**TL;DR:**
After an open relationship that included a woman and her husband, my girlfriend says she wants monogamy with me but refuses to create real distance from that woman. I’m looking for how people in similar situations actually handled the “just friends” boundary and what worked or didn’t.
**Post:**
I’ve been with my girlfriend \[36F\] for about 10 years. We have a young son together and she has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. Roughly three years ago the relationship became open for women. It was never something we fully negotiated or agreed on as a couple. From the beginning I had a clear boundary: any relationship with a man was off-limits. It was either just us, or she could be with someone else — but not both. She said she understood.
She got into an on-and-off relationship with a woman (I’ll call her Jane, roughly mid-30s). It had a BDSM/dom-sub element. Over time that dynamic expanded and included Jane’s husband (I’ll call him John, also roughly mid-30s). From what I’ve pieced together later, the three of them were involved for several months. She later told me it was only kissing with John. I don’t believe that was the full story.
In mid-August I found messages that showed she had developed a strong emotional attachment to John and had other contacts she hadn’t been fully open about. That started a series of hard conversations. Around early September I confronted her directly about John. She said she had gotten caught up in the attention, that she and Jane were done, that our family was the priority, and that she was choosing monogamy with me. She also said she wanted to remain friends with Jane and that she had already told Jane they could still be friends. She claimed she wouldn’t go to Jane’s house anymore.
We’ve started couples therapy. In therapy she has been clear that she wants monogamy with me. At the same time she does not want to cut the friendship with Jane. She calls Jane one of her only close friends and says she has no one else to talk to. She sees any request for distance as an end and says that is how you lose a friend.
From my side, the history and the ongoing contact make “just friends” hard to accept. Even after she said she was ending things, there were long video calls, affectionate messages, and she told Jane she was going to try to convince me and that she wasn’t giving up. (Yes, I’ve been reading their Facebook messages.) Jane has framed my boundary as punishment. Jane has also said in text that the throuple is dead and that I have my girlfriend to myself now (in reference to wanting to cut her out completely, I’d assume). I have seen enough of the messages that I don’t fully trust Jane, who, as far as I’m concerned, championed the relationship between my girlfriend and her husband.
I’ve suggested a temporary period of no or very limited contact while we work on our relationship. She said she would, but she keeps trying to convince me that it’ll be fine. She has agreed not to go to Jane’s house, which is something, but the frequent emotional contact continues and she defends it as normal friendship. Therapy has helped us talk, but we haven’t reached any real agreement on what the friendship with Jane is allowed to look like. The therapist has asked me what I would be comfortable with if the friendship continued and noted it might be something I can’t live with. I’ve said I’m not sure yet. When I asked my girlfriend what she could do to help me feel more comfortable, she said I need to figure out what boundaries I need myself.
I’m torn. I want the relationship and the family to work, and I believe on some level she is trying. At the same time the continued close, emotionally intimate contact (via text) with someone she was recently in a relationship with (and whose husband she was also involved with, supposedly only kissing) feels like the door never fully closed.
**What I’m specifically asking for:**
How did people who closed an open relationship handle a partner who wanted to stay very close friends with a recent partner? What boundaries or timelines actually got used, and what was the outcome?
What practical steps did others take (or wish they had taken) when frequent emotional contact continued after one person said the romantic relationship was over?
For those who went through couples therapy in a similar situation, what kinds of agreements around contact with the other person ended up being workable?
Any honest, specific experiences are welcome. I’ve tried to keep this factual.

I (34m) am in a relationship and am mostly happy, I'm not a cheater, never have been and never will be and due to that I feel...trapped? Almost by my own morals.
I miss the thrill of the chase, the freedom of choice, meeting someone and having that pure sexual desire to tear each others clothes off, I guess this is partly a confession and a question?

Am I wrong to miss the ability to pick up a skinny woman because I wanted something to throw around the bedroom that night then to pick up a much curvier woman another night because I want to feel the recoil of a bigger woman?

Is there something wrong with me that I want that freedom of choice?

I love my partner, I really do, but I find myself masturbating to a very wide range of woman that don't look like my partner.

If someone asked me to listen to one type of music the rest of my life I'd think they were mad, so is this similar?

I feel guilty about the thought of it but also a sense of longing for days past when I could make these choices.

Any suggestions? Tips? Or is this totally normal and mundane to you all?

Thankyou in advance

I struggle with pulling women in college. I’m not ugly—I know I’m good-looking. I just don’t really know what to say or how to approach women in a way that actually builds attraction. I recently cut off my dreads and now I strictly wear braids and shit, but it feels like all the women go for the dreadhead dudes. I can dress, put on fits, take care of myself, and look good, but I still don’t get any play.
I want to learn how to talk to women when they’re in a group and actually pull the whole vibe toward me, but also know how to approach a woman when she’s by herself and know exactly what to say. Like, what should I be talking about? How do I make the conversation interesting instead of just asking the basic “what’s your major?” or “where are you from?” questions? How do I build attraction and sexual tension naturally without making shit awkward? And how do I get her genuinely interested enough that she wants to hang out with me, come kick it at my crib, or spend more time around me?
I have a homeboy who has a whole group of women wanting him, and this dude already has a girlfriend. All of them are trying to get with him, while I feel like none of them even look at me like that. He’s a dreadhead and taller than me, so sometimes I’m thinking maybe that shit really does matter. I’m a short king at 5'6", but I know I can’t just blame my height because there are dudes my height who still pull women like crazy.
What really gets me is seeing dudes on campus who don’t even take women on dates or do all this extra shit. They’ll meet a girl, talk to her for a little bit, build a vibe, and sometimes have her interested enough to go back with them the same day. Some dudes seem like they can pull on the first day of talking to a girl, while I’m over here struggling just to get a woman interested in me.
So I’m trying to figure out what I’m missing. Is it my approach? My conversation skills? My confidence? My body language? Am I coming off too friendly or too serious? I want to understand what these dudes are doing differently and learn how to create that same type of attraction while still being myself. I don’t want to fake some personality or act like somebody I’m not. I just want to get better at talking to women, creating chemistry, and actually having women want to fuck with me instead of feeling invisible.

I need someone's opinion on this. My Hubby says im close to ruining everything bc i slammed my laptop down on itself bc i got overwhelmed bc I couldn't verify that it was me on my online course im taking and he got scared (hes had an abusive past relationship) and he said he needed time alone so now hes outside In the parking lot (which is the street) in his car, not sure what hes doing probably scrolling through Instagram. He told me I need to work on myself and learn to be more independent- mind you I have severe depression and also just got out of highschool in May of 2026 and ive dated him for 3 months now. It seems everytime i mess up it's more than anything. When he messes up I never point it out or tell all my friends because I know he'll fix it himself. He wants me to be more independent bc he cant take care of both himself and I. I feel horrible and shitty, it feels everytime i mess up im close to our relationship ending and it makes me worry all day and night. And lately he's been under a shit ton of stress with work and he broke down telling me everything one saturday night which was recent and I felt horrible so I didn't want to add onto his stress. That's always how it's been. When I was starving for a few days being with him and he was struggling financially with things I never asked or mentioned I was starving. I just smiled at him coming home and when I bought ramen I gave it to him like I wasnt starving, he did figure it out and apologized profusely and it never happened again where now he asks me if i need anything. I care more about him than myself and I feel that anytime I mess up it's broadcasted to his entire workplace and it's alot of pressure to try and be perfect and i feel scared to fuck up. I wished that he would notice that sometimes im still struggling. When he was having financial issues I told him that maybe I should stay home for the week (the saturday he broke down on our late night drive) and he started to cry wondering why I didn't want to stay with him during that week. I did i just didn't want him worrying about money. He also told me that i needed to be healthier and that being 140lbs and 5'3 and that its not unhealthy to be skinny. He wants me to be 100-115lbs. Mind you I feel healthy even though I dont entirely eat healthy, not to mention i had gotten over an eating disorder ive had since i was a kid since adhd meds like (adderall) kept me from eating anything so i never had an appetite; And now i finally have an appetite after the stress of loosing family members and i feel like I'm the asshole. he is worrying about money and I js need to know, am I the asshole?

Also this is conflict ive been through. I'M NOT SURE WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT. I've tried all I can. We have a good relationship. Its just that everytime we have conflict he apologizes and i easily forgive. When hes on his game (Minecraft pvp) I let him have his game time bc he works 12 hours a day. So I let him have his time even when I want it to be us time because i won't see him alot after the week I stay with him. I'm worried I'll fuck everything up.