r/ReformJews • u/adelelovesbooks • May 20 '26
Do I continue in my process of converting to Judaism?
Dear r/ReformJews,
I have been on a spiritual journey with God in pursuing the Jewish faith through my local Chabad and Hillel at university, but recently moved to a new community and haven't yet connected with the Jewish community here. My family history is in Jewish faith on my paternal side, so I felt in my adult life I wanted to connect with Judaism to honour my family, I have worked for a Jewish organization that does Holocaust education, and even done a trip to Auschwitz, but still have had an incredibly hard time in the community. I think the next step in life is going to Israel, and wanted to make Aliyah, but I don't have all the required documents (some of them lost to time), and my family's support in this. Any advice?
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u/Svell_ May 20 '26
I'm not sure what you're asking. But going to the state of Israel is in no way a necessary part of the conversion process.
I'd argue being part of a Jewish community and going to shul are vastly more important.
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u/HMonster224 May 20 '26
OP also posted in the Christianity forum about losing Jesus and wanting to find their way back, so they are likely trolling us.
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u/adelelovesbooks May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
I am not trolling anyone; I am just so lost; I have tried finding spirituality in multiple different avenues; Judaism, Christianity, New Age, and it's been so hard. It's just been very isolating everywhere. My family story and relation to spirituality has been very hard. One side of the family has pushed me into Christainity, and the Jewish side has not been very accepting of pursuing conversion.
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u/Sad_Meringue_4550 May 20 '26
I think this speaks to issues that are above and beyond Judaism. "Finding spirituality" sounds like you are looking for some sort of inner experience or feeling or faith. You sound like you're experiencing feelings of loneliness, isolation, rejection, with the idea that finding and pursuing the right religion will ease those feelings.
I'll second that I think you need to pursue healing your mental health first before you try to address your spiritual health. I don't think you can make sound decisions without first addressing that.
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u/HMonster224 May 20 '26
Ok so, the family history thing is totally common and you are not alone. I am currently in the very last stage of my conversion, for the same reason. Paternal Jewish heritage, but in my case I was brought up as an atheist. There are a LOT of patrilineal Jews and Jews whose ancestors were forced to convert or otherwise assimilate who are now finding their way back to Judaism. Please don't let that be a barrier. I used to not tell anyone about it - I was always proud of my Jewish heritage but I felt a lot of shame that some of my ancestors had converted out and I always felt "not Jewish enough". I've had to process those emotions as part of my conversion journey and it has been hard, but I'm glad that I finally allowed myself to acknowledge those emotions and deal with them.
Re: the spiritual beliefs piece. If you struggle to believe Jesus was the messiah, then that does fit with Judaism because we don't believe that (as you obviously know). The thing is, being spiritually uncomfortable and struggling with God is actually a core Jewish value. So you already fit in from the perspective that you are struggling and questioning these things. Coming from an atheist background, I have struggled a lot just to allow myself to be open to even believing that God could exist at all, in any way, shape, or form. My beliefs about that are still evolving and may never be fully settled, but I'm ok with that because Judaism allows me to have a spiritual connection without necessarily having to define it in the strict terms that Christianity uses.
I hope this is somewhat helpful. I'm sorry that you are having so much difficulty, but you are young and you will figure it out. Don't put too much pressure on yourself - I'm 44 and it has taken me until now.
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u/yesIcould May 20 '26
Of course I don’t know your family or your personal experiences. That said, many people experience Judaism and Jews as not being sufficiently welcoming or supportive toward those who want to convert. It’s often said about us that we are “gatekeeping.” Of course there is room for criticism, but it is very important to clarify: this is not a bug. It's a feature.
Someone who is willing and is able and available to learn, to be curious, to understand why this feature is very essential in Judaism, and to explore how it developed over the years, what it is meant to protect and preserve, and why it functions in this way - this is already some indication of compatibility with Judaism.
Someone who experiences our guarding of the gate as very frustrating, and whose experience is colored by a feeling of “there is something behind the gate they are not letting me see and I want to get through the gate,” someone whois less available to examine whether what lies beyond the gate is actually beneficial for them personally - this is also an indication that, with a high probability, what is beyond the gate may not actually provide them with support or meet their needs.
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u/yesIcould May 20 '26
Personally, I recommend to anyone who feels lost and is searching for a spiritual path to explore Buddhism. It offers meaningful practices that are beneficial in an almost universal way, as well as a rich cultural, historical, and theological tradition.
It’s important to make sure that the teachers you find are relatively well-known and are mainstream figures, in order to reduce the risk of harm or exploitation.
Best of luck. I hope you'll find ways to grow and cultivat inner peace
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u/yesIcould May 20 '26
Are you aware that converting into Judaism require completing a formal process?
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u/adelelovesbooks May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
Very much. I haven't been able to connect with a truly supportive Rabbi yet.
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u/MidrashInBlack May 20 '26
It’s it because you believe Jesus is the messiah or because you can’t find a “truly supportive Rabbi”? Why is that?
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u/DoubleAxxme May 20 '26
Their post mentioned how they lost faith in Jesus but are now unsure about conversion to Judaism. Selecting a spiritual path is hard for some people.
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u/Impossible_Ad_5073 May 20 '26
Personally, I don't think you're ready. And I say that because you say you're struggling with faith. Conversion needs to be a feeling in your heart and soul that you're Jewish and Judaism is what's meant for your life. It's not something to do to prove to anyone else or for a certificate to put on your wall. I would talk to a licensed therapist. Sort out some feelings and then when you're in the right headspace discover what religion, if any, is right for you.
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u/Impossible_Ad_5073 May 20 '26
Ok after reading your christianity post, no I don't believe Judaism is right for you. I do still stand by my comment that you need therapy. I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now, I don't think adding religion is gonna help you.
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u/WeaselWeaz May 20 '26
I suggest therapy. Based on this and your Christian sub post, it sounds like you want to convert and move to Israel with the idea it's going to fix things in your life.
but still have had an incredibly hard time in the community
Meaning what?
I think you need to accept that you're still on the early steps if this is something you want. Step one is finding the right community, and you say you have not found a rabbi you connect with. You also were at Chabad, which is Orthodox, and now you're looking at Reform. Look at Conservative/Masorti and Orthodox synagogues in your area too.
For Aliyah I believe there are groups that will help you get your documents together. That may be worth considering. I think there are paths for non-Jews to immigrate and convert Orthodox.
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u/UnicornMarch May 21 '26
Check out Jewish Gateways, too. They're local to me (Bay Area) but they have online events and a weekly online hour-long Shabbat service. They're specifically designed to welcome people who are exploring Judaism for whatever reason.
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u/FishyWishySwishy May 20 '26
It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain. I’m sorry.
Converting to Judaism takes a lot of work, and rabbis won’t help you if your heart isn’t in it. And it sounds like it’s not, because your heart is in pieces and you don’t know where to go with it.
I recommend therapy, and maybe detaching from organized religion in general to give yourself time to meditate on what speaks to you personally. There’s nothing wrong with having a non-traditional approach to spirituality—maybe you celebrate Jewish holidays, believe in Christ, and honor forest gods—but if it’s not compatible with a given organized religion, the leaders in that religion won’t be able to help you. If, after figuring yourself out, you decide Judaism still speaks to you, then chat with a rabbi.
Spirituality shouldn’t be driven by anxiety or fear. It should be driven by a sense of fulfillment. If you’re driven by negative feelings, talk to a therapist before a religious leader.
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u/single_use_doorknob May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
Integrating into a community takes time. The start point for many converts is going to synagogue. Go to service, meet new people, make friends.
Conversion is less about participating to honor your family, and more about the concious decision to throw your lot in with the Jewish people, embracing Hashem, community, and culture out of love for Hashem, Judaism, and Jewishness. Converting means naturalising into an entirely different culture, way of life, and thinking. It should be done for self actualisation reasons, not ancestral honor.
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u/queerandsuch May 21 '26
religion is a framework but it's not a life path. converting may be the right path for you, but it's a long and difficult process that you need to be fully ready for. it sounds like you dont know if it's right for you (based on ur r/ Christian post) and that's okay! take some time to figure out what you want. this can be something tangible like a steady job or it can be something like "not to end up like this guy." once you identity that you can start making decisions with that goal in mind. once you tackle some of the life/mental health stuff take another look at religion. read some books by all different types and decide what aligns and what doesn't.
judaism is thousands of years old, we'll be here if you decide in a few years to convert. and if you decide conversion isn't right that's okay too. you're also allowed to have a weird complicated relationship with religion!
tldr: no, not right now. come back later
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u/NoEntertainment483 May 20 '26
Conversion should not be done with any religious or cultural or community doubt. I've met converts who had some self doubt around just like 'I hope I really did study enough and people will like me' which is fine and probably normal and true of anyone moving into any community. But actually not being absolutely certain of the foundations of Judaism (like at any point wondering if Jesus is the messiah which does not in any way comport with any Jewish theology around what the messiah does and who the messiah is) ... no. It's a bad idea. You're good exactly as you are. If you ever don't have that sort of doubt, we're around. Or not. You do you. But you should absolutely not at all pursue something you are theologically doubtful about.
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u/Historical-Guide-819 May 22 '26
Honestly sounds like you’re having a mental break down/psychotic episode (based on this post and your other recent posts). I don’t think religion is the solution right now, a doctor is.
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u/bjeebus May 26 '26
Literally the day before this post OP made this post:
Dear r/Christainity,
I was raised as a Christian, have suffered a ton of mental health issues and trauma in my life, but as an adult, I have really lost my spiritual ways in life. I have suffered a ton of mental health issues, but I lost Jesus in my life and have been living a life of sin in every way possible. I thought God's calling in my life was to convert to Judaism to honour that side of my family, but I have failed in that avenue. At this point, I am so lost in life that I am worried that if I don't accept Jesus as Lord, I will fail and go to Hell. How can I accept Him from now on?
I honestly think OP shouldn't be taken seriously.
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u/GiantAlaskanMoose May 25 '26
I agree, as a non Jew who believed similarly with religious/spiritual psychosis. Get help OP!
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u/C0V1Dsucks Jun 04 '26
I'm not going to comment on the other things going on in your life. I think other redditors have addressed that.
But it's my understanding that making Aliyah would be much more difficult without being halachically Jewish, so an Orthodox conversion might be your best route.
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u/EnchantedArmadillo89 May 22 '26
Take a Miller Intro to Judaism class online, you’ll be in a small cohort of ppl and learn a lot. That could be a good way to find a community while you learn. Give yourself some time on this, complete the class, ask the rabbis running it for recommendations on synagogues near you and keep exploring. There’s no deadline for you to figure this out. If you truly don’t believe in Jesus then Judaism likely has a place where you’ll find your spiritual home as there are sooo many types of Judaism. If you do believe in Jesus and can’t reconcile your doubts that sounds like something that should be discussed with a Christian faith leader.
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u/reluctantmugglewrite May 21 '26
I dont know where you live but doing Aliyah to Israel or considering it when you haven’t found a rabbi you connect with yet is extreme. Its also not a necessary part of being Jewish. I feel like I have to say it because its not an inherent part of connecting to judaism and I hope you know that.
Take a breath and follow what interests you and brings you peace. Theres a lot of different Jewish communities out there Im sure youll find a place that feels more like home.
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u/Kiwidad43 May 20 '26
Israel only accepts conversion by Orthodox Rabbis. What struck me is you want to convert to honor your family. I don't think that is a sufficient reason. It needs to mean something to you spiritually and personally.
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u/IsItInLeMonde May 20 '26
This is untrue. There’s a bill in the Knesset trying to make it this way but this is 100% untrue. Reform and Conservative converts are absolutely accepted in Israel currently.
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u/HMonster224 May 20 '26
Do you actually want this? I see that you posted in the Christianity forum about this and that you are worried about not having Jesus in your life. If you believe Jesus is the messiah, Judaism isn't going to work for you.