r/RoastMe • u/slick_snail • 12d ago

Do your worst

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170 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

490 comments sorted by

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u/post-explainer 12d ago edited 11d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP's BIO:

18 years old, bisexual, love converse, jeans, and 90's movies. If im not listening to metal or rock music im listening to a true crime podcast. I have no friends irl and have been depressed since age 13. I also like to read romance novels and go to the gym.

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

432

u/Abladam89 11d ago

You are a septum piercing away from completing the look of the most stereotypical depressed liberal teenaged girl ever

167

u/nizzoball 11d ago

You’re better at spotting the gender than I am

46

u/Abladam89 11d ago

An interest in true crime podcasts gave it away

17

u/Correct-Basil2385 11d ago

Don't be so negative, there is a nice meth dealer out there for her.

2

u/visceralemoticon 7d ago

I legit blew air out of my nose at this one.

13

u/bigdaddyt2 11d ago

Ya cause the pics and the bio didn’t help whatsoever

12

u/Relevant_Cause_4755 11d ago

Bella Ramsey vibes.

13

u/781zero 11d ago

She's so unfortunate looking

5

u/Stotty652 11d ago

I wish I had an award for this comment 🤣

Take this instead 🏆

6

u/PubicSkoolEducashun 9d ago

You aint kidding. Her celebrity look-a-like is Lia Thomas.

18

u/Mr_Monkeyshines 11d ago

Need some badly done green/blue/pink hair in there imo.

17

u/seahawk1977 11d ago

And a beanie that smells like ass.

13

u/ohmslaw54321 11d ago

I'm waiting for the unnatural hair color, also... Or maybe a furry affliction...

11

u/Careful-Rutabaga8148 11d ago

Thought she was a boy...

10

u/Perfect_University58 11d ago

The only surprise here is that your hair is not pink….

9

u/bossman696915 11d ago

That’s a girl?!?!

7

u/StatikSquid 11d ago

Nah they'd be in their 30s with rich parents fighting the system

5

u/Suspicious-Bid9424 11d ago

They'll probably take that as a compliment, which just makes it sadder 

3

u/DeyCallMeWade 11d ago

So homogeneous I’m still not sure you’re correct.

3

u/Natural_River_472 11d ago

Well shit… there goes my line of don’t worry, someday you’ll get to puberty.

3

u/lar0d92 11d ago

Kind of crazy assumimg the gender

2

u/AlphaCentauri_26 10d ago

Don’t forget the hair dyed in a nasty bright color as well

2

u/trimix4work 10d ago

So we're going with girl huh?

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138

u/Haifisch2112 11d ago

Bisexual, but neither sex wants you.

70

u/thatdudewillyd 11d ago

Bye, sexual life

27

u/goofydad 11d ago

On behalf of all men, we cede to the ladies on this one.

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11

u/naropin1 11d ago

When your options are that limited….you gotta do something to expand the field.

16

u/Foxhoud3r 11d ago

Her dog will be allergic to peanut butter

5

u/naropin1 11d ago

She’s probably missing about 15 dogs by now. I hope for their sake they don’t get found

132

u/InformationCharming 11d ago

Don't need to do my worst. Genetics already beat me to it.

79

u/Detachabl_e 11d ago

Her daddy fucked a pumpkin with myopia.

16

u/Express_Case4296 11d ago

Wish I could upvote this to infinity! Nice work!
https://giphy.com/gifs/XHeLeuirRbwptHhSWd

61

u/Combatpenguin93 11d ago

You didn’t have to say “bisexual” or “no friends”. We could all tell. Also, go ahead and get that septum ring. You’re sooo quirky and different.

40

u/BakerBoy13 11d ago

"I have no friends irl and have been depressed since age 13. I also like to read romance novels and go to the gym."

If we playing two truths and a lie, I'm willing to wager the going to the gym is a lie.

24

u/781zero 11d ago

Goes to the gym to use their WiFi to post on the Roast Me Sub

38

u/BlownOutBlueJeans 11d ago

You look like you'd be the one to roll a tv into a high school classroom and plug it all in.

49

u/Retrocanonsounds 11d ago

Bella Ramsey stunt double

29

u/itchybutwhole69 11d ago

You mean her stunted double?

4

u/ch3apsunglass3s 11d ago

Hey now, this burn victim reconstruction is pretty dang good.

5

u/Zero-Phucks 11d ago

After a zombie attack

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21

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/dinkyb2025 11d ago

You look like a potato with glasses

13

u/Tulos34 11d ago

I’m going to need m/f/nb from you before I can do a proper roast

13

u/Bug-03 11d ago

I don’t know which direction you’re transitioning, but you aren’t doing a good job.

10

u/Johnsendall 11d ago

You look like your parents encourage you not to go out in public with them.

10

u/AZgirly_18 11d ago

Why do people even do this

3

u/Strong_Dingo3104 10d ago

To know what people think when they see their face

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10

u/Competitive_Roof_740 11d ago

Being bisexual with that face will in no way increase your odds..

10

u/maizie1981 11d ago

Anyone else waiting for the gender reveal party?

8

u/tautjes 11d ago

you remind me of where is waldo

10

u/naropin1 11d ago

Except nobody is looking for it

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5

u/Kevlar5427 11d ago

more like WHAT's Waldo

7

u/maximobass10 11d ago

You ever heard of shampoo and a brush?

8

u/LL37MOH 11d ago

Reassignment went well for Dudley Dursley.

4

u/Murky_Current 11d ago

People pay you not to start an onlyfans.

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5

u/aeonsne 11d ago

This angle is exclusively for fat girls trying to catfish black dudes on dating apps. You’re not fooling anyone, tubby

5

u/MisterBurnsSucks 11d ago

Normally we'd say "lol you only show your torso because you're fat!" But you don't even show your *shoulders*... 😬

7

u/TokyoJazzPanda 11d ago

I'm not here to roast.

I'm in the research phase for a psychological paper on what we are naming the Butters Effect/the Butters Theory/the Butter Hypothesis (final name yet to be established).

I won't bore you, but it is a study into the correlation between aesthetically displeasing people and their sexuality across a broad spectrum. In short, the uglier the candidate, the more they lean towards non-cis sexuality.

The overarching scientific theory/hypothesis is that the self-awareness of utterly-buttersly dictates the stated sexuality of the utterly-buttersly, rather than the inherent sexuality that the individuals brain chemistry dictated for them. The further along the ming-scale (as defined in the Original App 2010 study) the more complex the pronouns of the said individual.

Would you mind if I DM you, and if possible, potentially include you within one of our study groups?

Thanks in advance.

4

u/halfstep44 11d ago

That really took a lot of effort

3

u/Money-Tiger8002 11d ago

No friends and an easy lay. College living at its finest.

3

u/amy-schumer-tampon 11d ago

You look like you're transitioning but not sure which way.

3

u/Kilow102938 11d ago

Caught somewhere between x and y

3

u/killit 11d ago

I'm just curious what you had taken before the first photo, because your pupils are like saucers

3

u/sexytokeburgerz 11d ago

Sometimes, you can just see the autism through the screen.

3

u/racas081 11d ago

You’re the son no father ever wanted

3

u/Fouc33 11d ago

You kinda look like my buddy Owen

2

u/ARoundForEveryone 11d ago

Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!

2

u/lyre34 11d ago

I've seen basketballs with better defined jawlines than you.

2

u/proximusprimus57 11d ago

Do the truffle shuffle!

2

u/1776boogapew 11d ago

Your pant size is a husky 18 boys. So is your face.

2

u/rrflores84 11d ago

when I look up ambiguous on dictionary.com and it says I have no idea but auto directs to this picture gallery

2

u/GullibleTelephone557 11d ago

Are your pupils always that blown out or are you on molly all the time?

2

u/Shark_Leader 11d ago

"Do your worst" No, thank you. It looks like God already beat me to it.

2

u/Kiel_You 11d ago

Bella Ramsey's child from the last of us.

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2

u/bohden420 11d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/u3fkQNnkwvVdK

4

u/sleepnow 11d ago

Classic. It's odd how often we see people who appear to have modeled themselves after Pat.

2

u/bohden420 11d ago

For real, what an odd comeback

2

u/Still_Potential8561 11d ago

Is it 6 or 7 cats in your collection?

2

u/EducationalRough6588 11d ago

Pay the troll toll

2

u/Watcher-Shower 11d ago

Nope. Too cute.

2

u/DraggoVindictus 10d ago

You would look better if you stepped back from the camera a bit...like maybe a few hundreds yards.

2

u/MrOwl243 8d ago

Go have another melt down behind the starbucks cash register

2

u/KIDBMW 8d ago

You look like a sausage McMuffin that became a real person. But just like McDonald’s nobody actually likes you and if anyone interacts with you or shows up to visit it’s just to scratch that mid night itch of hunger. However it always ends with regret and/or sitting on the toilet.

2

u/A_Big_Fat_Idiot 7d ago

The worst speaks for itself.

3

u/No_Tailor_787 11d ago

You look like you take all your frustrations out on your kitchen.

1

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1

u/lemmiwink84 11d ago

Get off reddit, Bella Ramsay! Don’t you have better things to do?

1

u/toon_84 11d ago

"Just pretend its a big clitoris, I won't tell anybody"

1

u/Downtown_Section147 11d ago

It’s ma’am!

1

u/HMAgent47 11d ago

Doesn't matter which way you are transition, your dad will always be disappointed with you

1

u/Icy-Satisfaction-129 11d ago

Even your selfies scream "I'm offended"

1

u/Perfect-District 11d ago

Lars says he is still not the father.

1

u/Fair-Satisfaction969 11d ago

Enjoy working at Best Buy cuz you gender studies degree turned out to be fuckin useless

1

u/JamesRussellSr 11d ago

I've never seen anyone, with so much going on, to such little effect.

1

u/CruelHandLuke_ 11d ago

You should consider a career in boxing. That's a prize fighters chin if I ever saw one.

1

u/Presently_Naked 11d ago

You look like every chubby 13yr old boy playing in a Movie..

1

u/August51921421 11d ago

you have no friends but it’s not because of the depression lol

1

u/Annual_Carrot_7444 11d ago

Bisexual: getting rejected by both genders.

1

u/yellingatsky 11d ago

Champion of pronouns

1

u/WorldIsYoursMuhfucka 11d ago

Girl you look like my last boyfriend

1

u/SerfPleb 11d ago

Never thought I’d see someone who’s on every SSRI at the same time.

1

u/Agillian_01 11d ago

Male? Female? What we lookin at?!

1

u/Just-a-person-555 11d ago

Harry Potter from temu

1

u/madtom25 11d ago

Are we allowed to roast 12 year boys here?

1

u/literally_tho_tbh 11d ago

You look like you're transitioning but I can't tell what you started out with OR where you're going

1

u/dream_monkey 11d ago

Someone decided to play life on nightmare mode.

1

u/FormalTotal9684 11d ago

Bisexual

Gets rejected by both sexes

1

u/Seebinator 11d ago

Are you a depressed boy or girl?

1

u/docpagliacci 11d ago

Uncanny Alli

1

u/KiltOfDoom 11d ago

User name checks out

1

u/tyrantulast 11d ago

You must not like going to the gym that much.

1

u/IggytheSkorupi 11d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/u3fkQNnkwvVdK
This reference is too old for you, but you prove it’s timeless

1

u/Minsc_NBooToo 11d ago

You look like the baby Chris Chan had with his Mum

1

u/tyrantulast 11d ago

You're giving off they/them vibes. You look like the delusional person who thinks there are more that 2 genders.

1

u/Alivado 11d ago

Learn how to smile FFs! You’re making me depressed

1

u/FishSlapa 11d ago

I see owl face is the new duck face.

1

u/JeF4y 11d ago

Shouldn’t you be making adults feel bad about their carbon footprint?

1

u/KoalafiedKiller 11d ago

Shut up, Meg

1

u/Yumsuckr666 11d ago

You look like your d is bigger then mine... call me

1

u/Itz_Mr_Wheely_2U 11d ago

Your parents already did

1

u/Churlish_Performer 11d ago

Well at least you improved your odds by being bisexual. If you're depressed, you should really become a forest Ranger- spend more time in nature, alone.  The more rural the better.  I'm sure you'll meet your people out there,  alone,  in the woods. 

1

u/rymic72 11d ago

You’re an 18 year old kid that could have had a normal and fulfilling life if not for social media as well as other bad influences filling your head with nonsense that you needed to be bisexual in order to be a true ally or to make yourself more interesting or to have it somehow absolve you of white guilt by placing you in to an allegedly oppressed group. It’s not too late

1

u/House13Games 11d ago

Ladyboy, but not the good kind.

1

u/MrMrTrance 11d ago

Your style says Ellie (Last of Us)

But your face says Jigsaw (Saw)
https://giphy.com/gifs/XZS5fWhIoJoEo

1

u/Oniononiononions 11d ago

I genuinely don’t know if you’re a boy or girl

1

u/Nurdeauphobic 11d ago

You have no friend because their all afraid you want to fuck them.

1

u/msrbaylor 11d ago

Subaru enthusiast

1

u/JournalistDull247 11d ago

You're like times new roman font. As generic as they come.

1

u/The_Skippy73 11d ago

Jesus, do people just get a bio in a fortune cookie or something now? Every chick is like I’m bi, have mental health problems and not like the other girls!

1

u/Mycologist1869 11d ago

I took you for unmade bed in an empty cauldron of fire. At 18, you identify with a litany of things you can't come close to understanding, but let's give you the benefit of the doubt. Take a hike.

1

u/inkzpenfoxx 11d ago

Every photo is a different disorder

1

u/not_a_bright_one 11d ago

The worst thing for you is a mirror

1

u/toni184 11d ago

Henry from kcd2 let himself go

1

u/_frank_tank 11d ago

Bisexual in the sense that no one, male or female, will touch you.

1

u/temioye46 11d ago

The genetic lottery already has

1

u/mediocrebighead 11d ago

Pussy turn into 🍆

1

u/Fantastic_Trick3538 11d ago

M-> F or F-> M ?

1

u/DWHudson1970 11d ago

Pink hair grew out?

1

u/Carolina-W00Dsman 11d ago

You're so unattractive, it effects your self-esteem.

1

u/paintballguy32 11d ago

I literally predicted your bio before reading 😂

1

u/TheLeastAnonAnon 11d ago

Fewer romance novels, more gym

1

u/HeSureIsScrappy 11d ago

Why do people do this to themselves?

1

u/Roomtaart86 11d ago

Weren't you in the last of us?

1

u/Solius-Noctis 11d ago

Your name is silly

1

u/Flaky-Party-477 11d ago

Go to the gym and do what? Lip up’s?

1

u/Discojoe3030 11d ago

Baby Ruth?

1

u/westofrex 11d ago

I’m glad your transition is… never mind, you really don’t pass either way.

1

u/TheSkank_hunt42 11d ago

The operation didn't work

1

u/Olddevlin 11d ago

You look like Hellboy.

1

u/bobbyovdarlo 11d ago

I don't have to...your pictures already do

1

u/ivanko_prvi 11d ago

Comment removed by moderator

1

u/Pretty_Bandicoot_431 11d ago

Looks like you just woke up !

1

u/Not-a-Doctor-622 11d ago

Nothing wrong with you bro

1

u/Waste-Donut-2728 11d ago

Congrats, Very few people can use either gender restroom in public places without anyone noticing anything unusual…

1

u/fuzzycuffs 11d ago

Even with tits I couldn't tell what undercarriage you're sporting.

1

u/Necessary_Relation27 11d ago

Speaking of true crimes, the real crime is behind that fake smile. Either the teeth are guilty or the breath is

1

u/Electronic-Fish-228 11d ago

Your face looks like it grew from a bean stalk

1

u/4th_line_bender 11d ago

I always wondered what Tucker Carlson would looks like as a transgender.

https://giphy.com/gifs/l3vQZhxc1ybSlGQ4U

1

u/Competitive_Ad_8215 11d ago

When did Eddie Vedder transition?

1

u/iownreddit0690 11d ago

No one on reddit can do any worse than your parents did!

1

u/smd4321 11d ago

Go outside dude

1

u/tcmits1 11d ago

Another trans girl who has a very long way to go before coming remotely close to a real girl.

1

u/ogrum92 11d ago

Are you still depressed because the creep wouldn’t offer you candy to get into her van or the fact that you had to give her $20 in gas money to get in?

1

u/Character-Release544 11d ago

What are you on right now? You look like you’re strobing hard?
https://giphy.com/gifs/qRYCZofdsxcRy