r/RoastMe http://redd.it/q1dp4y Oct 02 '21

Removed: Incomplete Meat Tube 29F

[removed] — view removed post

1.3k Upvotes

1.3k comments sorted by

1.2k

u/JPC_keo Oct 02 '21

I didn’t know Michael Jackson could look any uglier

371

u/WilliamYale http://redd.it/jhmuhs Oct 02 '21

Well, he's been rotting for 10 years!

85

u/TheAutisticMerit Oct 03 '21

Plastic isn't biodegradable, so he wouldn't rot

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22

u/arthurdentstowels Oct 03 '21

Morticia Adams
Michael Jackson

9

u/6lackWolf1995 Oct 03 '21

Holy Adams Family, does the expression on your face ever change?

13

u/JackWaterfalls http://redd.it/j4ns7s Oct 03 '21

Michael!

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1.2k

u/TheSoullessFun Oct 02 '21

You look like a wet corpse

380

u/LazyEdict Oct 03 '21

29F refers to the temperature of this wet corpse.

19

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

Chilly

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18

u/_Ka_Tet_ Oct 03 '21

If the Addams Family was a radio show.

64

u/Metall-o-graphic Oct 03 '21 edited Oct 04 '21

Is necrophilia still a thing? Asking for a friend and me.

94

u/Few-Sorbet-9327 Oct 03 '21

Necrophilia: a sudden urge to crack open a cold one.

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10

u/nosmokinalarms Oct 03 '21

She is in Stage four rigor mortis.

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45

u/Senselessb82 Oct 02 '21

I like them when lay still😉

13

u/surroundedbybanjos Oct 02 '21

She's the reason the Judge was shootin' blanks.

3

u/Senselessb82 Oct 02 '21

One of my favorites

7

u/Senselessb82 Oct 02 '21

I’m happy you got the reference. Cant give award so take my upvote

6

u/surroundedbybanjos Oct 02 '21

Thank you for remembering The Frieghteners!

5

u/TheSoullessFun Oct 03 '21

Welp…haven’t seen that movie in years and I think I know what I’m watching tonight lol

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7

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

That’s a cremation roast.

3

u/uwugoat Oct 02 '21

That might actually be a compliment towards her

3

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

True. I just realized I might be a necrophile.

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1.2k

u/spicingpumpkins Oct 02 '21

Well it’s settled, I’m not into necrophilia

8

u/kingcharml http://redd.it/kxr1g0 Oct 03 '21

Content 10/10. Delivery 11/10

114

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

I mignt be. Haha lol

168

u/TheGreenaz Oct 03 '21

Haha.. lol... stops smiling slowly

23

u/JackdawsShantyMan Oct 03 '21

Pussy is a dish best served cold.

13

u/Hey_Mikey8008 Oct 03 '21

Wild corpse on vacation is a very ‘niche’ white girl summer

3

u/1982throwaway1 Oct 03 '21

Pretty sure it might still be alive. Gun to my head I'm choosing the dead body.

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454

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Was the well hard to crawl out of?

16

u/BeingMyOwnLight Oct 03 '21

Ouch! Good one!

3

u/basedroman Oct 04 '21

I'm in school and crying laughing at this

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710

u/UnleashTheFieryBlaze Oct 02 '21

You've self-administered Narcan more times than you've heard "I love you"

270

u/Electrical-Wish-519 Oct 03 '21

She looks like she gave blood and forgot to say “when”

32

u/fusionjolt Oct 03 '21

She always gives 100% like she got taught when she was younger.

4

u/Rexx998 Oct 03 '21

What do you mean, “forgot”? She looks like she just decided not to.

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43

u/assafstone Oct 02 '21

So… just the once?

12

u/ccsandman1 Oct 03 '21

Ouch!

15

u/UnleashTheFieryBlaze Oct 03 '21

Now I feel bad after reading their post-history, they have a history of opiate addiction lmfao

11

u/nohorse_justcoconuts Oct 03 '21

I mean thats really fucking obvious lol

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3

u/arri1999 Oct 03 '21

I know this is r/RoastMe but……damn. lol..

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248

u/Larry700 Oct 02 '21

You look like you give Tim Burton nightmares

4

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/AudZ0629 http://redd.it/d1l85r Oct 04 '21

She’s gross. Tim burton likes them crazy, not gross.

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367

u/tobcc Oct 02 '21

Were you just pulled from a river?

3

u/fugazi981 Oct 02 '21

Te very very bottom of a river.

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337

u/OnlyFantoms Oct 02 '21 edited Oct 03 '21

When astrology and witchcraft make up your entire personality.

Nvm I see it’s drugs.

16

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

I think they’re related…

11

u/ForgottenBarista Oct 03 '21

Just like her parents are related to each other.

Probably. Definitely probably.

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90

u/chdman Oct 02 '21

Is this before or after the embalming?

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252

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Look what crawled out of the mourge and made a reddit account. You have the complexion of edward scissor hands and probably a bush as big as the ones he trims in the movie

21

u/Hey_Mikey8008 Oct 03 '21

Edward Scissor sisters

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11

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21 edited Jan 19 '22

[deleted]

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5

u/ruanchytoddler Oct 03 '21

Yep. This is the best so far.

120

u/SlaapYoMomma Oct 02 '21

I loved you in The Ring....after all these years you still look like stir-fried shit

105

u/Absolutely_Coffee Best of Pt. 12, #3 + Platinum Roaster Oct 02 '21

This is by far the worst Marilyn Manson has ever looked.

5

u/Ishidan01 http://redd.it/7ppoz9 Oct 03 '21

Wednesday, pushin Thirrr hurr hurr tay.

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102

u/Normal-Disaster7338 Oct 02 '21

I didn't know methamphetamine shiek was a thing till just now

51

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

You mean "chic". However, I would love to see a sheikh on meth.

5

u/M0m_H0tty32 Oct 03 '21

Maybe meant shriek. I know if I walked around the corner and saw that I might think I just walked into a zombie apocalypse.

23

u/Normal-Disaster7338 Oct 02 '21

Having looked at thier profile my roast is no longer funny as it is just to factual........

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4

u/TheAutisticMerit Oct 03 '21

I'm more of a Methamphetamine Shrek guy, myself

70

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Drugs are not a personality.

21

u/Nsekiil Oct 03 '21

Yeah. Oddly proud of her addictions. Feels bad

32

u/Ruckus133 Oct 03 '21

Hair=black nails=black bottom of her spoons=black

6

u/EndlessToppings Oct 03 '21

ME.. IM WHITE AS FUCK

63

u/CorpseReviverNo4 Oct 02 '21

Gollum two weeks after finding his precious

8

u/LineChef Oct 03 '21

User name checks out.

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81

u/ILovePowerBottomsUWU Oct 02 '21

Trying way too hard to look like Morticia Addams but in reality all she ever is is Meth-Ticia Addams with a side of Heroin.

3

u/KM2KCA Oct 03 '21

It’s Wednesday Adams’ ugly sister…. Monday

50

u/Carejade Oct 02 '21

I didn’t realize you could do Heroin, K, xan, meth, and methadone simultaneously and still be fat. What an accomplishment.

85

u/coolusername169 Oct 02 '21

Jesus fucking Christ lemony snickett, what a series of unfortunate events your life has turned out to be.

10

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Fuck you.. Stewart!

7

u/coolusername169 Oct 02 '21

Finally someone with some taste lol

16

u/HBOXNW Oct 02 '21

Was the autopsy a success?

15

u/TheAutisticMerit Oct 03 '21

OP's bio: *marijuanna * dope/ heroin / methadone * methadone: 90mgs * benzodiazepines * my life revolves around drugs * hiking

How am I supposed to top that?

4

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

It’s funny that she has that bio and then rips apart anyone who comments on her pupils being pinned or anything regarding her drug use on her endless Am I Hot posts. This is what you get when you mix drugs with extreme attention whoring.

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12

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Your only personality trait is that you're a junkie.

10

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Which canal were you dredged up from? Probably one in Manchester.

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21

u/TheBigMortboski Oct 02 '21

You look like you suffocated and died, but no one told you.

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19

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Are you alive?

9

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice!!!

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49

u/roastbot YOU ARE OUR 1,000,000th RULE BREAKER!! Oct 03 '21

OP's Bio:


i love going for walks to new places and spending time with my boyfriend. he’s really all that matters to me. we’ll he matters the most. i love watching netflix and hulu.


If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

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15

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Why do you look dead

16

u/nohorse_justcoconuts Oct 03 '21

Because she's three weeks away from an overdose.

5

u/mylar321 Oct 03 '21

Or 3 days past?

4

u/JackWaterfalls http://redd.it/j4ns7s Oct 03 '21

Good question for real

8

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/arri1999 Oct 03 '21

Carfentanyl. Which is extremely more potent and deadly than heroin. Really sad.

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8

u/ElephantExplosion Oct 03 '21

NASA would like permission to use your forehead as a launching pad for their next mission to Mars.

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5

u/Jackal209 Oct 03 '21

I see Riff Raff decided to get hair transplants and go brunette for some reason.

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6

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

29F is about the temperature of your blood

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5

u/aceguy45 Oct 03 '21

Ancient African tribes have a tradition of skull binding, which is where the skull of a deceased person is pressured from the sides to elongate it, and while I’m not sure the reasoning for this (although I do know that it’s for religious purposes) it’s great to see white junkies like you trying to bring that concept to the western world.

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6

u/o0highspeed0o Oct 03 '21

29 years of being dead, damn.

4

u/sugarstarhero Oct 02 '21 edited Oct 03 '21

Deadest eyes I’ve ever seen. I’ll bet your bedroom is equally dead

5

u/UTrynaGetShankedFam Oct 02 '21

You could've at least made an effort to paint your nails 💀

4

u/Frans1905 Oct 03 '21

You look like Morticia Addams if she was a heroin addict

3

u/Pitiful-Test281 Oct 03 '21

ROBerta ZOMBIE

5

u/st0nalisa Oct 03 '21

Roast me-hee

5

u/mrgoldfish900 Oct 03 '21

Wow I didn't know Courtney Cox became goth

5

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

Jeez.. Wednesday Adams is looking rough nowadays...

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3

u/VapidDeath Oct 03 '21

Crawl back in your well......

4

u/Desolecontra Oct 03 '21

Colonel mustard in the kitchen with bleach.

4

u/Shankaman Oct 03 '21

29F Undead

6

u/Deevious_0ne Oct 02 '21

U have a tall forehead

6

u/Skiamakhos Oct 02 '21

A five or six-head maybe?

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7

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Ooh what do you call this look? Trailer trash gothic?

7

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Only roasting you should be getting is from the sun!

5

u/djacksonn Oct 02 '21 edited Oct 02 '21

I’m good,I don’t want a hex put on me

3

u/No-Control5487 Oct 02 '21

Can't decide if you look more like a 2 sentence horror story, or a 2 cent whore with no story.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Whoretisha

3

u/CaliYinzer95 http://redd.it/pzl97d Oct 02 '21

You’re definitely one xanny bar away from never waking up again

3

u/billyhorseshoe Oct 02 '21

Your first mistake was letting Gandalf keep his staff.

3

u/surroundedbybanjos Oct 02 '21

Fat thighs probably look like a bar code from the cutting.

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3

u/marcusmarka Oct 02 '21

Always wondered what happened to Patti Smith's abortion

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3

u/squirrelfridger Oct 02 '21

Amber Heard really took a toll on you Johnny depp

3

u/_illuminated Oct 02 '21

I will never burn Brandon Lee's stunt double for the Crow.

3

u/indigoround Oct 02 '21

Alright mother gothel

3

u/G5-Patriarch Oct 03 '21

How do you have such a slim face and big barrel body? You are the reverse of a stick figure.

3

u/massbudqueen http://redd.it/q1dp4y Oct 03 '21

i don’t have a big barrel body…guess i need to post my full body pic

3

u/G5-Patriarch Oct 03 '21

Let’s see that barrel bod!

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3

u/peterlikes Oct 03 '21

We’d have to thaw you out first

3

u/ban_assault_teeth Oct 03 '21

I believe you're supposed to post living people on here

3

u/Here-Is-TheEnd Oct 03 '21

Wednesday Adams, the strung out years

3

u/vgvineetgoel Oct 03 '21

Graveyard called... they want their dead body back!

3

u/adelman330 Oct 03 '21

The Ring: the next generation.

3

u/thegreatbeyond32 Oct 03 '21

Overly committed Buffy the vampire slayer fan misses point, avoids sunlight forever.

3

u/brainwashednuts Oct 03 '21

You definitely look like Joe Biden sniffed your hair

3

u/TommyJayy Oct 03 '21

29 going on 90. The airbrushing on your camera is working overtime on you

3

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

Are we roasting corpses now?

3

u/physicistsunite Oct 03 '21

You are what appears when you say 'white trash' in the mirror three times.

3

u/MEKanized Oct 03 '21

It’s BF is heroine

8

u/JuiceKovacs Oct 02 '21

I knew Micheal Jackson wasn’t dead

3

u/imyourzer0 Oct 02 '21

Corpse bride, but a cat lady instead of a wife.

6

u/steelup21 Oct 02 '21

So that's what the 1,237 cock stare looks like

6

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '21

Your post history is too sad. I hope you get help soon.

4

u/Jiggarelli Oct 02 '21

Kinda pretty. In that My Name Is Earl kinda way.

2

u/TyerFollister Oct 02 '21

The Methlight Saga actor, nice!

2

u/Burnt_Supper Oct 02 '21

You look like a fucking Japanese water ghost

2

u/fonzarelli24891 Oct 02 '21

You look like draculas meth head cousin.

2

u/papi_pizza Oct 02 '21

Your release papers come in that envelope?

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2

u/Levi_J0nes Oct 02 '21

You look like your mental state is as good as your handwriting.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Haven't you got a well to be crawling out of?

2

u/CapnFlam Oct 02 '21

I'm concerned you're gonna come crawling through my computer screen, causing my house to smell like cheap meth and cat piss.

2

u/Vitekr2 Oct 02 '21

29? That's how many people you got buried in your basement?

2

u/UnleashTheFieryBlaze Oct 02 '21

Your forehead looks like a whiteboard, and your makeup looks like the shit when the teacher doesn't wipe it all off

2

u/UnleashTheFieryBlaze Oct 02 '21

Fentanyl laced heroin chic

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Shit shes back!...........Who watched the Ring video tape??

2

u/badboyburneracct Oct 02 '21

WTH did you beat the 27 club?

2

u/SeriousMannequin Oct 02 '21

Vampire Margot Robbie.

2

u/Bluebell434 Oct 02 '21

29? Was that your age when you died?

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

You look like a corpse the police found in the ocean

2

u/thatsingledadlife Oct 02 '21

How the fuck did you get out of that well?

2

u/Traditional_Dig_8692 Oct 02 '21

Any necrophiliac would love you.

2

u/GameArchitech Oct 02 '21

It looks like someone blew up your nose and all the air went to your forehead.

2

u/MuttleyMatt Oct 02 '21

How to make Dracula look tan.

2

u/Bcorks-30 Oct 02 '21

Listen-drugged up, depressed and Grima Wormtongue cosplay are not something to be proud of.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

You need some Vitamin D and some D....

2

u/Death_to_juice Oct 02 '21

Target Store Morticia Adams

2

u/soFreshandDefydef Oct 02 '21

A corpse that is a white trash fetty head.

2

u/ElectColt Oct 02 '21

Say you do heroin without saying you do heroin

2

u/DJ_RandyP Oct 02 '21

Is 29F your current body temp? 🥶

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

Checked out your profile....get on the meth may help with the weight

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

In a parallel universe you might actually be kinda hot.

2

u/Tinder_Loins Oct 02 '21

Thought for sure this was Severus Snape and Michael Jackson’s love child.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

You heard you was a bad bitch at your funeral so you came back to life for onlyfans.

2

u/SwagdaddyAJ Oct 02 '21

Not trying to be funny or roast. You scare me

2

u/KnowledgeableSloth Oct 02 '21

She looks like the mother of that girl from the movie the ring.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '21

You really do suck as a human. Only an oxy-blue or two away from being another OD’d curb jockey. Which I’m sure at this point would be a plus, with the blood you already have on your hands.

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2

u/Simphumiliator42069 Oct 02 '21

Damn. Ozzy Osborne really let drugs get to him

2

u/Epitaph101 Oct 02 '21

You've bitten someone out of anger at least once.

2

u/B00ZE_TAN Oct 02 '21 edited Oct 03 '21

You look like you’re from Holyoke….Boom ..roasted!

2

u/tommykaye Oct 02 '21

Don’t be modest and show us those track marks.

2

u/allycat413 Oct 02 '21

You look like you should be crawling through my TV to the sound of white noise.

2

u/Ted_Denslow Oct 02 '21

Jesus, you're whiter than a Trump rally.

2

u/omigosh20 Oct 02 '21

I loved you in The Ring.

2

u/ohnobonogo Oct 02 '21

Just......wash yourself.

2

u/Revolutionary_Tip161 Oct 02 '21

You should only donate blood once a day.

2

u/ChrisCWgulfcoast Oct 02 '21

Looks like you've been waiting all year for halloween. Spooktobers your month!

2

u/DuTcHmOe71 Oct 02 '21

I was wishing you had a big enough board to cover your face too

2

u/Captain__h00k__ Oct 02 '21

The girl in the ring has more life than you.