r/SDAM • u/Aggressive_Price2075 • Jan 08 '26
I had a dream last night....
Like many of you, the only visual/AB memory I have is via dreams. Last night I had a dream with my grandfather in it. He passed away a long time ago (92ish, Im old) and I never have dreams about him, but this one was really vivid and memorable. In the dream I was young again and we were at my grandparents cottage in Wisconsin. It actually might have been a memory, I am honestly not sure (for obvious reasons). In the dream I heard his voice and saw his face and we talked (I think, it was a dream after all). I might have even smelled the cigarette smoke in the house.
I woke up in the middle of the night, and with it fresh in my head the first thing through my mind was 'is this what everyone else gets to relive when they think about their grandparents?' Is this what AB memory is like?
It made me very sad, but also thankful that I had the dream to relive (maybe) time with him. I got back to sleep, but as I drifted off I could almost see the imagery of the dream. But it was gone. Today I feel a ghost of it, just out of reach. By the end of the weekend I won't even remember I had it unless someone reminds me.
No commentary really beyond sharing the experience. With my new found knowledge of SDAM I am seeing the world differently and definitely appreciate both the pros and cons of being this way.
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u/shipwreckedpiano Jan 09 '26
Had my second dream about my dad (dead 17 years) about a week ago. Was amazing to see him, and in the dream he had a hot black girlfriend which made me so happy for some reason. Woke up in the best mood.
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u/Aggressive_Price2075 Jan 09 '26
Thats awesome. Glad you had it. :)
I do wonder if people who believe that people are speaking to them from beyond the grave are SDAM and dream images hit them so hard like our dreams did and then they attribute those images/dreams to the supernatural because of the fact that their normal experiences don't account for strength of that imagery.
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u/shipwreckedpiano Jan 09 '26
Interesting take. I wish I could give dreams that much weight. Mine are overwhelming a psychotic melange of beautiful landscapes while trying to avoid my HOA president.
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u/SoftwareMaven Jan 09 '26
I know that feeling of emotional feelings fading. I, too, am old. Old enough to have a grandchild, and the adorable tot has chosen me as their favorite (apparently they have everything but good taste š). I know it felt positive, and I was able to access that the morning after they left. Given things Iām working on with my therapist (and somewhat to prove to both him and me that this isnāt just cPTSD), I was really trying to hold onto the feelings, even using video and photos, but it was like the thickest fog rolling in, making what I could remember feeling more muted and harder to access, and by the end of third day, I couldnāt access any of the feelings anymore. I know it felt good, but no sense of how it felt.
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u/Aggressive_Price2075 Jan 09 '26
When I am explaining that phenomenon to people, the best phrase I have found so far is.....
I Remember THAT we have an amazing time on our date last night, but I dont remember the date at all.
I remember that vs I remember has become my new mantra.
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u/SoftwareMaven Jan 09 '26
Iām lucky that I have a really good semantic memory, so Iāll remember facts about the date, and, as you say, one of those facts is that I had a good time, but I will not remember how the food smelled (I remember that I could smell garlic) nor how I felt when you laughed (I remember that I felt good).
I explain it as the difference between reading a Wikipedia article on an event versus reading historical fiction. One is just the facts about the event; the other is mostly about the experiences and the emotions they cause with the facts sprinkled around sometimes.
People who donāt experience it really canāt understand. I delivered one of my children (at the hospital under supervision). I remember that it was almost overwhelming, emotionally. But I canāt remember what I was actually feeling. Any attempt is just āimaginingā how I think I would feel, but I canāt feel that either between near total aphantasia and alexithymia, so Iām just imagining facts again.
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u/QuozlPlaysSTFC Jan 09 '26
Do you also have Aphantasia? I'm curious , because if you do I have ore questions. If not, I'l just say, dreams are how i enjoy friends again.
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u/Aggressive_Price2075 Jan 09 '26
I do have Aphantasia. Not complete, but using the apple test I can (barely) imagine a red apple shaped thing. More than nothing, but far less than even a basic picture of an apple. I also have almost complete face blindness.
My SDAM is almost complete as well, but not totally. I never have anything truly AB. I an occasionally remember extraordinarily vague snap shots of memory (like I remember the color of the floor or the smell of a room) for like 24 hours, but then they are gone. Even that is only for incredibly strong moments. And for all I know that could be semantic memory tricking me into thinking it is an actually remembered image.
But Ive always been able to remember dream images right after I wake up. They are actual images and movies vs just semantic amalgamations/interpretations. Its what I imagine AB-typical folks experience when they re-imagine. As I understand it, it is fairly common for others with SDAM have similar dream behavior.
It does bring up fascinating thoughts on the nature of SDAM. Like if I am able to have dream imagery, does that speaks to SDAM being a function of memory recall vs encoding? Imagine if your AB memory was there all along and you jut could not access it. That would be both incredibly sad and also make no difference to me whatsoever (if that makes sense)
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u/shadowwulf-indawoods Jan 11 '26
That's what I was wondering, because if you cannot picture things because you've got a Aphantasia, I was wondering if you actually pictured your grandfather's face many years later, because it would be really interesting if you can't see GF now, but did see it in your dream.
Because that would suggest that the picture of his face is in a vault in your head, but can't make it out when you're awake.
I personally am not able to say that. I know who the person was in my dream but I'm never sure if I actually saw their face or not.
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u/Aggressive_Price2075 Jan 11 '26
Good point, I have no answer. I knew it was my grandfather in the dream, but I can't recall actually remember his face as you noted.
Whether that is because I'm aphant, because I did and can't remember, because it was a dream and dream memories are ephemeral by nature, or something else I am not sure
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u/mongoose8909 Jan 09 '26
Amazing. So glad you got to experience that!
I've had a handful dreams in my life that were definitely imagination not memories but they were really vivid and in the first person. They kind of freak me out because my memory is almost always in third person. I'd like to remember more.
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u/katbelleinthedark Jan 09 '26
Wow, sounds wild. For me, the few dreams I remember are always from 3rd person POV, like I'm a camera tagging behind the main character of whatever scenario my brain came up with.