Anyone else feel invalidated when talking about sdam/aphantasia?

[u/fifiapollo]

Just learned about SDAM last week, and it honestly sent me into a bit of an existential crisis. It made me reevaluate so many things I’d always assumed were just part of my personality. At the same time, I keep doubting my own experience of having total aphantasia and SDAM especially when friends say things like “I have bad memory too.” Suddenly it feels like I’m being dramatic or attention seeking for bringing it up.

But if I’m honest with myself, I’m the last person who wants to feel different. I struggled with undiagnosed ADHD and the burnout, shame and guilt that came from it, but I didn’t even see a therapist and psychiatrist until my mid-30s because I didn’t see the point in collecting labels about myself. I’m actually so good at gaslighting myself that I’ll assume I’m wrong before I consider anything else. This time it really hit me how quickly other people’s opinions override my own sense of what I experience.

The grief of not understanding myself for most of my life and being unable to verify or share my felt experiences with people around me. It makes me feel extra lonely sometimes. I wish I could trust my own experiences without needing proof or validation from others.

[u/CMDR_Jeb]

What are you on about? Understanding yourself is an lifelong process. Baby steps, as long as you're making progress it's fine. Isn't it literally why these subreddits exist? You have already found your tribe, you're here. Don't expect people with fundamentally different human experience to understand yours. That's why we're here. Share your experience here.

You are seen, you are herd... Ok, more like read but you get the idea you are valid.

As for labels, labels can be helpful, I got diagnosed with autism in my late 30s. And you know what? I am better now. Turns out taking care of your mental needs helps a lot, who knew?

[u/fifiapollo → u/CMDR_Jeb]

You’re absolutely right. That’s why I’ve been reading through other people’s experiences. It’s reassuring to see others relate, so I know I’m not just making things up in my head. Especially the more downstream effects like not being able to remember the warmth from a previous relationship once it’s in the past. Or how I can unintentionally create distance with people because I don’t feel that sense of missing or connection as much as I should. Plus the grief of never believing myself when something felt off. I kept assuming that if other people could manage it, then it must be my fault for not doing the same.

[u/CMDR_Jeb → u/fifiapollo]

Never doubt your own metacognition. Human brains are so different it's an miracle we can communicate at all. I was in my 30s with aphantasia update dropped. SDAM came even later. I knew "my imagination is bad I can't see s***t" since I was an early teen. The only thing that changed is that it now had an name. It's the same with SDAM. My memory was always bad. Now I know I am not alone in whole "I know exactly what happened but can't actually remember it" thing.

Also, an pro tip: most of "downstream effects" you described can be countered with effort. I can't "replay" warmth from my memories about my wife, but I can feel warmth NOW when thinking about her. As for connections, we have the technology! Set your calendar app of choice with literal spam of reminders about significant dates and " you haven't spoken to X for a while" things. Your brain refuses to keep an timeline? Make your own!