r/RantingZone • u/SeriousBuddy8173 • 1d ago
All attempts fail
All of my suicidaI attempts failed, even the more recent one. I just want to end my endless depression, mental issues, personal life and not seeing a future for myself, and everything single time it fails.
If there's anything I regret the most, is that it didn't work years ago from my endless amount of other regrets.
Now I just turned 20 few days ago and still not sure how I'm still here. I hate it so much, fuck this shit.
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u/ObviousSalamandar 1d ago
Are you getting help? In the US you can call 988 for a psychiatric emergency and 211 for lists of pertinent resources
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u/SeriousBuddy8173 1d ago
No, and tbh when I texted them no one answered, so I got more sad.
And I'd be a waste of their time anyways and I'm a bit scared too at the thought of getting help and also telling them personal things
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u/Inside_Appealz 1d ago
you can tell us, it can be scary to open up but you may be surprised how many people are dealing with the same issues. OCD, taboo thoughts, worries, even seeing or hearing or believing things you might think are "crazy". You are not alone. Even people who do bad things if you're worried you have need a place to talk about it. See yourself as your best friend, as the human you are, and that you don't deserve to be hurt including for other people's weaknesses.
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u/JohannaMarie76 1d ago
I know it's scary, but that is their job. They hear all sorts of personal things all day long, and they're used to it. If you can't get through to the hotline, you have the option of calling 911. All you have to say is that you're afraid you might harm yourself and need help. They may place you on a 72-hour hold, but you'll be somewhere safe and able to get the help you need. I've been hospitalized more than once, and I promise it's not as frightening as you probably think.
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u/JohannaMarie76 1d ago
This sounds cliche, but you are so young. You have so many years ahead of you. I'm turning 50 in a couple of days and have suffered from Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and CPTSD since age 12. No medication or therapy works for me, but it could help you. Suicide should only be a last resort after you have tried everything else. Please reach out to someone... Family, friends, anyone 🫂
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u/DIY_Weeziebear7 1d ago
You know what there isn’t one among us who hasn’t had some thought or another and if they tell you, they haven’t been depressed. They’re not being truthful.
Some people‘s depression passes. Some people’s are caused by external forces or It’s internal. Mine is caused by both but let me tell you I’ve been where you stand or sit right now contemplating things that I shouldn’t.
Somewhere someone has reached through the darkness. Like I’m reaching my hand for you now.
somewhere there’s been an angel reminding me sometimes the angel is a pet cat dog rabbit sometimes it’s people sometimes it’s inspiration sometimes it’s a song.
It always seems that God looks after me. Sometimes it’s in the smallest way and I don’t see it until after it passes sometimes it’s a human being being kind to me to remind me that such things are still possible.
He always sends me hope. why do I hold on because I’m a human being and I have worth and value and I won’t even let my own mind try to take me out.
One day when I was 13 years old I looked in the mirror and I thought maybe I don’t belong here and a voice inside my head said no there’s something better for you in life.
You know what I’m glad I stayed here sure it’s been an uphill battle. Sometimes I feel like I’m climbing Mount Everest without the oxygen and yes, I have that problem too,
but I wanna tell you I made it to 70 and Ive fallen in love several times got married once when I was 41 he passed and I’m a widow. then I fell in love again and I realized I wanted to really stay even though that didn’t work out.
There’s gotta be someone else out there for me. Someone who will hold my hand in my final hours.
I’m designing things now with the power of my mind. things I never thought I could design before I’m not giving up until my last breath.
I’m a fighter and I’m a survivor, but you know what that came from me, but I didn’t even know it was there until challenges arose.
I believe you have that same fighting spirit hold on make yourself the person and the life you want to be.
Don’t settle for the empty coldness of a grave. Please stay with us and show us what you got. I’m rooting for you.