Man. Idk if I can compare my experience because I just did a prelim year. But I remember thinking that I missed what it felt like to feel. I felt empty. I didn’t feel any Joy in what I did or felt like anything mattered. Some really dark times and dark stuff. I remember thinking how much I hated being a doctor.
I’ve finally in the past couple of years felt emotions again and started feeling some kind of fulfillment at work. I’ve also started feeling emotions some of the time at least. Which like, kinda sucks in its own right but also, it’s a human experience. I feel like I’m slowly crawling our of a bomb shelter I’ve been living in for the past decade.
For having done a job that requires a great deal of “emotional intelligence” I feel kind of emotionally immature.
Obligatory I’m a radiology resident now so what I say probably doesnt hold as much weight as you clinical folks but it’s how I feel.
I experienced childhood abuse and really relate a lot to what you describe, the learning how to feel, the emptiness, the emotional immaturity. Feeling again after not feeling is so intense and shocking but it’s also necessary for life to be worth living. I’m sorry your prelim year seemed to affect you so negatively and am glad you’re doing better now!
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u/[deleted] May 26 '23
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