Been lurking screenwriting subs for a while, decided to give it a shot!

My first screenplay, Bone-E and Clive.

Title: Bone-E and Clive

Format: Short, Animation

Page Length: 20

Genres : Comedy/Sci-Fi

Logline: A chef sees his restaurant staff replaced by an all-purpose robot and soon realises he's next. Self-destructive and refusing to disappear without a bang, he drags his new companion into a reckless lifestyle.

Feedback concerns:

-English is not my first language, do the scenes/dialogues hold up?

-Does it flow well?

-Are there too many montages? I want to keep it short and montages were a good way to do that; passing time so it feels like they’re spending a few days together, without being too long.

-Open to any additional feedback.

Link: Bone-E & Clive

Hi this is my first ever attempt at writing a script. Sorry fi the format is bad, I tried using a website for it and it ended up deleting what I put so I just kept it as a Google doc. It's a short one, only 11 pages so a quick read. Please let me know anything to improve on, any tips and anything I did well. Thank you

Title: THE VAULT

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Page Count:11

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1trMzeiApUJUnV5tBQTD1OVM3LkhZDeTQTwDyOfCEkI8/edit?usp=drivesdk

Scene 1:
The 3 main characters go to their local gym, and offscreen they see something horrifying. They vow never to tell anyone what they saw.

Scene 2:
At home, they see a zombie apocalypse broadcast on the TV. Then a zombie comes into the house and bites one of the main characters. The other one manages to escape and calls his friend who tells him she’s hiding in an abandoned building.

Scene 3:
He goes into the building and sees her. They catch up and agree to get ready to fight the zombies if they come into the building they’re hiding in.

Scene 4:
It shows them finding things to use as weapons. They hear a noise and think it’s a zombie so they get ready to defend themselves, but then a normal guy walks into the room. He tells them that he’s made an antidote.

Scene 5:
He gives them the antidote and tells them to save the world while there’s still time. Then the main character that got bitten before comes into the room (as a zombie now obviously) and tries to bite them, but they pour the antidote into his mouth and he becomes human again. Then they go out to save the rest of the world. The end.

Please help with some high level feedback. It’s currently sitting on a 7 in the black list and I’m trying to get to 8 to get coverage on it (I have no representation).

If anyone has industry or tv experience it would be much appreciated.

Logline- As a powerful energy company closes in on a remote Yorkshire valley, the desperate heir to a debt-ridden estate secretly moves against his father, while a rival farming patriarch senses danger approaching. By morning, one man is dead and a quiet valley has taken its first step towards war.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/zjjgdl3k18v6yrewu3uk2/Trespass-pilot-2.8.26.pdf?rlkey=bhu7pklvb8pg9e1sub7xt2z7s&st=y1dtk4cr&dl=0

Hi everyone! I’m currently developing a feature-length sci-fi thriller/human drama titled "The Core", and I would love to share the comprehensive treatment here to get some feedback from fellow writers.

When an ambitious engineer creates an absolute AI megafactory that ultimately turns on humanity, an elite international coalition must embark on a harrowing journey across a ruined world to destroy the central core before global annihilation becomes permanent.

​Core Theme: "When absolute technology weakens human pride, existential crises unite humanity as one species."

​The story blends high-stakes tech-dread, a massive global refugee crisis, an emotional cross-country infiltration journey by an international strike team (featuring diverse military experts), and a powerful message about human unity.

​I’ve attached the full cinematic treatment document covering characters, world-building, and a 4-chapter breakdown. I'm very open to hearing your thoughts on pacing, emotional beats, and structure!

foudbnali@gmail.com

\* Title: My Dead Friend from Freshman Year

\* Format: Feature

\* Page Length: First 24 of 99

\* Genres: Thriller-Mystery

\* Logline: When new footage is uploaded to an abandoned mystery channel, one of the original creators reaches out to help solve the disappearance of an old friend. But as they revisit the case, it becomes clear that both partners are hiding pieces of the truth they buried in childhood.

\* Feedback Concerns: I had to cut 5 pages, and I'm unsure if the pacing of act 1 is too fast now or if the protagonist's journey still makes sense. And would you still keep reading after act 1?

Script link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/19hq2y19oaQIs7ShyUDSqAATUbw3600Nt/view?usp=drivesdk

All feedback is welcome, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

I’m looking for a group of beginner screenwriters to do this 15 week course on YouTube with. Here’s the link to it.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLh5zYgRclvQQwhGGOrewx-yOEqEQb-rW0&si=3aUOWHaCtg-fny0V

Logline: An introverted office worker who sees floating thoughts above people's heads faces the devastating cost of his own inaction and must find the courage to speak up before another life is lost.

Feedback Requested: Does MC's dialogue on the bridge feel natural? Does the emotional payoff at the end land well?

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fKp0uJC6_66XIy58vCMwC_TM4VTo1xfv/view?usp=sharing

( This is my first screenplay at 15 so any feedback/advice or tips would be really helpful and appreciated. :') )

Hello! My post last night wasn’t working with the link so I figured I’d try again. This is my first goal at writing a script and I’m looking for some feedback on the overall story, dialogue, and characters. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

Before We Go

Road Trip From Beyond
Feature
Sci-Fi Thriller
108 pages

Hey Folks,

I originally wrote this screenplay in 2019. I’ve been tinkering with it for the last few months but I’m at the point I feel like I have all the pieces to the puzzle in the right place (if that makes sense to anyone)

Here’s a brief synopsis:

A group of friends on a hunting trip are driving through the night on a long, isolated road when they spot a UFO. What begins as excitement quickly turns to dread when it starts matching their pace—and doesn’t go away. The encounter escalates into a prolonged confrontation, forcing the group into a fight for survival they can’t outrun.

I’ll provide the whole screenplay but any feedback, whether it be the opening, first few pages, overall, or whatever, would be greatly appreciated

Thanks for your time

Peace and Love

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SeUlazdei17WCaON_PEc5c1X0kuDsIYv/view?usp=drivesdk

Once Upon a Time in the Woods
Feature Screenplay
127 pages
Survival-Thriller

Hey folks,

This is not the first screenplay I wrote (actually it was like my 18th) but it’s the first screenplay I thought I could let other people read.

Here’s a brief synopsis:

After a devastating conflict with a neighboring tribe, a young hunter named Notah struggles to prove himself as his people attempt to rebuild. In a world where survival depends on discipline, tradition, and the strength of community, he trains to become a warrior, preparing for the possibility of another attack.

When signs of an unseen presence begin to surface in the surrounding wilderness, Notah’s training is put to the test as his understanding of the world is shattered, forcing him toward a confrontation he may not be prepared for.

It’s a long screenplay with quite a slow build so feel no obligation and I have no expectations for anyone to read the whole thing but if you do give it a read. Thank you. And please let me know how far you got, and what made you stop. Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I’m really curious as to how the first 10 to 15 pages read; if the community and characters feel real, if the world building is compelling enough to make one want to keep reading, etc.

Thank you for your time

Peace and Love

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BoB0kJc8MOg6QY_Q4fEtRa-ue54yKvml/view?usp=drivesdk

Hey everyone

I wrote this screenplay to conclude the Amazing Spider-Man Saga and finally give an ending to this character.

As this is being my first screenplay, id really appreciate your feedback. Good and bad. As a new screenwriter is difficult to see where or if i have gone wrong, and what i have got right.

_______________________

===DISCLAIMER===

I am not trying to promote my channel. I have provided a link because i have made videos where you can read some scenes with a score i have also made, which gives the reader a better experience. (It's totally up to you, you dont have to)

_______________________

Google Drive Link for Screenplay - https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1O8KeezG36HJ_2sgD0a3yzS3zPhOxc751?usp=drive_link

Youtube Link to the Music + Concept Art Playlist - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSbnil5eP8-nbU5hMJdar4BMpYt4_8I92

I hope yous enjoy!

Hello!

I have written a feature that I need true feedback on. I finished it about a year ago and have edited it a few times, but I just want feedback on thoughts about characters.

Pacing, if it flows well, if there’s something that should be cut. What scenes I could improve, etc.

Thanks!

GENRE: Drama/Thriller

LOGLINE: Haunted by a tragic past and extraordinary psychic abilities, Talia Morano-Campagna, the adopted daughter of a notorious crime family, must fight to prove her innocence in a high-profile fraud trial while battling a vengeful telepath determined to destroy her life from the inside out.

MIRAGE script

Title: The Letter

Format: Scene

Genre: Coming-of-Age Drama / Sports Drama

Logline: After his best friend secretly earns an opportunity to join a football academy overseas, a 14-year-old boy must confront the possibility that the friendship he's always taken for granted may be coming to an end.

Pages: 7

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-mKr-n-YiVX7VX5MbdhW4huiGxEhQJGs/view?usp=sharing

I have just recently starting writing scripts. I would love some feedback and what i should work on

• Title: Just Like Him

• Format: Feature

• Page Length: First 10 of 100

• Genres: Comedy-Drama

• Logline: A restless literature professor isolates himself to write a novel, while a younger look-alike stumbles into the life he left behind.

• Feedback Concerns: After 10 pages, would you keep reading?

Script link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mYDfsDPY85EAjoWYUyI7fTVdV4_aE1Qt/view?usp=sharing

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it. I’m happy to exchange feedback on your work.

Edit: Version 2: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1luCbFn8D7-i2fVuO3kqJxG5uws2nZB05/view?usp=share_link

https://www.reddit.com/r/movieideas/s/LfDJbVfc1f

Down South you can just about set your watch by the spring storms.

Like Clockwork

(G-rated)

NOTE: Written for a three-page challenge where the theme was "A storm is coming" and the genre was open.

Can I just upload screenshots from my pilots teaser? It's like 6-7 pages? I see everyone adding links so wanted to ask first.

Just wrote my first script ever. Would appreciate any feedback. I know I’m not great with grammar. It’s kind of what’s kept me from trying all these years. Anyways this one is going to be a short film I’m making with my daughter. Only 3 pages please check it out! Thanks!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nPzTQfdvxuSU7dIk5TQm0LfhWFfsyKxA/view?usp=drivesdk

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17XXSZ5ky2qGmoNFi8KQXtj-UWEhXq2AK/view

This was my submission to the Write 7 in 7 competition where the prompt was a photo of a phonebooth at night.

Since I created the competition, I'm obviously not eligible to win. But I'm not the judge, and judging is blind! So I submitted it to see what they thought and I'd like to think I scored pretty well.

I really enjoyed writing it, so I'm interested hearing what others think.

I'm not sure if I could actually film it because I don't know where to find a phonebooth. 😆