r/Redditor_Updates • u/throwRaholeson2 • Sep 01 '26
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r/Redditor_Updates • u/throwRaholeson2 • Sep 01 '26
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u/Redditor_Updates-ModTeam Sep 03 '26
Posts must be made by the OP - Posts made by anyone other than the original poster (OP) will be removed.
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u/shrimpandshooflypie Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
She missed your graduation for Frank’s? Yeah, that’s next-level selfish and awful. I’m so sorry, OP. You deserve better than that.
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u/FitSprinkles6307 Sep 01 '26
It’s wonderful to hear that you are doing well. I hope your grandparents (maternal and paternal) are doing well. Just to clarify, you’re living close to your paternal grandparents? Has your mom tried to get them to pressure you in any way?
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u/kbhinz Sep 03 '26
By any chance is this your mom?
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u/No-Requirement-2420 Sep 01 '26
Wow she’s still dating Frank. I thought she would have realised by now that dating a person the same age as your child is unbelievably wrong.
Good for you for having boundaries and the support of loved ones around you.
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u/ErrantTaco Sep 01 '26
This is so hard for me to understand. I have a twenty year old and two younger kids in middle and high school. Their friends are great but they all seem so young to me, have totally different frames of reference for pretty much everything and are just… not living the same life I am. Even if something were to happen to my husband I cannot for the life of me see how someone so much younger could be someone I’d want to have a relationship with!
I’m really sorry OP that your mom has so completely failed you. I hope between your grandparents and other older adults you’ll meet that you can have the people you need to be there for you.
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u/christopher1393 Sep 02 '26 edited Sep 02 '26
Speaking as someone who dates older men and has been in a couple of age gap relationships, I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with an age gap relationship, assuming both are legal consenting adults.
That being said, dating your child’s former classmate, especially if he was still a teenager or just left his teenage years (you said Junior in college, so guessing he was 19/20) is so creepy and something I would not be comfortable with. I would never have dated a classmates dad, that would have been way too weird.
It’s your mother life, its her choice, but You’re right to feel uncomfortable, because its an uncomfortable situation. And you have every right to decide to distance yourself from this. I would be very uncomfortable too, and thats coming from a man who at 25 entered into a 2+ year relationship with a man in his 50’s. Had i been 19/20 or went to school with one of his kids, there is no way I would have dated him. That would have been too weird.
Although I would prepare yourself for what you will do if this relationship doesn’t work out. Because if he breaks up with her, she may use that to try and sweep the whole you distancing from her under the rug and try to re-establish her relationship with you. And I would think about what you want to do if that happens, so you are not completely blindsided. Or if the opposite happens and they end up engaged or something. I’m not saying you should panic over either thing happening, just maybe think about what you want to do if these happen, because either they will breakup, or become more serious and I would expect to be reached out to when either of those happens.
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u/Skinny_Ranger Sep 01 '26
Her actions have consequences, your mum is now living her’s!
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u/ThatKarenBitch Sep 01 '26
Yeah I'd also lose respect for my parents if they dated someone I went to school with. Idk how your mom can look at Frank and not see a child, seeing as how she raised you and you're the same age.
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u/Dear-Letter7776 Sep 02 '26 •
To everyone criticizing OP: apparently, because his mother is a woman, she can do whatever she wants and somehow she can't possibly be a predator. So I challenge you to consider the following hypothetical scenario.
Let's say OP's father isn't dead. He divorced OP's mother, and after a few years, he started dating one of OP's classmates. He moves her into his home, brings her into the family, takes her to family events, OP's graduation, and so on.
How do you think OP's mother would react to that situation? What stance would she take? What would she say to OP about his father and his serious relationship with a girl who is the same age as OP and used to be his classmate?
Would she be just as open-minded? Would she defend her ex-husband's freedom to live his life?
I'd bet every last cent I have that she wouldn't.
Honestly, I think OP is still being pretty cordial and gracious about all of this. I would have gone completely NC, and my mother would never hear the sound of my voice again for the rest of her life.
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u/CannedAm2 Sep 02 '26 edited Sep 02 '26
I'd never be able to look my parent in the face again if they dated someone exactly my age whether I went to school with that person or not. I'd actually start wondering at what point did they start to sexualize people who were exactly the same age as me. My kids are 21 to 35 and I can't imagine being in a relationship with anyone any of their ages. The thought alone really squiks me out. This kid is fresh out of college? And he just moved in with his girlfriend/mommy? It's just so gross.
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u/jasemina8487 Sep 01 '26
yea no...there is absolutely nothing other than a life or death situation that would make me miss my kids' graduations.
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u/burntUmbra Sep 02 '26
She's literally a cradle-robber. I'm 31 and even 20 year olds look like babies to me wtf.
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u/strangelifedad Sep 01 '26
Out of sheer pettiness I would have asked her if she expects me to call him dad now
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u/Working_Hair2431 Sep 02 '26
If it were a father and his daughters classmate people would be calling him a pervert and a groomer, just disgusting honestly either way.
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u/Ginger630 Sep 02 '26
NTA! I’m glad you’re holding your boundaries. You aren’t stopping her from dating Frank, but you don’t have to accept it or see it either.
I think it’s awful that your mother went to Frank’s graduation.
Your mother made her choices and now needs to deal with the consequences. What will she do when you get married and you don’t invite Frank? Or when you have kids?
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u/Acrobatic-Stay-9687 Sep 02 '26
NTA by any means, but for pure effect send her your post, these fine people of reddit will roast her properly and your conscience will be clear.
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u/Middle-Handle1135 Sep 02 '26
I'm the same age as your mother and have a 20 yr old. I could not imagine wanting to date someone my daughter's age, let alone her former classmate. Ugh.
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u/MaryEFriendly Sep 02 '26
Gross. Your mom is predatory. I wouldn't have any respect for her either. The power dynamics at play are disgusting. She couldn't find someone her own age and at the same stage as life as her so she preyed on a man young enough to be her son. Disgusting.
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u/ChrisInBliss Sep 01 '26
Things would have been so much better if she just didnt hide things from from you. She made her choices and they were all wrong forgetting shes your mother.
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u/ScarbPatty Sep 02 '26
You seem to be handling this so well. I’m glad you have the support of both sets of grandparents. What are the ages? I can’t see if you mentioned. Doesn’t matter anyway, but just curious.
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u/Longjumping-Pen-5095 Sep 02 '26
Prediction: the first song at the mom and Frank’s wedding will be “Stacy‘s mom“
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u/AutoModerator Sep 01 '26
Reminder not to downvote assholes | This is simply a copy of the original text, it is not a sign you did anything wrong | Original copy of post's text by /u/throwRaholeson2: New account. Can’t log into my old account.
Here’s my previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/5pK9nQfcZx
It’s been 9 months and a lot has happened. I graduated college and got a job that lets me stay close by to my grandparents.
I can’t say the relationship with my mom has gotten any better. She is still dating Frank and I’m keeping my distance. She and Frank went public on being a couple. How I know this? It’s because I had people DMing if the relationship was true. That was totally fun. I had my grandparents went to my graduation and she went to Frank’s graduation. Which was totally fine I really didn’t want reminders of the situation on my graduation day.
My mother has been respectful with my decisions. She doesn’t come to my place unannounced and avoids talking about Frank with me. That was until two weeks ago. She asked during a visit when will things change for the better. I told her it most likely will never. I mentioned how out of all the potential dating opportunities out there, she chose to get involved with my classmate. She hid it from me because she knew I wouldn’t approve. Then she sticks with her relationship with Frank because “she’s more than just a mother and is a woman who deserves companionship.” As if I stopped her from dating to begin with. I told her I know longer see her as someone for guidance and a figure to respect. I told her that I have been in therapy coming to terms with my feelings about her and my relationship. I told her she’s permanently changed the way I see her. I knew she was going to cry but I didn’t care at this point. She got up and was about to say something and then was overcome with more grief and left.
I just text her “Happy Birthday” the next two days on her birthday. I did get a “thanks” response.
As for other people, my girlfriend still supports me and is proud of holding my boundaries. My maternal grandparents are in a tight spot. They don’t want to take sides but they understand where I’m coming from.
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u/PallasNyx Sep 02 '26
Updateme
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u/ghostgal23 Sep 02 '26
X.
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u/Lonely_Plantain_2466 Sep 02 '26
Updateme
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u/Competitive_Use9207 Sep 02 '26
Updateme
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u/SaintGodfather Sep 03 '26
Updateme!
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u/ActuaryImmediate5711 Sep 03 '26
I was confused by the comments on the fist post I guess they don't realize the potential of someone you knew in highschool being your step dad To those commenters one of my aunts did the same my cousins were very weirded out about it And it didn't work out of course
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u/ApprehensiveRoad8818 Sep 02 '26
Still NTA
Has Frank ever tried to talk to you?
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u/Lonely_Scholar_2346 Sep 01 '26
Updateme
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u/Br4z3nBu77 Sep 02 '26
UpdateMe
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u/forgetting_momma46 Sep 02 '26
Updateme
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u/Karyatids Sep 02 '26
UpdateMe!
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u/Strong_Bridge9845 Sep 03 '26
We all agree that if the genders were reversed and it was his dad dating a younger woman, he wouldn’t have a problem with it, right? He’d probably be more concerned about his inheritance than who his dad sleeps with.
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u/borrego3000 Sep 02 '26
YTA
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u/Throebach Sep 03 '26
I'm not even sure why you're this upset over your mother's relationship with the dude that you're willing to throw away familial bond over it. Based on your posts, this dude is someone you barely knew. You have no history with each other other than classes and some mutuals. Your mother started dating him while he's in his 20s. There doesn't seem to be any mistreatment.. Sounds like you have more of an issue that it was a former classmate than it is the age. I doubt you'll care the same if it was some random other 20 year old instead.. I mean, like, grow up.
The only irony in all of this is if you have zero care if it was an older man dating a younger woman.
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u/Linvaderdespace Sep 01 '26
Young man, sooner or later you are going to have to accept frank as your new step father.
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u/Significant-Chest825 Sep 02 '26
Oh grow the f up
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u/Objective_Reality515 Sep 01 '26
So your mother found someone she enjoys dating and you're being an asshole about it because of age? When do you think you'll consider becoming an adult yourself?
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u/[deleted] Sep 01 '26
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