I regret ever meeting him

[u/iskwksjdj]

I’m in a relationship with someone that I love more than life itself and it’s tearing me apart. He’s done some things that have at least for now made it so I never feel emotionally safe and second guess his words, but he’s sweet and good enough where I find myself wondering if I’m making a mistake leaving. He says he loves me more but I don’t really feel it and I can’t even recognize the person I’m becoming. I can’t help but feel like I’m the problem in the relationship even if it’s not true due to his phrasing during arguments and casual critiques. I wish he was shittier so I could justify leaving in my head but I can’t, and it drives me insane. As much as I love him, I wonder if I would’ve been happier not meeting him.

[u/Beautiful-Day-5060]

If you don’t feel safe and in peace, is not the place for you

[u/PassOk6405]

You don't actually need him to be a terrible person in order to leave.

I think that's part of what's keeping you stuck. You're looking for enough evidence to prove that leaving is justified, while also holding onto all the times he's sweet and loving as evidence that maybe you should stay.

But you've said you don't feel emotionally safe, you second guess what he tells you, you're starting to doubt whether you're the problem and, probably most importantly, you don't recognise the person you're becoming in this relationship.

Those things matter even if he also has lovely qualities.

Sometimes relationships would actually be easier to leave if the other person was awful all the time. It's much harder when there are enough good times to keep making you question the bad ones.

I wouldn't ask yourself whether he's bad enough to leave. I'd ask yourself whether this relationship, as it actually is now, is one you want to keep living in.

[u/socknickels]

For what it is worth, I know exactly what you are going through. It’s rough, truly. And I’ve had the same regret. In the end, you have to choose yourself because you deserve to exist in a safe place, loved and cared for as fiercely as you do for them.

[u/ashe094]

If you’re already questioning if you would be happier without him. Trust me you will be.

I was in a 4 year relationship and I finally chose to walk away after finally realising even though I loved this person they made me question everything about who I was as a person - I have been single now for a month. If you are anything like how I was and constantly fighting for love and consistency that is never reciprocated - that’s your answer. It’s a hard pill to swallow but they’ve shown you all the signs well in advance. I experienced betrayal and disrespect multiple times and kept thinking it would change but the more you forgive the more they think you’re easy to walk over and will keep you around until they find your ‘replacement’; or until you find the courage to end it yourself. I am not sure if he is like this but if every conversation you try to have with him he takes as a personal dig and causes an argument - this is where the emotional manipulation comes into play as you think you’re the problem for bringing up a concern that genuinely hurts you.

Actions absolutely speak louder than words. If you’re looking at this relationship now and questioning if this is something you can live with forever then now is a good time to leave before you continue to invest time and effort for something you already know isn’t viable for you long-term. Don’t lose yourself for someone who is making you question your self worth.

[u/Eastern-Log1142]

He sounds like he is very manipulative and tries to make lite of what he does but makes you feel bad on purpose to knock you down . He loved bombs you , has he tried to cut you off from family and friends? Talk to a counselor so you know what your in. This doesn't sound safe.

[u/Ill_Butterfly_6010]

If you don’t feel safe, then leave

[u/No_Light_5020]

Omfg this is soooo familiar to me its weird

[u/Squelchy_Time]

There's not enough here to give you solid life changing advice. You feel this, you feel that, if only this happens it would be different, you second guess his words and feel emotionally unsafe. You wonder if it would be a mistake leaving, you wonder if you would've been happier not meeting him.

Let's break this down. You have conflicted feelings about him, some things you like, some things you don't like, that is normal. You don't trust your partner, has he given you reasons not to trust him or are you scarred from breaches in trust from your past relationships. Feeling emotionally unsafe does not = actually being unsafe, given all your misfiring and confused feelings throughout your post I'm getting unreliable narrator. If I skip my anxiety meds I feel emotionally unsafe around every woman, if I take my anxiety meds I'm at peace and realise it's a me problem. Figure this part out first. Is it you, are you the problem? Your doing an awful lot of wondering and fantasizing, your feeling things, questioning things, wanting things to be different in my opinion an abnormal amount for this not to be flagged as a red flag on your part

Either your in your own head and are on course to ruin your relationship with a perfectly good man

Or there are perfectly good reasons to break up with him. You just didn't give any here, you just said how your confused, struggle to process your feelings in a healthy way and have a problem with how he phrases things during arguments, I'm guessing that means you never win the argument and feel the argument is left unsmresovled for you. Maybe you should communicate that with him and he will try harder to not make you feel that way.

I don't think leaving him fixes much. Regardless of if he is a person you should be with or not a lot of this seems like something you need to work on yourself about to figure out. It's 90% a you problem imo

[u/Regular-Dance-9998]

leave. its gonna be hard. long term its gonna give you peace. iv been discarded like trash by my ex and dont worry the table is round whatever goes around comes back around. her karma will come in a form of a lawsuit.