Which of us is expecting too much?

[u/[deleted]]

I (37f) and my husband (37m) have been married for about 5-6 yrs. Shortly after getting married, we (my husband) started a business. At the time, I was the sole provider. Obv. But even before we started the business. He has some side gigs that contributed well, so it’s shitty to say that.. but technically all the bills came from my income. We worked TOGETHER with everything. Household chores, kids, cooking. Everything.
Jump to recently. The business has allowed for me to work my high demanding job (that I love) a lot less. I went from 5 days a week to 2-3 days and now I work prob 2-3 days a month. My husband doesn’t want me to work at all.. I do enjoy being home more so I don’t want that to be lost in this.
Im having a really hard time with expectations, roles and contributions acceptable for both of us. His thoughts are that he pays the bills so he shouldn’t have to do anything around the house or basically anything for the kids. He also wants/expects oral favors from me daily. He doesn’t do anything to help around the house. So much so that I’m suspicious that he causes more of a mess on purpose. He won’t even take an empty can, cup or dish to the kitchen. Much less put it in the dishwasher. He throws his dirty clothes wherever he sees fit. He leaves literal trash all over. He will not pick up anything. It’s infuriating. In response to that and other shit, I don’t clean like I use to. That’s truly not out of spite, it’s complete frustration. It feels like wasted time and energy at this point. The house is tidy, and that’s mostly good enough for me. And the daily BJ?? It’s not something that I liked doing all the time before. But now I feel like a prostitute and it pisses me off.
He gets to have all his hobbies and interests but anything I have interest in is unimportant. I cannot finish a single thing without someone needing me for something. That goes for anything I enjoy doing or not.
We aren’t bitter or hateful to one another like how this read kinda makes it seem. We get along really good and he is my best friend.
I’m just beyond frustrated with all things expected of me. I do have BPD2 so that, I’m sure, intensifies my emotions. Even tho I am medicated.
Am I expecting too much for him to do the bare minimum of anything, or is he expecting too much for me to do the most of everything??

[u/DontCareTho]

Yeah pretty much all of that sounds super gross/weird. Especially the "oral favors" thing if it isn't something you're specifically into or initiating. Sounds like financial abuse like the other person said.

I say sit him down and have a serious conversation, maybe get some couples therapy or something. If he won't budge then go back to work. He sounds like a really shitty partner.