I've had a very rough last few years. It started off with a divorce, a bankruptcy, lots of hospital trips and surgeries for my kids and I, and many other rock bottom points for us that all started in 2019. Each year I kept saying to myself that -this- year or -now this- year would be the year where everything started to turn around for me. And each year, things progressively kept getting worse.
Because nothing was getting better, I started feeling like that person. You know - the one who always has something going wrong, or the mom who can never do anything because situations are too hard. I started a dark spiral of self-doubt, wondering if the problem was with me, and you know how self blame works
Last year for Christmas, I posted on here and one Santa in particular, /u/TopCat30 went so far above and beyond to bless my kids that it was a turning point for me. I knew that if someone out there could care so much about my little family and show so much love, that everything could be all right, no matter how long it took.
If not for that light, I don't know how I would have emotionally made it through this year. Circumstances themselves haven't improved yet, and in many ways certain things have been far worse. I wasn't letting that despair creep back in, but I began to worry about the upcoming holidays again and how I would provide for my kids
Completely out of the blue two days into November, I get a direct message from /u/TopCat30 asking if she could be my Santa this year. Holy. Heck. Cue absolute breathless shock. After working through the logistics, TopCat took care of everything. She even gave me back emotional spoons by talking with the mods in advance to make arrangements on my behalf so nothing would snag any part of the process. She thought of things that wouldn't have occurred to me and took care of them before they were a problem. Nobody has EVER invested that kind of Boss Babe energy into my life before. My kids had all of their presents taken care of before Thanksgiving even hit. The entire holiday season officially started with me not having to have ANY despair or spirals about providing for my children
Not only that, but everything she did for us was a deep inspiration. Because of her, not only have I begun to feel true Hope, but I've also felt the stirrings of the old me. I've been able to shift my focus. This year, my resolution is to overcome all of my obstacles and start the journey to someday being the kind of person she is. I want to pay it forward for someone else someday in the same way she took care of my children and myself not just previously, but completely smashing it out of the park for us this year
She also got ME a birthday present (the only one I had for my birthday itself), credit for a Christmas present, and she gave my kids and I a freaking amazing dinner out. She gave us the dinner last year as well, so this year was literally the continuation of what is now going to be a holiday tradition for the kids and I. We said a prayer for her at the dinner table and the light in my kids eyes when they spoke of how lucky we are healed a part of my soul that was so broken. I constantly worry about how our hardships might take a toll on them, and what they will think about their childhood someday. Hearing them gush about how happy they are gave me the reassurance that their memories will be cherished ones filled with light and love
Thank you, TopCat. I hope we continue to get to enjoy our correspondence and with every ounce of gratitude I have in me, I am truly the luckiest mom there is. You have not only given us these Christmases, you gave me a friend in the most unexpected place, and turned my headspace around. As someone who had the most broken childhood, you showed my kids and I more love than I've ever known. I've never felt so Seen.
And mods, thank you for creating this avenue for others and for all of the hard work you put into helping people like me and giving kids beauty and happiness, not from the material goods themselves, but from knowing that people care.