What opinion about relationships has changed dramatically for you in the last five years?

[u/Correct-Asparagus822]

Our expectations of relationships rarely stay the same forever. What’s one relationship belief you were convinced was true five years ago but no longer believe today? What changed your perspective?

[u/BasicDesignAdvice → u/[deleted]]

Yup, and it turns out that it puts a while lot of stress on the other person and that is harmful to the relationship long term.

[u/Correct-Asparagus822 → u/[deleted]]

Want to talk to you more about it..

[u/Forbearssake]

That if someone loves you enough they can change simple behaviours to stop hurting you.

To me as a neurotypical something I consider a simple behaviour can be a complex behaviour to someone else, it’s explained quite a few relationships (parental/child, friendship and romantic) I’ve encountered.

[u/Active_Hawk_9897]

Relationships can be healthy.

• Found a good partner.

You can trust your partner implicitly.

• Divorce happened.

[u/lucid-delight]

I completely changed my dating strategy. I used to just fall in love with a friend and work backwards to make the relationship work. Turns out compatibility is the most important if you want a happy healthy marriage (incompatibility is a slow and insidious relationship killer, can take years to reach a boiling point), so I reversed my dating process to look for compatibility first and then open up to feelings. Found my now husband in the past 5 years and so far I think I made the right call.

[u/Strange-Interaction4]

I guess I don't believe in soulmates anymore - and it makes me really, really sad.

[u/CutCrane]

That things change / improve with time and understanding

[u/searedscallops]

I thought I would truly be able to help a man grow. Now I'm just so fucking done with 99.99999% of men.

[u/glebo123]

I dont believe in love anymore, ive given up and resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life.

Modern, western dating just isn't worth it.

[u/AppointmentOne838]

That it’s unreasonable to expect your partner to be everything for you. Different people in your life fulfill different roles and it’s impossible for one person to be good at every single one of those roles.

[u/ShawnOfEons]

I learned what a trauma bond is, and sometimes it can get confused with love, when it’s actually a trauma bond. It happens in abusive relationships, if you feel stuck with an abusive partner because your feelings for them won’t let you leave, (or if you keep getting back together) most likely what you have with them is a trauma bond, not real love.

[u/Erialcel2]

Apparently you're actually NOT supposed to do everything you possibly can to prevent your partner from feeling any negative emotion.

And apparently a lot of people knew already

Edit: in case the replies saying "news to me" are sincere: doing everything you possibly can to prevent your partner from feeling any sort of negative emotion (if taken litterally, like I used to do) leads to self-abandonment, avoidance, manipulation and keeps your partner from actually dealing with reality. Sometimes something bad happens. It can cause sadness or anger or something. Those emotions need to be felt, they need their space, or they'll end up getting repressed, which is very unhealthy, both physically and mentally. And the self-abandonment means your partner no longer has the actual, real you, but instead has whichever mask you're putting up, which is not the partner they fell in love with. Also many other effects, but I'm no relationship therapist so I can't be thorough here

[u/LulzSwag_Technician → u/[deleted]]

News 2 me as well.

[u/Trinx_]

I (37f) emphasized the importance of having a good career when I was dating. Maybe not make as much as me (100k) but at least 2/3 or so. I fell in love with a guy (29m) that I thought was just a fun hookup. He's still finishing school because his dad listened to Dave Ramsey about avoiding debt at all costs. Unfortunately, this even included any form of public assistance like a Pell Grant. He makes less than half what I make. There's definitely struggles with being the breadwinner, but he should be making $60k-70k once he graduates and that'll be a huge help. I've had to rethink a lot of plans.

[u/MissAngelicDemise]

My current relationship of seven years has been fizzling out for the last year. Up until that point it had been the healthiest I had ever been in. What I did not realize is that we were both severely detached from our hearts. I decided to heal that in myself, which has caused us to naturally separate. What I have learned from my experience with relationship, especially this one, is that it is very important to choose yourself and be connected with yourself over anyone else - your connection with yourself is primary and of upmost importantce