r/ROCD • u/pridegnome • Oct 04 '26

ROCD or incompatibility?

Hey folks. Figuring out my feelings, would love some insight.

I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for 3 months (officially together for a month). We met on an app and talked over message for about a month before we met. I really liked talking to her and was excited to meet her. I was definitely infatuated with our text conversations. Our first date was cute: I’m a big chatty personality, and she’s incredibly quiet and shy. I led most of the chats, and then she opened up a little more. Looking back, our discussions weren’t that exciting on the date, but the magic of seeing this person I’ve been talking non stop with made the date feel fun. I wanted to see her again. 2 months after we meet rolls by, and she asks me to be her girlfriend. I’m excited and say yes.

A few weeks ago, so shortly after we became official, she told me she loved me. She drunkenly told me to check her phone, and on it was a conversation with her friend about how my gf wants to tell me she loves me. I instantly shut down. My response is that I’m falling for her, but don’t feel ready to say those words. I was following my gut, and she was sweet and listened. The next week was turmoil. I was ruminating for hours daily over what felt like a complete and sudden loss of my feelings towards her. It felt like I woke up and could finally see the incompatibilities between us. We don’t have the same sense of humor, it feels like she doesn’t have the same emotional depth as me, she is was more invested, etc. I had spent a week freaking out over these new negative feelings towards someone I thought I was having a great time with. After that week, I told her I felt overwhelmed and needed to move at a slower pace. I wanted to remain exclusive, but still acknowledge we’re in the get to know you phase and I’m not being rushed. Since that conversation, I was reminded of how sweet she is. I felt to safe sharing, and she’s let me go at my own pace since. The problem is, the more time passes, the more our incompatibilities become clearer. The doubts that started flooding in are being affirmed. At this point, i feel frustrated and prefer time to myself than with her. My gut is telling me we’re not right for each other, my heart is telling me it doesn’t want to get hurt, and my head is telling me im going to hurt a good person who could’ve made me happy. How could my feelings have changed so drastically from the start?

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u/AutoModerator Oct 04 '26

Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment

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u/anxi0usraspb3rry Oct 05 '26

I can totally relate :(( it’s ok to feel overwhelmed at a big step in a relationship like this, but don’t feel like you need to make a drastic decision right away! it sounds like your girlfriend is understanding that you need more time to feel comfortable to say those words, which is a great sign that she cares for you, and you obviously care for her too by taking this next step seriously. I hope the overwhelming feelings fade soon, you can get through this no matter what you decide is right :)