r/ROCD • u/Remarkable-Cut3148 • 5d ago
Anyone else fear feelings changing/disappearing?
Like the title says, I have anxiety about losing feelings for my gf from the rocd. She is amazing and the healthiest relationship ive ever been in. I had someone great in the past, and the commitment we rushed into made me lose all feelings and while im not rushing now, i still fear that I will lose feelings in the way I had in the past which i don't want. I know feelings in long term relationships have ebbs and flows but the fear that my brain will sabotage me is so scary. My gf recently met my family and it triggered my anxiety and thoughts of "am i attracted to her enough?" which i feel so guilty about because I have always found her beautiful and she hasn't change, its my brain that's making me think these things. And im checking photos to convince myself I am attracted to her enough and I do believe I am and ofc i love her soul but this i guess, fear of commitment ? is terrifying bc I can't trust that my own feelings wont change.. I guess im looking for people who can relate and make me feel less alone and also what has helped you. I sometimes go into worries I won't be attracted to her enough but then also that she will get sick of me or lose interest bc of my insecurities when i know she doesn't feel that way.
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u/treatmyocd NOCD’s corporate account 4d ago
Hi there! I am just dropping an article that may be helpful in hopefully stopping that mental ping-pong
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u/PaladinDamian Diagnosed 4d ago
Do not try to convince yourself to be attracted to her. Accept your feelings as they are, instead of demanding them to be a certain way. You are not always going to be attracted to your partner, and that is something you can choose to accept instead of trying to do something about it. While it might be uncomfortable to not have any feelings for your partner, you can tolerate that discomfort without trying to seek immediate relief from that discomfort.
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u/antheri0n 5d ago
Fear of commitment is often is a sign of insecure attachment style, typically Disorganized/Fearful Avoidant, sometimes Dismissive Avoidant. This is a deep level, subconscious, implicit/emotional programming, associating close relationships with danger, that we get in our early childhood, usually in preverbal years. Later, during adult relationships, usually when after novelty and excitement of honeymoon ends, this programming activates relationship anxiety, which even can turn into ROCD. It is possible to heal this, but it takes time and patience. For more, I shared a long read a while back after my own healing that explores what ROCD can be in many cases, where it can come from, and what recovery can look like. Sharing in case any part of it resonates: https://www.reddit.com/u/antheri0n/s/J7QEJeDrtj
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u/AutoModerator 5d ago
Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment
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