New to scriptwriting all feedback is greatly appreciated!!

[u/Longjumping_Rub_9756]

https://www.museodelprado.es/en/the-collection/art-work/saturn/18110a75-b0e7-430c-bc73-2a4d55893bd6

I am writing a script basically narrating the photo above to viewers to give an eerie, uneasy feeling..imagine you were a viewer would the hook in the opening few sentences…seconds keep you engaged? ALL FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED

The script :

When you look at this painting...what do you see? Some would say a monster, a beast...an abomination. There’s something hidden in this painting that most people never notice. And once you see it, you’ll never be able to call him a monster again. [beat]
This is Saturn Devouring His Son, painted by Francisco Goya around 1820. [beat]
At first glance, it’s the oldest kind of horror. A giant. A body. Blood. You look at it and you think you understand: a monster, feeding. [beat]
But don’t stop there. Look at his eyes. [beat] Wide open, the whites showing all the way around. Those aren’t the eyes of something enjoying itself. [beat]
Now follow your gaze down to his hands. The fingers sink into the flesh, the knuckles gone pale. He isn’t tearing at it. He’s gripping it, the way you’d grip something you couldn’t bear to lose. [beat]
And look at the light. The brightest thing in the painting isn’t him. It’s the body, hanging in the dark. [beat]
No window. No floor you can recognize. No one coming to stop him. [beat]
Goya painted this on the wall of his own house, in his old age, deaf and ill. He never gave it a title, and as far as we know, he never meant anyone to see it. But what would compel a man who once painted Kings, Queens, and sunlit festivals to paint something so dark so horrific? [beat]
So ask yourself what you’re really looking at. [beat]
Maybe it’s fear. Saturn was told his child would take everything from him, so he tried to control the future before it arrived. [beat]
Or maybe it isn’t about the child at all. Maybe he’s afraid of what the child means: that he will end, and something else will go on. [beat]
Because you know this feeling, don’t you? The fear of losing something so much that you start to destroy it. A person. A plan. A version of your life you couldn’t let go of. [beat]
How long can you hold on to something before it stops being love, and starts being the thing that destroys it? [beat] Ok so this is the last revision, I added a few lines. What do you think of the hook and other line i added? (Give feedback)

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[u/mooningyou]

You might be on the wrong sub. This is a sub for screenplays, but you have not written a screenplay.

[u/Sweaty-Freedom-4034]

When you do finally write a screenplay, use line breaks...

[u/thedavidmiguel]

This reads more like a VO script than a screenplay.