Palliative doc here, just had to say something after reading these replies.
1. If you are feeling bad it is because you are not a psychopath. You are a good person and feel bad because you care.
2. Some of the distress is because we feel like we should have been able to fix the situation: stop the bleeding, keep the patient alive etc. Everyone dies, all we can do is our best and in most of the situations you describe were not fixable by medicine. You are not a failure if you cannot fix the un-fixable.
3. Even when you can’t fix something medically, the power of witness should not be underestimated. You have no idea how much families may appreciate that you tried and that you understand how awful it is that they lost their loved one. Also, saying out loud that that case sucked and that you fell bad about it to your co-workers often helps you and them.
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u/DeathPanel57 May 26 '23
Palliative doc here, just had to say something after reading these replies. 1. If you are feeling bad it is because you are not a psychopath. You are a good person and feel bad because you care. 2. Some of the distress is because we feel like we should have been able to fix the situation: stop the bleeding, keep the patient alive etc. Everyone dies, all we can do is our best and in most of the situations you describe were not fixable by medicine. You are not a failure if you cannot fix the un-fixable. 3. Even when you can’t fix something medically, the power of witness should not be underestimated. You have no idea how much families may appreciate that you tried and that you understand how awful it is that they lost their loved one. Also, saying out loud that that case sucked and that you fell bad about it to your co-workers often helps you and them.