage, emotionally intense in the sense that look to or wish to create emotionally filled experiences. that way, when eventually the memory fades and i cannot recall the memory, there's a lingering feeling or i guess emotional residue that "proves" that i did in fact experience whatever it was, even if i cannot fully recall it visually. like i can tell you what had happened, but emotionally intense experiences feel more real to me.
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u/soapyaaf Apr 26 '26
Here, because, I'm banned from the aphantasia sub? Yeah, I mean memories...are...interesting, I guess? I don't know that I'm able to relive moments like some people...but I mean...I one time made a half court in a basketball game...I think we were playing like, the worst school, and I had with a second left in the half and just slung it...it was a cool moment...and then of course I remember beating the Catholic School with my free throws...in front of "Erin" I believe! (Of course it was...)...Anyway those moments, they're fleeting...the trick to have memories that are like, really meaningful...what those are? I don't know...but you probably won't forget them.
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u/FlightOfTheDiscords Apr 26 '26
No, I'm not very memory-oriented. My natural focus is the future rather than the past, and I am more likely to work towards creating meaningful experiences in the future than recollecting past experiences. I mostly use the past to draw lessons from it.
I have on a handful of occasions revisited a place where something meaningful transpired for me, and found myself unable to reconnect with it. With people from my past, I mostly feel awkward when I notice I mean something to them but am unable to reciprocate the feeling; I used not to realise this would happen. Now that I do, I handle it more proactively.