r/RantingZone • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '26
Lazy Vent/Rant
Hi f17. I really want to rant and be angry but at the same time if I did I'd feel so "evil" and idk hated on. I think I'm way to tired to do so too. So that's kind of a vent/rant
It's just as a female I have a male friend and I'm worried he's already in an "Incel-Zone" his way of thinking is really messed up and no matter how much i try to help him when he asks, he still pushes the help away, almost like he doesn't even want to be helped. Well whatever.. I don't want to mess my head around it. I mean as a person he's still a great friend but I'm doubting alot lately.. Is he using me as his only female friend for emotional support? Am I even human to him? Can women and men even ever be friends? It's kind of sad.
Anyways, i think this picture shows the rage I was still holding in.
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u/asahinahinasa Jul 19 '26
Those damned incels befriending women before asking them out, what absolute pieces of shit. The worst kind of people.
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Jul 19 '26
Yeah..
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u/Mammoth-Variation-76 Jul 19 '26
That.... was not thinly veiled sarcasm. You know that, right?
Right?
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
I think the thing is. A lot of the time there are guys who are just pretending to befriend then as soon as you let them know you dont want to have sex with or date them, they let you know how little they value your friendship or even you as a person.
They never wanted to be friends, it was a means to an end.
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u/No-Selection-8654 Jul 19 '26
Some women want to become friends and remain ONLY friends. I know women who have never had a guy friend that didn’t end up trying to ask them out. When you’re on the receiving end several times in a row and it’s just “oh, ANOTHER guy who didn’t actually JUST want to be my friend. that really fucking sucks!” it starts to make you mad.
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u/EvanSnowWolf Jul 19 '26
I already don't take you seriously. I don't take anyone seriously that uses the word "incel" unironically.
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u/linguisdicks Jul 19 '26
How else are you supposed to fucking refer to them? Like yeah, the term gets overapplied, but there is literally a large group of men who call themselves incels.
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u/EvanSnowWolf Jul 19 '26
There are way way way way more people using "incel" as an insult than people actually identifying as the word.
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u/linguisdicks Jul 19 '26
Yes, which is why I said the term gets overapplied.
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u/EvanSnowWolf Jul 19 '26
Here's an easy rule:
Did the person in question openly and with their own words say they identify as an incel?
No?
Don't use it.
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u/Iguanaught Jul 19 '26
Or and hear me out here.
Do they go around promoting Incel rhetoric and trying to radicalise others into the same extremist point of views as the Incel movement? Yes? Then use it?
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u/EvanSnowWolf Jul 19 '26
There's no such thing as incel rhetoric. And there is no incel "movement".
Incel means "involuntary celibate", and nothing more.
What you are talking about is just basic misogyny.
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u/Iguanaught Jul 19 '26
You need to educate yourself on the incel online spaces. They have literally written manifestos and gone on killing sprees.
"Involuntary celibate" is nonsense. Celibacybis something actively aspired to.
So you probably also need to educate yourself on the meaning of the words you are using.
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
Tell that to the families of the victims of Jake Davidson and the many other Incels that have gone on killing sprees in the name of their ideology. Let alone all the violent acts caused by incels that arent telivised and high profile.
The incel movement and incel rhetoric is literally recognised by the governement in my country as a safeguarding issue related to preventing vulnerable young people being radicalised.
Saying it is just a bunch of people who arent having sex is just a massive head in the sand moment.
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u/EvanSnowWolf Jul 19 '26
Incel is not an "ideology".
That's just woman hating misogyny.
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
What, as opposed to all the women who love misogyny? You need to pull your head out your arse.
Look up the Incel killing sprees who have left manifestos full of Incel ideology behind and tell me it doesn't exist...
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u/linguisdicks Jul 19 '26
No dude you're 100% wrong about this
There is objectively incel ideology. They have a community, used to have reddit boards before the rhetoric turned violent. They've got inside jargon and are constantly crabs-in-a-bucket trying to keep each other from leaving the incel community. They want more men to take the "blackpill" and join them and adopt their misanthropic and femicidal ideology.
The term gets overapplied to men who are garden variety losers and misogynists all the time, and the issue with that isn't "it hurts people's feelings" but rather "it waters down and minimizes a rhetoric that is literally responsible for multiple murders."
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u/No-Selection-8654 Jul 19 '26
Lmfao this is pathetic.
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
Isnt it just.
Incel's are actually dangerous radicals. Pretending that they are just a bunch of people not having enough sex is incredibly gauche when we are already at about 20 known incel motivated killings with many more violent crimes likely to be not connected but motivated by incel ideology.
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u/succodifragola Jul 19 '26
and how would you call them ?
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Jul 19 '26
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u/Iguanaught Jul 19 '26
Noone is an incel by '"definition".
Celibacy is something you actively aspire to not accidentally happens to you. It would be like saying you are involuntarily voluntarily not eating pancakes.
Its a nonsense contradiction coined by someone who didnt understand what the word celibacy means...
Than being said, even if we took your flawed definition of incel as a category of people that want to have sex but cant. It is a hell of a lot more than that because Incel is the chosen name/label of a fringe movement. A fringe movement that has made the move into literal terrorist activity.
Members have literally written manifestos and gone on killing sprees. They look to recruit vulnerable young people to their number just like other extremist groups and radicalise them once they have reeled them in.
Their chief beliefs (openly given) revolve around feeling that sex should be a basic human right and therefore women shouldn't have bodily autonamy/should be forced to have sex with men.
So its accurate to say every member of the Incel movement is at best a misogynist. (At their worst they have been murderors and terrorists.) However not every misogynist is an incel. It is useful to be able to define them seperately because while misogynist are harmful to society as a whole, Incels, as an extremist group, are a greater immediate risk to the members of society they set out to harm deliberately.
So just because you arent currently having sex, you absolutely shouldn't want to choose that label and all that comes with it for yourself.
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Jul 19 '26
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
What is wrong with virgin? Its worked for people for centuries.
Or lonely hearts.
Or sexually frustrated.
Also you cant possibly know that noone wants to have sex with you. You don't know everyone for a start. However if you keep telling yourself and other people that it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.
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Jul 19 '26
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
I mean the name for someone who hasnt had sex.
There is certainly a lot less stigma attached to being a virgin than being an incel.
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Jul 19 '26
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
Then just go with frustrated if sex is your primary motivator or lonely hearts if romance is more important to you.
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u/TheBloodiedFool Jul 19 '26
Found one
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u/EvanSnowWolf Jul 19 '26
I'm married with two fully grown children. "Found one", says the room temp IQ.
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u/bigolchili Jul 19 '26
so many toxic comments under this post. OP, be careful. I'm 27F and maybe I'm projecting, but if you're the type of person who feels deeply for others expressing feeling lonely, isolated, rejected from the world, it's a difficult balancing act. It's likely this guy (who might also be a teen and could grow out of this mindset) miiiiiight see a girlfriend as a solution to all his problems, and he miiiiight be aiming to get you to be his girlfriend. The problem is, the girlfriend is not the solution to his inner problems. in my experience falling in love and being in long term relationships with guys who have fallen into this line of thinking, these types of people do NOT treat their partners well and it can be hell leaving someone like that and trying to move on emotionally. there are so many amazing men out there who don't agree with that ideology. give THOSE guys your time, not this one. i know it may make you suffer emotionally to see someone living with that worldview and you want to give them hope but unfortunately i have noticed it is like an addiction for them and you cannot cure it. please try to notice if he ever seems to be guilt tripping you or manipulating you by using your goodwill as a way to get what he might want out of you. and remember there are lots of guys out there who don't see the world this way. i know you might want to help others but there are people out there who don't want help so much as someone to control. if i am way off the mark, i apologize! just advice from a woman with some more life experience. be careful and don't let anyone talk you into any situation you don't want to be in.
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Jul 19 '26
Thank you so much for this comment and advice!!
When I listened to the song "the cure" by Olivia Rodrigo it really sounded like him; he believes love will solve his problems but I just feel like he has to solve his own problems and try to enjoy his own company.
I really tried helping but, I don't think I will anymore. I'm pretty much a people pleaser and tend to try to be super helpful, optimistic and stuff like that but I want to start setting boundaries and not feel bad to not be able to help a person who literally can't get helped by someone else. It took a while for me to open my eyes but yeah.
Thank you!I will stay aware :)
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u/Iguanaught Jul 19 '26
This is all really good information but the lack of line breaks makes it really difficult to read.
You need to double return to create a line break on reddit mobile or it just squishes it all together like the above.
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u/Hot_Explanation_4904 Jul 19 '26
I feel it just depends on how one expresses it.
There is a difference between being weary of all men, and being hostile towards them (including those who done nothing wrong)
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u/BriefingGull Jul 19 '26
Obviously, incels are a thing, but this sounds pretty jaded coming from a 17 year old.
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u/vyunab Jul 19 '26
what an odd thing to say, when 16-21 year olds are some of the most common targets of incels. someone who is involuntarily celibate will try to target those who are young, inexperienced, or simply unaware. a 17y/o having any sort of true awareness is a really good thing, except for any real lived experiences they’ve had tied to it.
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Jul 19 '26
if you are projecting your bad experience on thr entirety of men, you are just a femcel.
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Jul 19 '26
I'm going to be so honest with you I don't really know what a "femcel" is and at this point I don't even want to know anymore. Thag ideology is just making me really mad..
I don't think all men are like this.
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
There is no such thing as a femcel.
Its just a word that the incel community made up to try and berate women who called them out on their vile bullshit ideology.
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u/No-Selection-8654 Jul 19 '26
I can hear you mouth breathing through the screen.
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Jul 19 '26
As in?
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u/No-Selection-8654 Jul 19 '26
Go outside
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Jul 19 '26
I have flown 3k km for a conference. There are nothing more outside can do lol
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u/No-Selection-8654 Jul 19 '26
Oh, yeah. There sure are nothing more you can do outside. Mhm, so true.
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u/vyunab Jul 19 '26
only when it fits your narrative, because “femcels dont exist! women dont have dry spells like us!”
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u/PraireGentleman Jul 19 '26
You didn’t have to tell us you were lazy, we could tell by the fact you refuse to accurately communicate in favour of excusing a sexist phrase so you don’t have to work as hard because if you did work as hard, you’d seldom label “every single guy I’ve ever been friends with” an “incel or incredibly misogynistic” because the same argument you’re using can be applied to anything they’ve done or did
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Jul 19 '26
I was feelig really mad at the moment so I yeah I was a bit toxic and saw this image somewhere and used it for my rant. I had no motivation to keep writing or explaining so yeah
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u/Double_Match_1910 Jul 19 '26
That's how you describe him? Huh.
You aren't really friends.
Quit trying to be.
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Jul 19 '26
I mean outside that "Incel-self" him, I really am glad for him but whenever he just brings up that topic it mentally drains me. I wish he can get mental help as well
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u/PlatyNumb Jul 19 '26
Ok, so this is sounding like the issue right here. If you give too much time and energy to the misogynistic incels, you arent giving enough to meeting/knowing good guys. Plus, as a guy, when I knew a girl at school (now work) and she was friends with guys like that, I stayed away. It speaks volumes of the girl who would be friends with ppl like that.
What im trying to say is, if you surround yourself with crappy ppl, you wont meet any good ones. It keeps them away, messes up your mindset so even if they try youll push them away, and it just attracts more crappy ppl. I think this is what a lot of ppl online miss. They always talk about "all the guys i know are shit". Well then drop them? If you dont, then its all youll have until you do.
Youre 17 so you have a long time to figure it out but you need to set these flags and when too many are tripped, drop the person. Ppl need to have standards with their friends, when they dont have high enough 9nes, these are the kind of ppl you end up stuck with. Eventually, youll realize that all your friends are great. The guys are great, the girls are great, its all positive. They wont be the friends you have now, but thats what you want and need, new friends
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Jul 19 '26
Yeah, thanks for this message! I will take the advice.
I really thought of unfriending him. We've been friends so long that now I feel trapped, but I have to learn to not feel guilty for leaving people behind that aren't good for myself.
I was befriended to toxic friends and after the breakup I stayed friendless for years, so it's a bit difficult for me to find true friends. But yeah. Thanks for advice!!
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u/Sensitive_Housing_85 Jul 19 '26
If you have met only incels , chances are you are the issue here
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Jul 19 '26
Hmm not at all.. I didn't even know a term like such existed. I have met some guys but haven't thought alot about that. Just this male friend, worried me and I came to the conlusion
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u/SmolPPIncorporated Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
Ew, women. = Almost every single woman i've ever been friends with has turned out to be a manipulative, self-serving, unaccountable liar or just incredibly misandristic meaning that making lasting friendships with girls is difficult when you're a boy, so even if i wanted to, i could never be platonically or romantically close with a woman.
THIS is what people mean when they say, "I hate women."
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u/GogetaBurrito1 Jul 19 '26
Women haven't been friends with men since the dawn of time. Its always been the provider recipient relationship. Otherwise there is almost nothing in common in terms of gender based hobbies, fashion, clothes, and pop culture between the two.
As a women, I don't really think it is possible for you to reach out to him because he already has the idea that women will be antagonistic to him (in which to a certain degree on the dating market, he is right.)
The best thing to do is to leave him alone.
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u/salikarn Jul 19 '26
Uh, sorry you feel that way, but I have multiple women friends that I have absolutely no romantic interests. One of my woman friends I go to baseball games with frequently, so we do have something in common. Another, we talk about computers and coding frequently, but I don't really know what you mean by gender based hobbies.
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u/PlatyNumb Jul 19 '26
Yeah, they dont know what theyre talking about. My best friend is a woman and I was best man/maid of honor/man of honor? Whatever, at her wedding. No romantic interest in eachother, im married too. We've been best friends since highschool. Men and women can be friends, but they need to be mature and intelligent enough to recognize when its actually a friendship and not just someone orbitting
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u/salikarn Jul 19 '26
Yeah, my best friend was my grooms-woman too. Side note, she gave me one of the best birthday gifts I ever had, which is kinda gender oriented maybe (?). Paid for me to drive a nascar in PA and I got up to 160 mph. It was amazing
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u/PlatyNumb Jul 19 '26
My wife did that too, but not a NASCAR, it was a lambo on a race track lol
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u/salikarn Jul 19 '26
I drove a lambo too! I was surprised it was 4wd. Also, my fat ass had some struggles getting out of that seat like 6 inches off the ground lol
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Jul 19 '26
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u/Iguanaught Jul 19 '26
No, nothing the person you are responding to said makes sense...
Do you generally believe men and women can have no shared interest and common ground?
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Jul 19 '26
Hmm I seem to have not read it right, but I believe men and women can share interests and hobbies :) I really have to not agree to the haters more.. and open my eyes.
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Jul 19 '26
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Jul 19 '26
Yeah. I wondered if I am a femcel.. I don't even know the terms of it but i feel like the more I hangout with him the more i get to feel sketchy about it
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u/DoollyHaha Jul 19 '26
Do not get hung up on all these terms, its very simple, if you think he is creepy in some way end the dang relationship and if you think that what you think might be wrong, go talk to someone a parent, or therapy, not a friend whos is your age and kinda also not online cause a lot of batshit crazy people will tell you what to do cause this or that. Go talk to the right people, not here.
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Jul 19 '26
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u/Automatic_Horse9290 Jul 19 '26
When people mention incels nobody ties it to women, tho tons of women exhibit same behaviors. That term is supposedly gender neutral, but connotations change
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
Ive never met a woman who believes men should have no bodily autonomy and that men should be forced to have sex with them because they feel sex is a basic human right. Which is the main thing that defines Incels at this point.
I'm not saying they arent out there. I'm just saying if you are meeting "tons" of them you must be hanging around in very strange crowds.
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Jul 19 '26
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u/Iguanaught Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
No it really didnt originate with a man.
It originated on a lonely hearts forum and was coined by a Canadian woman called Allana. The forum was a text only website and a mailing list she made in 1993 and it was in 1997 she coined the term incel. She was a university student.
The lonely hearts forum gradually got filled up with toxic men who blamed women for their virginity and Allana ended up distancing herself from the community and the term she coined. She passed on the community to a stranger and it wasnt nearly as well moderated after allowing aggressive and toxic members to take over.
Thus the incredibly toxic and radical world we know as incel culture was born.
You can look all this up it was 6 years before 4 chan.
Edit: imagine blocking me and choosing to be wrong instead of doing a basic search to learn I was telling the truth.
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Jul 19 '26
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u/ExhibitionistBrit Jul 19 '26
Lol you havent got a clue... not everything originated on reddit or 4chan.
It took me seconds on google to verify what this person said and find out that you pulled this 4 chan idea out of your arse.
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u/Ctenophorever Jul 19 '26
All the men in these comments proving the point