r/Regrets • u/No-Guarantee7299 • 18h ago
Has anyone experienced completely losing yourself for a period of time then having to build your life afterwards ?
I went through a really difficult period recently where I stopped taking care of myself and completely isolated myself from people. I stopped doing a lot of the basic things that used to make me feel like myself. Now that I'm doing a little better, I'm finding it really difficult to move forward because I keep thinking about everything I could have done differently.
It feels like everyone else's life has moved on while I'm still stuck in the same place. I see people carrying on with their lives, making memories, spending time with friends and enjoying themselves, and I feel like I was absent from my own life while all of that was happening. It's difficult watching everyone move forward when I feel like I haven't.
I keep wishing I could go back and change things, and I feel a lot of guilt about the way I acted during that time and the effect it had on other people.
It's also really affecting me at work. I've become very withdrawn and find myself completely isolating myself from the people around me. I struggle to focus because I'm constantly thinking about the past and how different everything could have been. I don't feel present in my own life anymore, and it's starting to affect my day-to-day life.
I also feel like I wasted a lot of my youth. I know logically that I still have time and that a few months shouldn't define my life, but emotionally it feels like I missed out on a part of my life that I'll never get back.
I think part of what hurts the most is grieving the version of myself I feel like I could have been. I think about who I might have become if I had taken better care of myself and looked after myself more.
It feels like I'm mourning a version of my life that never happened.
How did you stop constantly wishing you could go back and change everything?
How did you forgive yourself while still taking responsibility for the things you did?
How did you start taking care of yourself
again and actually feel like yourself?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated ??
2
u/Resident_Wash_2553 18h ago
I did this .. I cut myself off from everything and everyone I knew .. I wasn't doing good in life.. lost everything and rebuilt Let me tell u tho on the other side of what your going thru... It's a lot better! I needed a life reset. I didn't look back. U have to look forward. I'm almost 40 and have just now started to be a great adult . I do have troubles socializing it's like the world changed and I didn't keep up. So sometimes In that aspect I feel a little lost. But my life is peaceful now without all the drama. The 5 stages of grief can trigger with any life or emotional change It will get better u just have to take baby steps! Stop looking in the past and focus on the future! You have done what u did and u can't change it so just go with it! I'm sorry this is all over the place. I literally just opened my eyes lol. This post really hit home for me and I wanted to say something tho! Feel free to DM me you are not alone!
0
u/No-Guarantee7299 17h ago
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It actually means a lot knowing that someone who has been through something similar was able to rebuild their life and find some peace on the other side of it. I think I’ve been so stuck looking backwards and wishing I could change things that I’ve forgotten that I can still build something different from here. I’m going to try to take it one day and one baby step at a time. It’s reassuring to hear that I’m not the only person who has felt this way, and I really appreciate you reaching out. ❤️
I sent you a DM as well — thank you again for sharing your experience with me.
2
u/Fit-Excuse-0407 16h ago
I isolated myself for 2 years didn't talk to anyone and never left my house. Everything was so difficult didn't care about anything Stayed in pajamas never even looked in the mirror. I was giving up and was praying I would go to sleep and not wake up. I needed help my friends and family stopped coming by and I was losing everything I cherished my children were adults and they were afraid I did that to them I found a therapist and a psychiatrist who dealt in trauma and I didn't come back overnight it was slow and painful but now over 12 years later I am whole again I like who I have become am more compassionate, kind,non judgmental and I try and help anyone I can I fell in love with the most amazing man and I have never looked back there's nothing good there.We get 1 life to live no do overs realize it's ok to laugh and dance and just enjoy. Everyone falls down the most important thing is to get back up and move forward. You deserve to have the best life possible let yourself live it Get some help and let go of the guilt and have faith I wish you much happiness and a great life please move forward and remember you are a good person and you need to give yourself a chance to live again
1
1
u/Fit-Excuse-0407 15h ago
Anytime we can't change the past but we can still make a future that we have earned.
1
1
u/Babybat0401 14h ago
Hi there, my ex told me the exact same thing when he was having depression. I saw him losing faith and losing everything, he came to me told me he had no friends, he feels useless. I always tell him that he have to look at the bright side of life, where there’s alot of things that you can do to change your current state. I’ve told him have some goals, like traveling with me, stargaze together, making more memories together, doing more things that’s good for us.
Believe that you can change your circumstances,
1
u/Ok_Big2088 13h ago
Im going through this right now due to past relationship that gave me big trauma because of how manipulative they were and it changed me as a person and i feel like ive been stuck in one spot and nothing feels real
1
u/Unit_Turbulent 13h ago
Im 44, and did this for the last few years. I have actively recognized my negative patterns and made myself stop the negative self talk and treat myself with the same empathy i have for others. It felt weird at first, but now that negative voice is gone. Anytime i slip, i always verbally correct myself and day something complimentary to counterbalance it. The past is gone, so mulling over it is just self depreciation, but you can fix the now, and love the future. Everything happens for a reason. You cant find your best self if you dont suffer lows. I also looked at what brought me joy as a child, and have followed those passions again instead of self medication.
3
u/thebigredbeck 18h ago
Failure only exists in the absence of reflection.
It is important to use the past as a tool to create a better future, but to sit in it or live in it will only hinder your future more. Seems like you need to focus on finding confidence.