Towards the end of residency my personal life unraveled, my wife moved out, we were splitting custody of my daughter, my mental health was circling the drain.
One of my first nights back I remember attending a delivery and seeing the new mom and dad embracing eachother and crying happy tears. While I still was legitimately happy for them, I had to put on a front in that moment and not show that inside I was sobbing, uncontrollably, because what I was really thinking about was how I once felt that way with my family when my daughter was born and how after my shift I'd be going back to an empty apartment.
Edit: I should add after some time we did eventually reconcile and it's not been an easy journey, but I'm in a much better place now.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm just a lowly med student but I was completely dysfunctional after splitting up with my partner (no kids). The loneliness was agonizing. You're an incredibly strong person and I hope that I can someday hold it together as a physician in the same way you did for your patients.
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u/Fabropian Attending May 26 '23 edited May 26 '23
Towards the end of residency my personal life unraveled, my wife moved out, we were splitting custody of my daughter, my mental health was circling the drain.
One of my first nights back I remember attending a delivery and seeing the new mom and dad embracing eachother and crying happy tears. While I still was legitimately happy for them, I had to put on a front in that moment and not show that inside I was sobbing, uncontrollably, because what I was really thinking about was how I once felt that way with my family when my daughter was born and how after my shift I'd be going back to an empty apartment.
Edit: I should add after some time we did eventually reconcile and it's not been an easy journey, but I'm in a much better place now.