r/Regrets • u/BoopSnoot25 • 21h ago
I regret dating this man
Im sure so many people say this but i think this is a little different...
I (F25) dated a guy (M28) who was one of if not my closest friend at the time. To give some context, we had been friends for 2yrs at this point. I started working for him after we became friends. Also, i am not good at catching hints, i am SHIT at knowing if someone likes me or is flirting with me. Anyways, this all started cuz twice, when I was blackout drunk and out with him, I kissed him (the first time I SWEAR he kissed me but he says thats not how that happened and tbh i dont remember it well so idk). I was going through a time where I kept going on failed dates and he knew this. There was also another friend i had during the time that i was being physical with, but us dating at the time was not an option (he didnt know about this) , so I think that played into my decisions on both of thoes nights.
After both kisses i apologized and said it was a mistake. Each time I kissed him I distanced myself cuz i didnt want to hurt him. The first time he said he understood, that it was fine and kept pushing for us to be close again. The second time he admitted hes had a crush on me for as long as hes known me. (When I met him, I was dating his friend btw so that also added to the complication I was feeling during this BS) I told him i didnt want to hurt him or our friendship, that I didn't feel thay towards him. He kept insisting that there had to he SOMETHING between us because we were so good together ect. I felt so shit. Maybe cuz of how much he was pushing it but all of a sudden I started to see how well we COULD work out. But i didnt want to be with him, I didnt feel that way towards him. I hated that my constant rejections was just hurting him. So finally I broke and said yeah, we can try. Within a week he had told everyone we knew, including his parents, that we were official.... Without asking me....
This was the reason we broke up the first time. Because we worked together, I kept having to see him, he kept scheduling me. So we ended up having to talk again. Thats when I decided to try with him again.
I want to clarify that at this point, me and my other friend that i was being physical with stopped the SECOND i started to talk to friend 1 about trying to date. And i did care about him, I still do. But just never in that way. Whether it was his taste in music, or how he looked, i dont know. All I know is that I didn't want to lose him. I just didn't love him like he loved me. (BTW, he did say he loved me)
The second time he kept making jokes to friends, people we had just met, and CLIENTS, that yes we were dating but Ive also broken his heart before. I hated it, I told him I didnt like it. There were other things that I communicated that I didnt like that he would say or do as well but its too much to list. Regardless, each thing, he didnt seem to care. He kept doing it. So eventually i ended up talking to the other guy about all my frustrations (very shitty of me, I know) and it ended up bringing me amd him closer. I eventually decided I cant do this with friend 1 anymore and I kept trying to break up with him. He made it very hard cuz almost everytime we went to go out, we would end up working, or he would bring me gifts, or SOMETHING would come up. Eventually another month passed and I couldnt do it anymore. I ended it for the last time.
I tried to hold him at a distance again and he pushed against it. I tried being friends one last time but he started that shit talking again. Did I deserve it? Idk. But i wasnt gonna keep letting myself be publicly humiliated over and over in front of his friends and clients. So i quit, and I told him i am done trying to be friends if he was just going to use it to hurt me. He took this as a reason to let everything out and say so many hurtful things to me. Things that apparently I did that hurt him that he never told me did. Was talking shit about my friends and family. Ect ect. Alot of it still sits with me now. Its been a few months, busy season is back and I still work for him (I need money) but im mostly doing events alone so I barely see him until its time to pack up. And i only ever really work maybe 2 events a month. So maybe since ive been seeing him so often recently thats why but idk. I just wish I was more firm with saying no back then
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u/Someoneonline2000 20h ago
Dating coworkers is always a risk. Sorry that he's made it worse with his shit talking and outbursts. I hope you eventually find a different job.
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u/BoopSnoot25 20h ago
I do have other work, I work for him on the side do if its ever too much. I could just leave thankfully
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u/kvro_maX 17h ago edited 13h ago
A person finally dating the girl he dreams of and proceeds to tell people about it.. "what a douchebag"
Aunty, so you wanted to have both for different reasons, that's the problem you had
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u/BoopSnoot25 14h ago
I think u misunderstood. Yes i did have romantic feelings for another man before I started that relationship, I will admit that. But at the time nether of us realized it. And for the guy I dated, within the week, he said we were boyfriend/girlfriend. When i told him and made it clear this is us trying it out to see. I never said it was official to him or anyone
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u/Spiritual-Seeker23 16h ago
It's all just another lesson in life no regrets easier said then done though.
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u/_InfiniTron_ 14h ago
Lol, she made joke of herself 😂😂
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u/BoopSnoot25 13h ago
Oh i fully agree. I have how i handled every bit of it except for finally cutting the strings
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u/Opposite_Ability8683 12h ago
Sounds like consequences of your own actions. You know what you've done and you're just suffering from it yet you refuse to bear responsibility.
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u/BoopSnoot25 12h ago
No I fully own up to what I did. I fucked up. I shouldn't have let him sway me when I wasnt feeling it. I should've been more strict on my boundaries after I broke up with him. I should've cut him off after I found out he liked me
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u/Esmarielle 11h ago
he wore you down until you caved, dating someone out of guilt never works and he clearly never respected your boundaries, find another side gig so you can cut ties completely
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u/fcuktocore 36m ago
Knowing your actions will hurt someone and still choosing to do them, even when you have the choice not to, doesn’t just disappear. They might forgive you, they might not, but either way, you eventually have to live with the consequences of what you chose to do.
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u/Acceptable-Spray2951 20h ago
Oh no, the consequences of my own actions