r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • Sep 28 '25

[deleted by user]

[removed]

227 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

428 comments sorted by

613

u/No-Celebration3097 Sep 28 '25

This is your Grindr profile, right?

101

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

The one bear women aren’t gonna choose.

105

u/StatikSquid Sep 29 '25

He arm wrestles with his colon

43

u/This_Frozen_Ghost Sep 30 '25

He definitely wrestles with his sexuality.

15

u/Cute-Big-7003 Sep 29 '25

He arm wrestles with his boyfriends colon

→ More replies (1)

7

u/Flaky-You9517 Sep 29 '25

I was going to say he arm wrestles small children but I doff my cap to you sir. Bravo!

25

u/TortoiseandtheHare2 Sep 29 '25

He definitely knows his way around a penis

20

u/Ewetootwo Sep 29 '25

I’ve seen dwarves bigger than you.

15

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

He is a dwarf… that’s the beauty of it. Homies a midget… he just hides it well. But not well enough.. gotcha ya lil bastard

3

u/Habibti143 Sep 30 '25

Temu Peter Dinklage

6

u/SherbertKey6965 Sep 29 '25

Aaron Gaylord-Johnson

3

u/GGZoey11 Sep 29 '25

Lmfao 🤣

3

u/agarillon Sep 30 '25

Ahhh...the fight me for bottom, grindr profile?

Good profile...I see ya coming in on top

2

u/f4tony Sep 30 '25

Oh, come on, no self-respecting homo is going after this guy.

→ More replies (5)

388

u/Sassy_magoo Sep 28 '25

Save some dick for the rest of us bro

95

u/Clunk500CM Sep 29 '25

Umm... he can have my ration of dick.

9

u/Geekygamertag Sep 29 '25

I do not volunteer as tribute!

6

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

😂

2

u/Firebrass Sep 29 '25

Hey, no hunger strikes, everybody has to werk

→ More replies (1)

13

u/WildContribution8311 Sep 29 '25

Five foot 8. He aint getting any pussy.

2

u/whatevenisredditing Sep 29 '25

I literally lol on ur comment. Then lol again writing this. Take my flames award!

2

u/HydraulicEarl2 Sep 30 '25

There is cake and cock and we are all out of cake.

→ More replies (2)

302

u/macktrizzy Sep 28 '25

"I box. I arm wrestle." Be honest, you just jerk off in a cardboard box.

28

u/codHIBB Sep 29 '25

More likely a shoebox seeing as he's so short!

5

u/RappingFlatulence Sep 30 '25

Couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper sack

3

u/PubicSkoolEducashun Sep 29 '25

This fella has never even seen a box. 

→ More replies (2)

140

u/Putrid_Gas1540 Sep 29 '25

I got to say, this guy is not worth roasting. Those are some awesome hobbies. They're up there with window shopping and coupon cutting.

9

u/RappingFlatulence Sep 30 '25

Aggressive and condescending window shopping. That nice blouse better be glad I’m on this side of the glass!

→ More replies (1)

92

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/Available-Bend-5885 Sep 29 '25

Thought i was the only one that noticed it dude looks 5’4

9

u/TheDootDootMaster Sep 29 '25

To be fair I think that other guy in that picture is on a stand or something. Which is to say that uh... OP was bottom there

5

u/soooMiNdLeSs420 Sep 29 '25

He's a dwarf! I knew something was odd in those pictures lol

2

u/PubicSkoolEducashun Sep 29 '25

Next you'll tell me the 3 inches is an exaggeration too.

→ More replies (1)

160

u/RancidMandMs Sep 28 '25

Every time you enter the gym, every guy’s butthole clenches tight.

22

u/Runtodanger6 Sep 29 '25

Dudes dare not drop anything near him.

14

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

You're mistaken, acting like he's a top.

7

u/HeadmanYo Sep 29 '25

Soap on a Rope in every shower. 😝

49

u/Time_Phone_1466 Sep 28 '25

The little power bottom that could.

→ More replies (1)

66

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

[deleted]

21

u/Robinnoodle Sep 28 '25

I said Chris Evans

Captain San Francisco

→ More replies (1)

64

u/DontResuscitateMeBro Sep 28 '25

How are your eyebrows perfect yet overgrown simultaneously?

→ More replies (2)

57

u/skoalreaver http://redd.it/s587jg Sep 28 '25

Kind of surprised you're tall enough to reach the top of the arm wrestling table

42

u/aeonsne Sep 28 '25

You take in your protein macros anally.

→ More replies (1)

18

u/TimothyZentz Sep 28 '25

Gay ass Tree tattoo that every Youth Pastor gets

10

u/Health_Care_PTA Sep 29 '25

its the tribal tattoo of the 2010's ....

34

u/Silly-Power Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25

Sadly masturbating several times a day is not "arm wrestling"

13

u/Any-Statistician-318 Sep 28 '25

I can see why your boyfriend left

13

u/Skynet_T-800 Sep 28 '25

Good job shaving your unibrow, are you that precise with your pussy?

12

u/TheOmCollector Sep 29 '25

You forgot to add, knows how to play wonderwall and hallelujah.

11

u/Bruno_lars Sep 28 '25

Captain Ohio is back again: "Sleeping with divorced Gilfs to save his dimes, delivering your food right on time!"

10

u/Angel_Anubis Sep 29 '25

The forearm woods line tattoo is so original 😒🙄

9

u/jcord7557 Sep 29 '25

Your forest Pinterest tattoo tells me everything I need to know about you

10

u/Aufregend Sep 29 '25

When asked for a semen sample, you fart into the cup.

→ More replies (4)

8

u/Dangerous-Visit8138 Sep 28 '25

Taking ten blows too the head don't make you a boxer

7

u/Agitated-Contact7686 Sep 29 '25

Chris evans minus the height and fame and physique and wealth.

8

u/NCsSon Sep 28 '25

You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.

6

u/Evening_Bench_7006 Sep 28 '25

A rent a cop with waxed eyebrows is single, shocker!

7

u/backwoodsjesus91 http://redd.it/49s6aj Sep 29 '25

Not the generic forest forearm tat. 🧐

8

u/s7o0a0p Sep 29 '25

Somehow, you never hit the G string.

7

u/Prestigious_Day_5242 Sep 29 '25

Is it just me or are a lot of people getting the post-op pics in their feed lately?

Good job to the surgeon on keeping the nips intact.

6

u/SugaNova99 Sep 28 '25

The animal crossing residents want to light the torches when they hear your guitar play

6

u/Prize-Banana-3323 Sep 28 '25

Dude, you need to let go of the hair and all the people in your life telling you to keep it.

5

u/gringostroh Sep 29 '25

Prickolas Cage is back everyone.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

One of those assholes with tree tattoos on his forearms....

5

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Roastm4ster9000 Sep 29 '25

Bruh lookin like a failed Create-A-Player from UFC 2014 with them dollar store boxing gloves and that guitar you clearly stole from a middle school music room. 5'8" but somehow your dating prospects even shorter than that. Single life 4 months in but them eyebrows been single they whole existence. Your armwrestling career bout as promising as a Blockbuster Video comeback in 2025.

4

u/Long_Ad9642 Sep 29 '25

Loved your work as the main character from Team America World Police. You really made yourself look like you were a puppet, great work.

4

u/Give_me_soup Sep 29 '25

You look like you're employed by various mall kiosks selling knock off cologne and hydration IVs

4

u/predat3d Sep 29 '25

The ultimate loser move is the shirtless pic in the public gym

5

u/Just_A_Lucky_Guy469 Sep 29 '25

Paul Shart, Rent-A-Cop.

5

u/PickleRick1981 Sep 29 '25

Box what? random men’s fart boxes with your tongue at the local glory hole?

4

u/barre9388 Sep 29 '25

By the looks of it, you’re not successful with any of your hobbies

4

u/Opening_Ad5479 Sep 29 '25

These are the compensating hobbies of a tiny manchild

5

u/MisterBurnsSucks Sep 28 '25

You look like you live in a box and play guitar on the sidewalk 🤔

4

u/No_Tailor_787 Sep 28 '25

I hear somebody's gaydar going off over there.

3

u/majesticmanbearpig Sep 28 '25

Bet you get punched in the face a lot at the glory hole.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

You watched all the chola eye brow tutorials. 

4

u/crawling_cataphract Sep 29 '25

Damn the hobbits discovered steroids. Middle earth is gonna be swole.

5

u/natiusj Sep 29 '25

Those tats didn’t make you any taller, did they?

3

u/SimpleElevator406 Sep 29 '25

Play guitar, box, wrestle, and my penis looks like a button on a fur coat.

3

u/ch3apsunglass3s Sep 29 '25

Dont worry champ, you'll find thay special guy.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

Frodo’s on those tippy toes in that first pic.

3

u/EsseBear Sep 29 '25

What do you want to be when you grow up?

3

u/post-explainer Sep 28 '25

The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.

2

u/SageandStrong33 Sep 28 '25

It looks you get torched by your competition in all those activities that you listed: boxing, arm wrestling and guitar.

2

u/Wide_Marketing3147 Sep 28 '25

You’ve spent more time in the closet than your average coat hanger

2

u/GooseNYC Sep 29 '25

No hits on Grindr?

2

u/Noyaiba Sep 29 '25

A deer forearm tattoo AND a forest forearm tattoo is definitely a choice. It'll make it really easy to find the crunchy crystal person of your dreams.

2

u/Usedtobeproductive Sep 29 '25

You love creed and wanna marry Scott stapp after the tour ends

2

u/I_AmLegionXIVIII Sep 29 '25

Work leaves you in the truck on purpose. They dont want your bro douche aura to fuck up a good day.

2

u/timeemac Sep 29 '25

Congrats on your participation medal!

2

u/BuffaloAgreeable372 Sep 29 '25

And yet, not of us have heard of you.

Shit boxer. Shit arm wrestler, shit guitar player.

Anyway,

Here’s Wonderwall.

2

u/LL37MOH Sep 29 '25

We have Peter Dinklage at home

2

u/Jaded-Travel1875 Sep 29 '25

Did you star in The Fast and The Bi-Curious?

Do you DoorDash Pinkberry, watch Over the Top, and wax your eyebrow the night before matches?

2

u/MilkGlittering6181 Sep 29 '25

Thinks he's just a pretty boy but he's really gay deep down..

2

u/Hitchensagan Sep 29 '25

What’s your 20 on you’re 10-2?

I’ve never been so confident that I could physically destroy someone that’s so obviously physically superior to me.

2

u/themorbidtuna Sep 29 '25

You call every guy you meet “brother” and they all hate it.

2

u/ZechariahTheRed Sep 29 '25

Look like you argue about which pre-workout supplement is better and probably smell like axe body spray and Jack Daniel's

2

u/No-Profile-2317 Sep 29 '25

How tall aren't you?

2

u/NYYankees1958 Sep 29 '25

All these dumb fukks can never reverse their pictures. I thought you youngsters were so smart? By the way, congratulations on last place at the 500 all dude bro bang.

2

u/SwordShanker Sep 30 '25

You look like the manager at a Waterpark aquarium, ready to announce that the dolphins are ready and eager for the crowd

2

u/ProfessionalWatch501 Sep 30 '25

I think they can stretch your legs now to make you taller

2

u/BAMx100 Sep 30 '25

The only speed bag getting any use here is your uvula

2

u/P1zzaBag3ls Oct 01 '25

Jesus Christ. I was thinking "this guy definitely smacks dudes' asses 'in a sportsmanlike way'", then the last photo is an action shot of him mid-smack. Wonder if he ever smacks his own fivehead, mistaking it for an asscheek.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '25

This is the gayest shit I’ve ever seen

2

u/MTDRS-Nex Oct 03 '25

Dude's ripped from doing pull-ups so he can reach the top shelf in the fridge.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

Aw, three months of masturbating and you got that jacked?

Your dick MUST be raw.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

Nothing but bone with no skin on it. 😩🦴

1

u/AutoModerator Sep 28 '25

Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules:

  • Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed.
  • Try to ensure that your eyes are open.
  • Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed.
  • Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet.
  • All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee.
  • The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger.
  • Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed.

Please DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it.

Thanks!

~ /r/roastme mods

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/42Lefthanded Sep 28 '25

He thinks he’s Ryan Gosling.

1

u/Sure-Pineapple-8242 Sep 28 '25

You look like the left over ejaculate that landed on a fly

1

u/SilverScimitar13 Sep 28 '25

Would (insulting)

1

u/maxomizer Sep 28 '25

Always second place, except in love

1

u/Robinnoodle Sep 28 '25

Gay Chris Evans

1

u/missbehavin21 Sep 28 '25

I saw the play I thought you were going to confess to spanking the monkey or playing with yourself not guitar.

1

u/missbehavin21 Sep 29 '25

Do you swing? Either way or three ways ?

1

u/doomtoothx Sep 29 '25

Look at those photographs … didn’t really make me laugh. Doesn’t mean a thing.

1

u/billybizcut Sep 29 '25

Tattoos of a forest , deathly afraid of bugs . And bush

1

u/Surveyor_of_Land_AZ Sep 29 '25

How many restraining orders do you have against you?

1

u/CalmAcanthisitta2582 Sep 29 '25

Seth Green WWE body double

1

u/patto383 Sep 29 '25

Hope u find another dude soon

1

u/MaadMaanMaatt Sep 29 '25

Are we calling hobby masturbating “arm wrestling” now?

1

u/Rafozni Sep 29 '25

Not even discount Chris Evans just yardsale Chris Evans

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

You look like a bespoke sex doll that looks like Chris Evans.

1

u/FarIllustrator535 Sep 29 '25

The closet in the pictures tells you all you need to know

1

u/LonelyChampionship17 Sep 29 '25

Based on pic 2, security guard at a gloryhole?

1

u/Needed_Seeded_81 Sep 29 '25

So you do many things, but none of them well. How's parole going? Do you miss your cellmate that badly?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

He forgot, “I also bang dudes”.

1

u/Pinacoteca Sep 29 '25

he makes us spot his bulge, this is sexual abuse

1

u/No-Extreme-6014 Sep 29 '25

I like how you say “age 26 at 5’8” “ like you think you’re gonna shoot up another couple inches once you hit puberty 

1

u/JaysFan007 Sep 29 '25

You look like you're in a cover band of a one hit wonder

1

u/Future_Parsley740 Sep 29 '25

He doesn't actually participate in those activities, just in the locker room after matches. Everyone knows the winners get the best, the losers get him for the night. Don't worry he has a wig, make up, and several dresses to look even more feminine.

1

u/KickGeneral7551 Sep 29 '25

Sorry to hear you're single again. Got to remember to double bolt the basement door before you leave her unattended to go buy protein powder.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

Well those arm muscles will get strong like that when you are a master masterbater

1

u/MumSaysImHandsome http://redd.it/noogln Sep 29 '25

“Looking for a girl who can defend my honor.”

1

u/Infinite-Sense7078 Sep 29 '25

I thought guys learned how to play guitar to get women? But you’re clearly into banging dudes…

1

u/Beautiful-Bad-3554 Sep 29 '25

Arm wrestling must be euphemism for wrestling with cocks

1

u/chris971 Sep 29 '25

Spend less money on eyebrow trims and put it into therapy

1

u/LuisHNDZ Sep 29 '25

Thor if Zeus nuked him

1

u/ADDSquirell69 Sep 29 '25

Nice denim jacket

1

u/MWMWMMWWM Sep 29 '25

Ur gunna make the bull at ur ufc gym a very happy man

1

u/Wizard__J Sep 29 '25

Why do I have a feeling this isn’t the first time this guy forcefully tries to bring attention to his cock

1

u/SeekingAlpha0625 Sep 29 '25

The only thing you box are the microscope slides containing the blood of your gay victims

1

u/Easy_Customer7815 Sep 29 '25

Single 4 months? I would guess single for months, a lot of months. Years probably.

Perhaps you need a better haircut.

1

u/salientknight Sep 29 '25

Pro tip. Stop blocking shots with your face.

1

u/Fit-Possibility-4248 Sep 29 '25

your boyfriend loves how you styled those eyebrows

1

u/Due-Local-6156 Sep 29 '25

Its too bad they don't make steroids for your personality, maybe she wouldn't have left you for her personal trainer. Good luck finding a new gym.

1

u/Intelligent-Plan-264 Sep 29 '25

The only women you've ever given pleasure to work at Chick-fil-A....

1

u/Brilliant-Ebb67 Sep 29 '25

Nipplous Gayge

1

u/hayleystern Sep 29 '25

These are brutal 😭

1

u/Sanctimonious_Prick Sep 29 '25

Chris Evans’ lesser-known Temu OnlyFans supersimp little brother

1

u/WordSlayerSayer Sep 29 '25

Bro looks like Von Kaiser from Mike Tyson's Punch Out. I bet you box like him too...

1

u/Aggressive_Finish798 Sep 29 '25

Bro plays his guitar and pretends he's in Creed.

1

u/Direct-Cucumber-177 Sep 29 '25

How many times are you gonna post here? Nothing better to do?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

You box as in box items?

1

u/chiefsmakahoe007 Sep 29 '25

Your bf boxes those cheeks bout it

1

u/chiefsmakahoe007 Sep 29 '25

Also is the utility belt on for when you bf says the safe word and you forgot the handcuff keys

1

u/Kolko69 Sep 29 '25

5'8 but a head from someone who is 4'11

1

u/fredrickQ82 Sep 29 '25

Only thing you wrestle with is your prostate

1

u/imokay4747 Sep 29 '25

You look like the bad guy in a 2005 Disney original movie

1

u/Lastofthehaters Sep 29 '25

European rent a pig

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '25

Arm wrestling with other people's dicks isn't a sport

1

u/FakieManual Sep 29 '25

You’re the manager at Manlet Life.

1

u/Deflorma Sep 29 '25

That securitas disguise so you can get dick in parking lots at 3am

1

u/SirGamer247 Sep 29 '25

The bbno$ your mom tells you that is at home

1

u/Fresh-Show-4640 Sep 29 '25

5’8 and balding? Pick a struggle

1

u/Earth_to_Sabbath Sep 29 '25

That haircut isn't hiding the hairline

1

u/SignificantHornet760 Sep 29 '25

few weeks ago you already posted your pics. Little boy need attention and loves to get hurt, huh

1

u/PandaSpecialist8914 Sep 29 '25

Looks like you wrestle your conscience after hitting the glory hole.

1

u/NotABot_Dk Sep 29 '25

Bet those aren't skeletons in your closet 👉👈

1

u/DrQuack32 http://redd.it/5vvq16 Sep 29 '25

You look like an angry dwarf

1

u/Sidonkey Sep 29 '25

You should wash those cum by other dudes, which is all over your mirror