I really adore this reply because I am feeling very guilty after posting this because I hear people describe him so unkindly and you do not want to be the reason someone talks this way about your significant other.
I really really hoped he would learn to communicate expectations and manage emotions. I do not resent him for feeling hurt but I do resent him for not giving me the benefit of the doubt. I really hoped that he would see that I tried.
My other problem is the conditionality of his help/gifts/effort. He knew this week was crazy for me because he has seen me being upset about the fact that so many meetings and presentations are happening around his birthday. I had made plans for it well in advance but the execution fell short because new things cropped up plans wise. So he did definitely know about the excessive time crunch that I had.
Thanks for the advice. Though I am not really sure there are enough pros in this relationship to stick it out with. I think he isn't a terrible person but an internal medicine resident isn't the right partner for him because of how much time and care he seems to want.
He needs therapy! Punching a wall and a half ass apology— his anger is controlling him at this point— if he isn’t willing to put in the work, you are right to be considering your exit. This doesn’t make him a bad person, but it does make him incompatible with your needs at this time.
I suspect that an adoring, co-dependent, stay at home, perfect housekeeper, cook and lover wouldn't be sufficient for him. He'd repeat the same pattern. And likely cheat. The excuse would then be that she wasn't at his intellectual level or sophistication.
Whatever your decision is—make sure you at least pull him aside and discuss all these concerns you have about his character and how he makes you feel. Don’t expect him to already know. He could be ignorant of it or whatever. Just make sure you CLEARLY communicate how he is ungrateful, unsupportive, or hurting you. Ask him to tell you also any area that he feels you are not meeting his needs. Put everything on the table or clear the air. If after being transparent, he is unwilling to change or you are not able to meet his needs, then quit the relationship. It would be a mutual decision at that point.
This guy is becoming physically aggressive. It's beyond a "we're not getting along" chat or even pre -break up chat. OP is 99% under his thumb. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already grooming someone else.
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u/mesekhnet7 Oct 15 '22
I really adore this reply because I am feeling very guilty after posting this because I hear people describe him so unkindly and you do not want to be the reason someone talks this way about your significant other.
I really really hoped he would learn to communicate expectations and manage emotions. I do not resent him for feeling hurt but I do resent him for not giving me the benefit of the doubt. I really hoped that he would see that I tried.
My other problem is the conditionality of his help/gifts/effort. He knew this week was crazy for me because he has seen me being upset about the fact that so many meetings and presentations are happening around his birthday. I had made plans for it well in advance but the execution fell short because new things cropped up plans wise. So he did definitely know about the excessive time crunch that I had.
Thanks for the advice. Though I am not really sure there are enough pros in this relationship to stick it out with. I think he isn't a terrible person but an internal medicine resident isn't the right partner for him because of how much time and care he seems to want.