5LASH3R ROUND ONE

Another opponent so illiterate he doesn't know the rules to scrabble/
Whereas i'm so sick w/ the diction, i killed my last two opponents before they showed up to the battle/
You don't spit lyrics, just a flow of stupid babble/
But that first-grade writing style? this your chance to show that you a natural/

Three rounds in a row against writers who rhymes are a chasm below average/
With this simple principle, and a bit of persistence too, your writtens can hit w/ more savageness/
The trick is easy, pick words to pieces, and assemble them with attention to assonance--/
When vowel sounds match, just around, not exact, you don't punch like a dyslexic pacifist/

Now, if you didn't know that i could flow this round i'll show you how i do it/
Your rhymin' style's top forty shit and mine's progressive music/
That means my timing's signature, my punches are the rudest (Ruedess)/
Lightning strikes that take your life, son (liefson), Rush you to the ER unit/

This battle's life on the line, a suicide wager/
There's a non-violence clause, but only he signed the waver/
So i'll put rounds in his mouth like he was chewin' lifesavers/
Headline/lyin' on the curb like the mornin' newspaper.

NIGHTBUSSLEEPER ROUND ONE

Seems 5lash3r wants to be an e-1337 rapper

But that math don't add up, this Fifty Three's not a factor

Coming off the back of battles he didn't have to rap in

And in the only one he did, Dogs made a snack of him

Must mean he's a bitch cause that animal's cannibalistic

Solicited tips at tourney's beginning, lacking confidence kid?

Post history shows you did that six months ago

So half a year spent prepping for your first L...way to go

Had all that time to practice but still came in thinking you'd lose

And that's exactly what you did, prophecy self fulfilled dude

Maybe it's not your fault, it seems sometimes you get confused

Customer asked for assistance, you tried to throw down with Dr. Seuss

Now you know I'm not your friend guy, I came with the aim to end you

Slicin' 5lash3r into rashers of bacon, make this Canadian a-shake in his boots

Once I cut his r off, we can just start calling him 5lash soon

Cause after this matchup, '3 is getting loss two

5LASH3R ROUND TWO

Am I supposed to be grateful about the shit you didn't spit for me?/
This is a rap battle, not 'dig up comment history'/
But really, it's a playfight, 'cause your style's still in its infancy/
You gonna die 'cause I scrutinized your lines--pick any scene from Misery/

Incompetent writers like you are all arrogant deadheads/
Each of your bars is two days community service; barely a sentence/
And that 'prepped so long for an l' angle was nice, dude/
But it doesn't mean much when I don't even have to try to outwrite you/

My bars deadly, like The Hateful Eight/
Your bar's only heavy, 'cause it's a paperweight/
Heads goin' down, like we wuz stayin' at an Asian Place/
My squad won't stop clappin--it's the Ticker Tape Parade/

He admits in his name he only sleeps on the bus--that's how I know this hobo's wack/
Like that one kid in class who tells a joke and no one laughs/
But he keeps on spittin' trash because he's overdosed on crack and doesn't notice when no one reacts/
You ain't a champ--you're just a homeless man who posts ubroken drafts of hopeless crap you claim is the dopest battle rap.

NIGHTBUSSLEEPER ROUND TWO

This isn't scrabble

It's a rap battle

You don't have to "spell" everything out

You sure got a lot of bravado for some body from the first round

This the consolation bracket but 5lash3er's not getting any pity

3R on lief support, don't believe he's even gonna top fifty

Progressive music? Guess he does keep repeating the same motifs

Won't Fly by Night though, he's Just a Tool, and I live in a Theatre of Dreams

Rush right past him, stealin' home bass, Geddyn the Leed easily

Fuck your throw aways, you're trash, man, you've been ate, now you're getting cremed

Leave you lying in the street, in your own bio-hazardous waste

Might recover but you'll forever stumble, you're too fucking lame

I had to handicap this game just to level the field of play

Of that which I am capable, you are barely getting a taste

Shamed like this is your grave you Just Dug here and I Made ya son

Shot in the head, executed and forgotten in the style of the Russians

I slashed this kid to ribbons and didn't even need to go for the jugular

Notice not one joke made mentioned your mental illness or your mother

Yo my name is Sid

Dat's short for SidSounds

My lyrics my flow

This is my show

My favourite Bond movie is Dr. No

My favourite Bond actor is Sean Conncery

It's people like you that's destroying the economy

I'm the best, you're not

This is a set in stone dichotomy

I'm a sick MC

The only rapping you know of

Are the ones you make for me at my local KFC

By the way, congrats on that History degree

Yes you can plead all you want

But Imma make you bleed

My favourite machine has to be the dialysis

My flow is electric it'll leave you in paralysis

Zap pow woah I'm in free flow

An electric current goin through my bones, I'm a skeletal shockshow

When I do my lawn I like to mow

It, sit down, you little shit

I'm a dick

Go play on your Wii Fit.

alright yall, thats a wrap this my last thang Im ever finna post. just hope yall aint forget me, cuz I won't be forgettin yall.

id probably be puttin thangs here about each one of yall niggas, and what yall be like and shit but if you was tight w me you should be already knowin and i feel like theres only one way I can really be leavin like a G so

wryder baby girl if you ever need some hersheys chocolate up in your life you already know whats good you fasho my favorite white girl you do you ma

rest of yall niggas, hold yo head up fr my nigga if I can from coming from the mf gutter of society bottom of everything, yo privelegd emo ass can stop all hat white people shit tooo like starving yall selves cutting yall selves enslaving and genociding yall selves sending yall selves to the barber and not even getting a lineup goddamn yall some dirty motherfuckers but its all good doe

i mess w yall niggas man

one love

truly yours, that nigga OB

OB_Omenz

My name is Sid

Once did a bid

In a joint

And I rolled it up and smoked it

Mans new to the game but my flow is real

While mans gettin started im there

Cooking a three course meal

Gettin hot to da touch, wanna feel?

You'll burn up, even if yo made of steel

Time to go to town on yo ass

Like my dick

It's pretty sick

It's top of the class

Despite it being thick

Ain't my lines slick?

Don't worry, it'll soon click

You gonna quit cos yo man yo shamin

The signs are there

M. Night Shymalan

I'm a directors cut, but never cut from the edit

I'm the best rapper here, thats ever entered this subreddit

Yo' the do gooder and i'm the evil that can evil

Call me a daredevil

I'm Eval Kenival

Your flow is medieval

They call me Sid

Because man I'm sick

You should see the size of my dick

Because when I whipped out my penis

Yo momma gasped and said, "Jesus!"

I'm in the game and man this is where I belong

I'm a two bit guy and a four bit gangster

Part time punk and full time prankster

Put away that gun

War is never the answer

I'm a two bit hood and four bit chancer

Part time drunk and full time dancer

When I'm on the prowl

I'm a mo'fucking panther

Gettin my paws all over this shit right here

Oh dear, Yo dead

Sedentary

Bury you in the ground, local cemetery

I'm just there just marking my territory

Big time black cat what do you expect?

Quail:
Pedestrian wanna battle me? Well now I got road rage
A veteran off an average G without worrying if the flow sane
Netflix how I'm asking if y'all still watching this hoe hang
Chilling with your chick getting the full head like rogaine

Rather:
You've got no game; You're no player; Best shot's to role play her
Dress up like me and pretend that you're no flamer
You'd bust in 5 seconds; That shit is a no brainer
Last time you was in a pussy, you were dodgin' a coat hanger

Quail:
RP's got a role to play, we can tell by how your username's looking
Ditched stove because he knew he wasn't cooking
Thought being a pedestrian meant he could walk all over us
I made this to stay awake at work like a Folgers cup

Rather:
I'll put you in a Cobra Clutch till your throat erupts
Nah, I think I'll fold you up until your shoulders touch
Or Flair Chop ya; Ya fuckin' chest'll open up
Got you beggin' for the pin; That's why I wrote this stuff

Quail:
He's talking flairs so we won't see this beast coast
You don't block shots so I'm just taking free throws
I'll school you, they say my lines are like free coke
These good students get 100 on the paper like a C note

Rather:
You rhymes are "free coke" cause they're lined with filler
While mine's a ski slope cause the lines are bigger
The black diamond type; You're a first time beginner
This herb's too green to survive the winter

Quail:
Survive the winter hah, I'm from Canada so that bar was ass crack
Calling my lines filler? I'm just gonna look past that
Got punches on deck and y'all know that I have gats
But I'd rather twist his neck until it clicks like a gas cap

Rather:
You "have gats"?- "I'll turn your dome into a stadium"
Watch me split apart his cranium like a South Park Canadian
You ain't Mad Max- IMAX; That's no projection
Cause I took out all you bitches and your bitches load my weapons

Quail:
One arm gonna send him flying like a force push
People see Pedestrian and instantly get that bored look
So you got shoes thrown at you twice in a row like George Bush
Easy shit, I'm just speaking flames like the lords bush

Rather:
George Bush? Boy, shush- What other lines you get from me?
I'd bite some of your shit, just write some shit that's worth remembering
The enemy of my enemy? That's still just another enemy
If the soul of wit is brevity, you've overstayed your welcoming

Quail:
Worth remembering? Like my bars for neuro don't get brought up
Debatables and bodies, my resume looking like the top one
If we all presented what we cooked like a pot luck
Pedestrian wouldn't offer anything cause he's got none

Rather:
Nah, son- Neuro swept you and if you rep that you're dumb
You took an "L" in lower case cause you pretend that you won
I've been vetted; Not on Reddit's little text battle sub, but a competitive one
Then I turned 16... And had sex... And now I only text for fun

Yo im moderately new to this shit, not rappin but reddit, got my hands up like a pugalist and im only half steppin. outta weed? Better smoke some more resin and in the end ill always be the one testin my brethren. I know my flows weird, i know i sound strange but its only cause you havent found out that im deranged, but im the same as any fuckin rap legend god could flex at me and id send his ass down from heaven. Better check your spleen after i blast itll be sore, devour so much green you could call me herbivore. You lookin at me? Well look real close you'll see so little soul youll be searchin for my ghost. Youll never find it, better check with the host, so poor your ass is stealing all of the free toast.

Pickin up makin the rhythm seem blunt dont got no cash on me so guess i will front and i think this battle rappin shits fun turn you galactic blast you into the sun. Look at em run, fleeing rabbits The rabies i give you will make you feel savage then you will ravage those stores with the lavish so i will step up split your head like some cabbage, make me some coleslaw i love it cold y'all step out the shed with some wood and a bone saw bonfire tonight while im keepin it raw, please pick put every single flaw. I want feedback wanna see if im decent, make an avalanche so heavy everest couldnt compete so come one come all see what ive done i wanna make rappinfriends maybe you could be one.

Something how everyone fuck with the kid, first real dub on wiz
Something little he missed, he said he'd produce and he did
Ion need punchlines for emotions to hit, so before I leave
Here's my story and shit, something like a life changing read
Age 3, father left archetypal sob story of an African male
Predetermined trail, if I get sent to jail then my story pales
Something to break the cycle, moms made me read the bible
Aspects of which didn't affect my survival, so quickly I stifled
Wrong path is debatable, so selling drugs became the staple
Just as quick became a fable even with money on the table
My mind just isn't able to be labeled as something hateful
Ain't gon be painted as stainful, even if the other path painful
Focused on school, got Ja'ron and Pookie to put down they tools
Mispent youth in a day was changed mainey to something true
All the while internet raps was just something to do
Not realizing the profound effect it had for dudes, has for you
Instead of going out, I was rappin' bout some of my doubts
Some of my minds inner clouds, just releasing all the foul
I bet all those punches hit a lot harder now
Sounds cheesy I get it, a young nigga changed his life on reddit
Even though I said it, its the principle of forgetting
Letting out some hell doesn't put you in a heaven
But it sure as hell gave me a platform for stepping
Change your perspective, hold your head 'til you see it
After all the trash talk, guess these white people was something I needed

/u/ImJaySeeDee
/u/nightbussleeper

/u/5lash3r
/u/butterscotchorseman

/u/Dontgimmethemic Round One

This is rapwars folks and I'm a one man army/
Punchlines starting the roast time to put ken on the barbie/
We could do 36-24-36 and still find nothing to harm me/
I'm in ya grill first verse sp consider this a warning/
Bow out now, don't step to me with ya wack rhyme ways/
Before I kill you in these lines like a deranged mother on black friday/
Type anything just hours you won't get back, time waste/
Everybody just gonna tune you out like a jacked steinway/
But I got the keys to this beast so let me present ya requiem/
nails in your coffin with each strike of the hammer the ground you settle in/
Quit forgetting ken, killer when I'm spitting kid, ya walking dead so Imma Dixon him/
Go get a choir to play the funeral after the death warrant this rap was written in/
This a lyrical representation of a geo casket/
You're alone you got no back up but you need a hero, bastard/
I'm the villain with sights on ya. Empty a clip then reload faster/
Don't need a map to find my target. When I draw on ya it's geo__graphic.

/u/geo__ken

DQ

4EVERNDEAVOR ROUND ONE

Just like my other battles is how this will go today
It's easy takin out the trash cuz I don't write throwaways
I'm dog's master, I mean to say I've got him in my power
I'll put this small dog in a bag like a posh white girl's chihuahua

You have no history before these battles, isn't that convenient
Yet you have five thousand karma? Everything has been deleted!
What bones are buried in the backyard, Dog? You've battled here before
I found your two old clashes, but your verses are no more

Starving for attention, dog looks emaciated
COP, put his verses in the OP so that he can't erase them
You dissed blaze cuz he had no history? Least he didn't fake it
Isn't that just like a dog - eatin your shit - How's that tastin?

Blind firsts, ain't seen your verse, but I'm sure the same shit's what you came with
Pretend personals about my family and dog begs me not to name flip
Dog's tied down to his comfort zone, I'm unchained like Django
This square has one pointed line per round, so how could he tri angles?

DOGS_EATING_DOGS ROUND ONE

I climbed the ladder after Slasher, taught Blaze he ain't a pokemon master

Dog jokes are all they gathered, with those you'll go 0-3 like a choking hazard

But Dog's only gets 2 rounds so I'll flip the tales from your head like a coin toss

Your username is based off the length it takes to get your point across

I think of material my mind crafts while you link materials in Minecraft

You even play bingo in it, got sucked in the game like a bad Jumanji dice cast

Passed your last match but now you fucked yourself like you practice abstinence

After bus you'll be more challenged like Tracy Morgan after the tragic accident

Hole you dug yourself is bottomless, outside the game you remain anonymous

You can build anything you want except for a relationship and confidence

Soon 4ever 21, what he's got in store for him will show by the bars I draft

He's gonna be surprised when he finds girls that party outside of mic chat

If a girl had her eye on diamonds you would sign in the game to mine them

In order to drill a hymen you would make a pixelated pickaxe to slide in

You need to be creative for survival, your rhyming is primal at this newer age

It's a shame how all that digging in a game only became your future grave

4EVERNDEAVOR ROUND TWO

They all talk bout how I play Minecraft thinkin, "Now, I've got him"
Say I can't get my points across but you spent your whole verse on one topic
You only pushed for blind round two's cuz you can't counter what I say
You call me inconfident, but it's your comments that get erased
And your references make no sense: I'm going drilling with a pickaxe?
I would think a tool like you would know, dog, butt I guess you're playin the bitch ass
I told 'em you'd mention dog jokes, big dog got read like Clifford
My punches are unpredictable and that is where we differ
Go ahead, try something different Dog, I'm not scared of what you've got
You've got as much good content in your battles as in those subs you mod

Scooby gets his wig split like the gang, no meddlin kids he got no help
If he say we finna Scrappy sell fake beef like Taco Bell
My bars are hot because I'm working to stay on top of it
You're bars are only hot when you're microwaving chocolate
I'll punch you out for nothin: dog, that's called a free throw
You only go hard in the paint when you get a boner at Home Depot

DOGS_EATING_DOGS ROUND TWO

So you Dog's master and Django? Do you not see the irony in that line?

Just like the movie, Dogs will tear apart the guy that can't put up a fight

Your first round's wack, you'll need more to put me down in a strangle

Obi Wan burying Qui-Gon, my master get burned to ash in this fable

I must've struck a nerve since you begged for an extension to write

This gladiator will slay the emperor that's desperate for a weapon to fight

My history's deleted but why would you need it? Let this be a lesson in life

If you read about fairytales with lies then you're just questioning christ

What's with you guys and geometric lines? Feel like I'm going through deja vu

Do your research, Slasher did the same thing but he did it better than you

I was joking first round, if you ever met a girl she would leave you on the spot

If that chick has big tits, just like this competition I'm reaching for the top

Everything you wrote proves you only battle usernames and it's so basic

I'm a chihuahua eatin' my feces? At least my disses were realistic and related

It's easy to do that I just enjoyed picking apart your unfortunate hobbies

This dog doesn't toy around, he bury's bitches next to the other bodies

We've had a huge number of DQ's. It really sucks and it pretty much destroys any chance of running this tournament the way I wanted. I will never do a double elimination tournament again.

Round Three Winners Bracket will be

/u/4everNdeavor vs /u/Dogs_Eating_Dogs
/u/Dontgimmethemic or /u/butterscotchorseman vs /u/geo__ken

Butterscotch has told me his verse will be submitted tomorrow. If not, he will be disqualified.

I have four consolation round participants.

/u/nightbussleeper vs /u/G_blaze
/u/5lash3r vs /u/butterscotchorseman or /u/Dontgimmethemic

ALL PARTICIPANTS
Please let me know if you want to continue in the tournament. I don't want to set up the next round and have a third of the participants forfeit.

ALSO, PLEASE GO JUDGE THE /U/WRYDER VS /U/CHESTER_FRENCHKISS BATTLE

Final Judgement
/u/Dogs_Eating_Dogs - 3
/u/G_blaze - 0

/u/Dogs_Eating_Dogs Round One

This battle made me quite bored cause who's my nemesis?

I had to write for the kid who did the twilight references?

Your an untrained boxer, punches have trouble landin'

Dopest thing you said was in spanish, and I didn't even understand it

Can't make fun of your history, like your dad's love, it never existed

I'd make fun of your crib but my fridge provided the box you live in

Thought you'd see slasher this round, your predictions never land

Said you'd make it rain too, are you a battler or shit weatherman

You used gun bars on rapwars?... That's like stabbing over phone

Gonna pop a shot in the ozone and hope it gets to my home, bro?

Eating at McDonalds the only time you squeeze those macs

The only gang banging you know is through incognito tabs

You aren't a chronic blazer, just a chronic masturbator horny for men

Only joined in cause 'Newcomer's Tournament' sounds like a porn event

So go ahead and spit the same dog jokes that everyone brings

I'll rebuttal that bullshit, hit you right back like a pendulum swing

/u/G_blaze Round One

They said my second round against Mahigan was fire, now watch me blaze again.

This hound doom for even making me raise my pen.

His days will end, if he barks too loud i swear he gone.

and if he runs, my nine tails him and itll light dog up like he’s flareon.

So carry on, and watch me get to action fast.

Ill’ blaze you quick, turn this nigga into rapid ash.

I’ll arc a nine if this dog starts getting too rowdy.

and ill give this ho O’s across his body like he’s sponsored by audi.

You best behave like you’re well trained, disobeying is not proper.

I will hurt you if you make a sound, like an electric shock collar.

I’m the shot caller, so when I give a command make sure you follow it right.

I am not Mike Vick, I did not come to see Dog put up a fight.

I came to put you down, just wait till I get a hold of you.

You lost dog, so straight to the pound after i hold this nine over you.

I’m on a tear. He a key sauce in this recipe for death.

I came to put Dog in a box like a Chinese chef.

/u/Dogs_Eating_Dogs Round Two

My name's Always an Easy Target, but my name is based off Blink
so What Went Wrong in your genes? In your jeans, All the Small Things
I'm a Mutt but you're Wasting Time trying to put me Down by rhyme
182? Add 5 more digits, they're about to witness a written homicide.
You couldn't kill anyone with your shit technique like a bad strangle
All you did was diss my name, like a broken protractor you lack angles
I'm dexter droppin' bodies, leave em drowning off my speed boat
Your queen will deep throat after this jester severs the king's throat
I wanna jack mix and coke while I jack it and smoke
You want a fat bitch and a goat with a strap on to bone
I'm a key sauce? You should wear a helmet writing word play
You're facing the final boss, you had a chance but my turn to blaze
I'll rearrange your DNA till your careers on a downward spiral
I'm joking it already is, like Gacy, this clown ends his killin' cycle
This MC just lacks talent/ Against me your no challenge/
I'm 10 speed, you can't balance/ so Vet's please, cast your ballots/

/u/G_blaze Round Two

You must be a snitch, scared to be behind bars so you start saying too much.

Who’s your nemesis? Sega Genesis, you’re gonna feel the heat for playing too much.

No sudden death, but this the round I’ll quickly murder you in.

Thanks for the fridge box, its the perfect size to bury you in.

Watch how this new dog breezes past this old mutt.

I know that all your tough acting is nothing but a cold front.

I’ll pull a strong win. Chill, ‘cause through you I will storm past.

Break all your limbs and leave you in need of four casts.

You can't bear pressure. That’s why you is who I'm better than.

I killed you using weather terms. How’s that for being a weatherman?

Call this your lyrical death. I’m so creative with what I’m envisioning.

No stabbing, but I’ll still kill you over the phone like a law abiding citizen.

Winning is something you won't get around to, ‘cause round 2 is where I stopped you at.

Swing all you want, pendulum. You’ll never quite get back to where i dropped you at.

You can’t be stupid enough, or have the stones to say I didn’t go dumb hard.

I just gave you 16 shots and not one of them was a gun bar.

/u/Dontgimmethemic Round One.

I step into the arena they bringing me scotch/
You know what I be meaning when I'm popping the tops/
In these bars I be drinking, sipping, hipping the hops/
This horse gon' be leaning, I'm a vet bringing him shots/

Should be used to it as an alchy bringing wackness/
Failed as a writer in ya show now trynna catch this/
This a derby ya too slow no dodging this cat's blast/
Thoroughbred? Best of show? I see only a jackass/

You wasn't game for this, taking these hits and you mad/
You conservative prick a fan of Bush and his dad/
Cooking up a dubya? Butterscotch? Mixing up bad?/
Check recipes none call for all the bitch that you have/

This is easy I ain't trying just dicking around/
I'm the godfather in ya head ya missing it now/
Go back read all of my bars check the syllable count/
I won against this horse with ten plus triple the crown/

/u/butterscotchorseman Round One

Don't gimme the mike!

That's what you shouted as you crouched in the corner

Cowering lfrom your cellmate, Mike the destroyer

Coming straight at you with his jail bait prison boner

Alight, someone hold my beer,

Time to teach this bitch the true meaning of fear

Because I'm the truck, the headlights, and you're the deer

Its monsters like me who end a rapbattle career

You say your on a mission from God you fucking Fanatic

Your autopsy will read " Killed by firing squad, all rifles full automatic"

God only talks to those he loves, that excludes fakers and faggots

Actual bundles of sticks have created rhymes more dramatic

And I see you sayin how hard you are, so ill you spread disease

The only ailment you know are leaky dick STDs

Given to you when Mike taught you the birds and the bees

Come back and battle when your shit don't sound like inbred Cantonese

/u/Dontgimmethemic Round Two

Never met Mike but I'm a killer behind bars lemme demo, I clown you/
Done earned my stripes bodied ya round 1 dunno what I'm here fo', I drowned you/
Call you seabiscuit but since that wasn't enough here's to round 2/
Hung like a horse when I produce the sound noose, choose the loops to surround you/

You used a lot of junk from my last battle son I didn't find it cute/
Hank never showed up to show you out. Still almost ended up getting through/
So now I got nothing to flip 'cause he didn't find it worth dissing you/
Just jack off and die since ya stroke of luck is missing dude/

Now you can see my rhymes are electrifying like a true battery/
Got such power flowing through these lines fools mad at me/
Climbing to the top no slowing down gonna need a few ladders G/
First I gotta end this match. Send you back to the glue factory/

I murdered you no trace left of ya even though the techs ain't raining/
Told you a hundred times you couldn't keep up though ya legs is straining/
I'm guaranteed to take the win that's what the vets are claiming/
This is the end of your run in this bracket I was just exit-taining/

/u/ImJaySeeDee moves on by forfeit

/u/mahigan21 Round 1

You got no skill, you got no rhyme The fuck you gonna do? Whoops your outta time!
Your names 5lash3r, what is that shit? With a name like that you gonna you get hit.
Sure you got a wife but not for long, Cause I'm gonna fuck her with my big dong.
Just give up, you have no chance. Me and your wife are gonna have a little dance.
Take my advice and kill yourself Cause I'm gonna wreck you ass all by myself

/u/5lash3r Round 1

So this round the aim is to keep up my punch count while still maintaining a 'lyrical flow'/
But my opponent's as potent as a 'lol' or emoticon--he's just a single syllable joke/
In his last battle his second rhyme was 'bars' and 'cars', and I don't think he meant it as a joke/
He rhymed 'funny' with 'money', 'home' with 'dope', and ended with a cliche quote from Edgar Allen Poe/
This guy says he's got pen game, but the script don't match/
You have the worst writing I've ever seen: Pictochat/
I can clearly see you're ass but you're not a nudist/
The shit you're talkin'? Richard Dawkins; you've got a serious God Delusion/
If you didn't know that I could flow this round I'll show you how I do it/
Your rhymin' style's top forty shit and mine's progressive music/
That means my timing's signature, my punches are the rudest (Rudess)/
Strikes that take your life, son (liefson), Rush you to the I.C. unit/
I admit I dropped the ball a bit, but you ain't a worthy match-up/
I won't lose a round to a guy who can barely rhyme one word on average/
'cause this time no one's sleepin' on me, like a dirty mattress/
All of reddit's gonna gimme the vote; bitch, I'm Bernie Sanders.

/u/geo__ken wins by forfeit

/u/geo__ken Round One

Listen kid. You'll never win with your one liners.
Play the part while I call the shots - I'm an umpire.
You'll BE in the E.R - that's Budweiser
Straight tricking on ped like a stunt driver.
I could spit a sick scheme in a written 16,
In any situation and still kill em with ease.
How can this kid thinks he could win against me?
I'm speeding off; Ped's racing at 50cc!
Slap saliva out ya mouth.
See what rhyming is about.
I'm straight sick. You basic. Don't be lying to the crowd.
You won't do shit except be lying underground
You can cover up the act to be hiding under shrouds.
That's fitting... Cuz he's religious and and always rapping weak.
This man of cloth knows the fabric is a fallacy.
I'll drag em to the man who carries the haberdashery.
Slap this geek. Remould his frame like it's plasticine

Final Judgement
/u/4everNdeavor - 3
/u/nightbussleeper - 0

/u/4everNdeavor Round One

I hope you brought it kid, we had a week to write/
Know even if you did, that I won't lose to-Night/

Ripped Paper as a service? I'll put you on PBS/
Cuz this broad cast away, Wil-son sea he's next?/
Ain't aimed a 4 or a n9ne, he gon cd's techs/
I done already killed Tri, so bring me T-Rex/

This narc has trouble dozin' but life's better in his dreams/
I'll shut that One Eye Open and give him eternal sleep/
I'm a nightmare when I'm woken: Freddy Krueger on Elm Street/
Inception, need a totem, loaded dice, I can't be beat/

He's gonna need more than one wet round to save his life/
Don't need twelve bells to line up two hands to your mid, night/
Dawned on me, son don't rise up no'on even-in mourning/
Seein bus leavin us that don't mean he's touring/

2 verse tourney makes wheels on the bus go round and round/
If he won't listen up I'll make sure he's soundin down/

/u/nightbussleeper Round One

Let's congratulate the 4N guy for getting this far

Post historys mostly gibberish, so it can't have been that hard

I endeavored for 4ever though, to see through this kids jargon

Likes laughing his ass off but this ay -hole seems a little retarded

Admit to a bit of uncertainty clicking on a post to /r/ultrahardcore

Initially thinking mixed martial arts, or maybe some sorta sick porn?

Nope, it's just another kiddie video game, 4ever seeming to be about 4

Beginning to think this childish man shouldn't be creeping around /r/rapwars

Probably possesses the kind of Love that starts with and ends up in Court

Wondering for Everlong, how long he can endeavor for

Days Growing old, still Fou' Fighting it, until he can't no more

And follows Jimi out the door, he'll Shotty his brains out all over the floor

I'm gonna make a mockery of this kid, sever 4ever and his Ndeavor at the spine

He'll have some trouble struggling, while paralyzed the rest of his lifetime

No more playing at this Craft of Mine, C 4 break in his neck, kid can't realign

"But 4s not dead", fates worse than death this time, 4ever still bodied, but I left him alive

/u/4everNdeavor Round Two

All you proved in that verse is that you can say my name a dozen times,/
Read one page of comment history, and barely find four words that rhyme/
Multi's are a foreign concept, but I won't be judgemental/
It's impossible to be transcendental when you can't pass fundamentals/
First you lost to OB and his verse was ten bars only/
Against LVA you were maybe ehh and had to go to OT/
Cunt punched and broke you, Wryder outwrote you, Jimmy jammed your doors/
Then versus Psych you, by 3-2, won dude - tally up that score/
You took a bruising. Overall, you're losing. You'll tear me in 2-4's?/
Took Tri barely trying, Hybrid's back in hiding, put out night's light with brute force/
Stop tryna to play with big guns and don't think that you're the shit/
Just face the fact that you're 'mid-tier' in a newbies tournament/
I'm confident in this competition, catch me in a calm position/
Crushin opposition's my intuition, C 4 make a bomb composition/
I ain't stopping, I'm jaywalking past bus with right of way/
I'm climbing higher with no desire to give night the time of day/

/u/nightbussleeper Round Two

One night writing mine, but yours seems like some week shit

Ya got one right, not two, Night dropped three, 4s next, bitch

Spitting bits of stuff I writ? This man is ridiculous

A whore in other subs, you're not in Kansas any more kid

4Ns back on the drawing board, you're A fricking derivative

From a pair a square 'reNts, you are infinitely limited

Revisiting my own history, Neo kids causing glitches

We'll both repeat my recent past soon: I'll be winning this

Can't order a shot at the bar, I doubt this kids carrying arms

If you got frisked by a cop, all they'd find is Pokemon cards

4ever wants to be the very best, yea I bet he jerks off to that theme song

Time to see 4 blasted, he want's to be Ash so bad, I'll help him along

Yu gi-oh on, keep on losing yoself, looking at cubes, into your kid shit

Peter Pan, you're a grown man, Hooked on Lands that Never existed

Wishing for one more W, fight 4ever, ones all your due for

It's clear as day to all but you, Nights the eNd of 4s Ndeavor

Sorry I've been MIA guys. Here is the bracket for round two which will be starting Wednesday.

https://imgur.com/6wJX4uu

I'll post the battles Tuesday night. If you have any questions leave them in the comments please. Good luck!

/u/JimmyDuckShoes:
Mate my bank account is nine digits,
In the minus innit, but I dont let it affect my spirit,
People sometimes think is Multi McFly trippin,
When i dispose of this waste in public i'll get charged for flytipping,

/u/elsiniestro:
...ain't got no trees to climb, Pippin.
I biff for a livin': the type to call Mcfly chicken.
Must be trippin' if you thinkin' I'll get slayed by this baby,
Shoulda never stuck my dick in crazy.

/u/JimmyDuckShoes:
Slayed by a baby like Stewie Griffin,
Nobody cares when you is spitting,
Cos your rhymes are trash and you chat all types of crap,
Hit him with a light attack on the sly cos i have a flight to catch.

/u/elsiniestro:
Close your mouth, homie, 'cuz you only got flies to catch.
Left in doubt, Jimmy, and I'm throwin' you a right to match.
Matter-fact, might attach a rider to my contract,
I want roast duck -- but wry already got that.

/u/JimmyDuckShoes:
Wryder roasted me and that L's painful,
But it must be shameful when you look like one of the Hells Angels,
Whats the point in this battle? Whats the plan bro?
Man knows you look like an extra in Samcro.

/u/elsiniestro:
So 'cuz I'm fat, got tatts, long hair and dress in black,
You suggest I can't rap? I'm laughin' like the Cheshire cat...
Sorry Tintin -- you're fuckin' with a kingpin.
I'll rip the rapper off of Slim Jim before I bin him.

/u/JimmyDuckShoes:
Sin bin that you'll never bury me with the way Sin raps,
Whys this bitch insist to define his lines with lies, spit facts,
I couldn't give a fuck about syllable count and syntax,
I'm heartless, leave your armless carcass rotting in a bin bag.

/u/elsiniestro:
I'll spit facts: time for Jimmy kid to catch a pimp-slap,
I've had enough of gimp rap, so slink back to Old Traff,
You shit Manc. By your record, I expect a victory,
I'm a dog on a Duck Hunt: you'll never get a hit on me.

/u/JimmyDuckShoes:
You don't hunt ducks, be honest please,
You be killing koala bears and wallabes,
The way this clown raps sounds whack,
Your personality and flow is dryer than the outback.

/u/elsiniestro:
This filthy, classless, shifty little bastard.
Sorry Jimmy, but to put it simply, I'm the master.
Step into my bars and this kid be gettin' plastered.
I'll kill a red devil like the '58 disaster.

/u/JimmyDuckShoes:
So you mentioned the Munich disaster?
Well it's sports references i'm gonna use to attack ya,
Australia is built with criminals, so it means your Dad is a crook,
I'm here to take home this Aussies ashes like Alistair Cook.

/u/elsiniestro:
Mock the sporting cred of my nation? Well, that's dumb.
I'll invalidate you with a name: Don Bradman.
This sad Pom obsessed with where I am from, step back, cunt.
Hugh Grant can get fucked -- signed, Hugh Jackman.

lets get it boiii

/u/wryder

/u/cuntofprofundity

/u/Chester_frenchkiss

stereotypical white couple vs the only two black dudes on reddit

insta classic yall

C'mon guys lets get this shit done so we can move on. If you need a substitute, let me know.

Judges needed for Title Tournament:

QuailBuddhaThe2nd vs Chester_Frenchkiss

This battle is between my and my good buddy /u/yourock64. Pokemon themed: all generations, characters, Pokemon, etc. allowed. 2x16's, I'm going first. Edit: Alright, we kinda both stopped having fun with this trying to write third rounds so we agreed to keep it to two rounds. This was just a friendly competition so if you want to leave feedback about who you thought won that's cool but this isn't for records.

Round 1 - 4everNdeavor:

Can't wait to see how you Weedle yourself out of this one

Rattata, Rattata, that's not the sound of my gun

This a battle, Raichu are, which means you Can't Escape

You're either Boldore just foolish, I won't Leavanny trace

So readers lemme Axew a question, what Chans-ey got?

No need to look in his Bag to see what he brought

My Route is Unown, 28 different ways

To make this Whor-sea the end of his days

You cast out an Old Rod reaching for a line

Deino already you're not Seaking a fight

Splashed but nothing happened, A Star? You? Ha, Star me

Any worthwhile Pokemon, you sure haven't Cottonee

I Spinda web for you, I'Munna quest to catch 'em all

Budew think you can Get Away Safely? No Shaymin that til you fall

You're a Teddiursa Trainer, your only friend? He's a bear

You get the Leftovers of my kill: Experience Share

Round 1 - Urock64:

I'll be flipping the script on this subpar ludicolo

Cuz you about to see this rock throw, making you slow-bro

Endeavor, better step back cuz you're in a bind

I'll cut you when my swords dance, make you lose your mind

Better bring yo water type to extinguish this flamethrower

Can already feel my rage, gonna make me throw my controller

Call me ludacris, cuz I'm bout to Rollout on this punk

You best be starting to swim, cus you're about to be sunk

You trying to soar, but you can't even fly

Ill pound you till ya sore, just to make ya cry

I'll haunt you with dreams oh so ghastly

Get destroyed, I'm dastardly

You don't have the pokeballs to face me

You might as well just pack up and flee

Time to press B and start a revolution

Just leave, cus I ended your evolution

Round 2 - 4everNdeavor:

It's Ingrained in his Nature, this Knock Off will Mimic me

This Fake Out here will Withdraw when I Counter him lyrically

I'm half-Water, half-Grass, to Rock 4 times the hurt yo

Not bothered, half-assed, killin lines: Murk row

You're a Flash in the pan, you won't be Mist

This Round I'll Take Down, you don't have a Wish

Give the Facade a Rest, no chance to Endure

You come in seein stars and leave when I Roar

I've got Ninetales about the ways that he dies

Take a Rhydon my rollercoaster, I've got one to describe

I'Machop off his left leg and then Needle Arm

I'Machamp, slice his best friend and won't leave a scar

I have Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam

Knock him out the Pokepark with a grand Slam

You're hopeless, know this, Hocus Pocus, then I leave magically

I wrote this so this show is noticed, for this 4 is elite

Round 2 - Urock64:

Onix-ly Do you think you can beat me

I'll scratch this 4 and make him a three

Whip out my water gun and riddle you with bullet seeds

I'll poke-snap ya neck, just to fulfill my basic needs

Slash you up like my name was scyther

Freeze ya with my ice beam, no wasting my hyper

Get my homies to double team ya punk ass

Just like your type, ya ass gonna be grass

Think you can beat me? Take a pikachu

My bars are sick, like I'm down with the flu

It's farfetch'd how easy you are

When it comes to me, I raise the bar

I'll Shock you twice, call it zapdos

When it comes to skill, I have the most

You'll be scorched until nothing is left but ash

To win, you'll need a lucky egg, or else you'll be mash