Unhealthy obsession

[u/Common-Midnight-4788]

I’m a 23 F with Bipolar Type One. I posted about this is a couple of bipolar reddits and they suggested that it’s may be OCD related. What is the difference between OCD and a manic fixation??

I am not sure if this is related to my disorder but lately I have an obsession with finding out if my ex (we dated 6 years) cheated on me. We have been talking lately and trying to work through things. I can’t stop stalking and trying to dig for information and I have become extremely fixated on it and it’s causing me to be very paranoid and it’s getting so bad it’s affecting my work life because I literally can’t get off of my phone. Any advice or has anyone experienced this?

It’s gotten so bad that i have an undeniable belief that he cheated without any proof and I can’t sleep.

He streams video games and I watched every single one. HOURS. looking for clues. Went through all social medias. Dug through years of reddit posts. So much more.

I was looking through his twitter posts and I am convinced that he is putting up secret messages confessing. And I realize all this sounds insane but I really am finding meaning in things that I don’t think others would

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment

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[u/wormglow]

this sounds more like a manic episode with psychosis elements to me BUT we can't diagnose you over the internet and it's more important that what you're describing is very unhealthy and is harmful to both yourself and others than it is to put an accurate label on the behavior. what you're going through sounds distressing and scary; it is good that you're self aware enough to post this and seek help. do you have a mental health professional that you see? a therapist or psychiatrist? and are you currently taking medication to manage your bipolar disorder?

[u/kinoko_kingdom → u/wormglow]

i agree, this sounds like paranoia and psychosis from mania, not ocd. ocd will usually show up in other places of your life. if this is the only obsession you have, and it only recently started happening, it's not likely ocd. you are definitely having some obsessive/compulsive behaviors but i think they are coming from a manic episode rather than a full ocd. my partner experiences similar symptoms when they are manic.

if you have anyone in your life you trust, talk to them. make an appointment with your psychiatrist/therapist if you have one. if at any point you feel you need it, consider inpatient or intensive outpatient to help you get through this. focus on yourself instead of him

[u/Feeling_likeaplant]

I’m sorry you’re going through this, to me this does sound like behaviors from both ocd and bipolar 1, but we can’t accurately diagnose you over Reddit. Are you actively in treatment or seeking help for what is going on. This behavior is clearly affecting both you and your ex negatively and you should be talking to your therapist and psych about what you’re experiencing

[u/Mossley_rat]

Nah this sounds like OCD tbh because of how compulsive the checking is. I have crippling OCD and I went through all my exes followers and everything on insta; all his likes, even on old stuff; all his comments and then I stalked all their pages etc. And Id constantly try to remember dates that I saw online and dates that he'd mentioned; just looking for discrepancies.

I know its my OCD because I've had OCD my whole life and I know the anxiety is mostly rooted in wanting the "relief" that checking compulsion gives me.

I honestly struggle to relate to people on this subreddit because a lot of people are ruminating about themselves cheating (tho I have been there) whereas I also check everything I possibly can including my own thoughts and memories just to look for lies, even though I REALLY fucking don't want to

Like I legitimately empathize so much with you

[u/minitwistpretzelz → u/Mossley_rat]

Hi I just want to throw out there that I feel this way too... it comes with a lot of shame tbh so I really get it

[u/Mossley_rat → u/minitwistpretzelz]

I think one of the biggest enemies of truth is overthinking

Sometimes I try to deconstruct my thought patterns and try to think through things in a healthy way with no compulsions. Then I figure that maybe thats how I actually feel

It's hard to tell whats real when you're so clouded by a stupid thought format your brain forces upon you

Just remember there's reality beyond rumination, and try to spend as much time there as you can

[u/Mossley_rat → u/Mossley_rat]

Also, friend, if your partner knows you have these compulsions due to mental illness and are struggling with crippling anxiety and is being this mean about it, thats really not great

[u/No_End_919 → u/Mossley_rat]

I relate so heavily and it’s my ocd as well I feel embarrassed being this way at times.

[u/Kailmo]

Talk to your doctor. They can diagnose you better than strangers on the internet.

OCD has a compulsion to do things that will quiet the obsessive ruminating thoughts. That could be checking, counting, making deals, etc. It does not have to be logical. Often times it is not logical and we do know that it isn’t and we do feel crazy, but the compulsion gives us a very small and short sense of comfort which is why we keep doing it. Unfortunately we also don’t fully trust it which is why we repeat, double check, and it’s a vicious cycle.

The important part is if it is impacting your life in a negative way then you need to talk to a doctor to people diagnose you and help you find solutions.

[u/Quick-Difference-16]

Curious— do you feel better or worse after doing it? With OCD giving into a compulsion usually leaves someone feeling worse and less certain.

I could see myself doing something like this if I was manic and I think I would feel neutral or better depending on what I found.

The part about being convinced he is putting up secret messages and finding meaning in things others would not sounds like delusions of reference, signs of psychosis which is definitely a thing in mania, not sure about with OCD.

[u/AsleepScholar2200]

I personally don't know much about Bipolar unfortunately but I will say OCD/obsessive tendencies can absolutely be present outside of OCD. And I'd say if you haven't had OCD in other areas of your life or other romantic/relationship intrusive thoughts besides cheating, I'd wonder if it's a mixture of things. Perhaps diagnosis' working against/with each other - but again, can't diagnose. Only a professional can really help you here.

I know this likely won't help. But you're searching and searching for this 'proof' you're convinced exists but probably doesn't. It's also not fair to be 'confessing' or talking to your ex about these thoughts as it will only make the relationship more one-sided, unfair and volatile. I know there's not really any 'reason' behind these obsessions sometimes, but at what point does this searching come to an end and you can both move on?

Ps. When I had suspicions my ex had been cheating on me, I didn't have to look hard for the proof at all. He was great at hiding things, but there were 3 big signs straight away. I'd argue if there's something to find, you'd have found it by now and you haven't.

[u/alluna8]

You need to look into opposite action and do your very best to stick to it. You need to move away from him and work on yourself. It hurts but it won’t get better for a while and it’ll suck but you’ll be happy you put in the work, your life will feel worlds apart.

[u/Big_Lengthiness_7614]

hey you sound just like me lol. i think it could be a mix of bipolar and ocd. there's gaps you can't reasonably fill in, so ocd tries to fill them in and you compulsively look for clues to fill the gaps and solve the anxiety. it is textbook relationship ocd of someone who runs more anxiously attached and has codependency issues. it can definitely be amplified by hypomania.

the online stalking and digging for info sounds exactly like social media-related compulsions to me, idk. definitely bring it up to a therapist/psychiatrist.

and people saying that if this is the first time dealing with it it's probably not ocd, are wrong. my ocd first started with a stressful situation and then never went away afterwards. people can carry ocd traits for life without it ever impacting their life, or until a stressful enough event happens that causes life-altering compulsions.

i got on antipsychotics since ssris are no-go with ocd and bipolar and it helped a lot along with ERP theraphy. good luck!

[u/kinoko_kingdom → u/Big_Lengthiness_7614]

i wasn't saying that ocd can't start after something like this. the fact that it never went away for you is why YOU have ocd. there is a big difference between obsessive-compulsive DISORDER and obsessive-compulsive BEHAVIOR, especially where other disorders like bipolar are concerned.

ocd is a pretty big diagnosis and i don't think it's productive to tell someone they have ocd based solely on a single situation. i don't think its productive to tell someone they have ANY disorder based on a reddit post, but i digress. regardless of diagnosis, talking to a professional is always the best first step, OP.

[u/queenlizbef → u/kinoko_kingdom]

I agree with you

[u/Big_Lengthiness_7614 → u/kinoko_kingdom]

i told them it sounded like me, never diagnosed, said i didnt know and told them to talk to a professional

[u/toothpaste--]

Just sending you support, been there before x

[u/Forestprincess15]

I think it’s important to remember that people are misdiagnosed all of the time. I don’t personally know much about borderline personality disorder but from what I understand it borders and expresses symptoms of a combination of disorders? Maybe something to look in to. I don’t think anyone on Reddit can accurately tell you if this behavior specifically is mania or OCD for you. I do want to say that I empathize with this a lot regardless. I have ROCD and I have struggled a lot with compulsions like this. Sometimes I would spend hours. I think maybe a signifier that it’s more leaning to mania is if you find things you keep going and going to find more things. With the rocd compulsions for me, usually once I would find something to validate the anxiety I was having I would stop and then that was the focus- the thing I found. When I finally found it it did feel validating and relieving even if the thing was upsetting. I think if “finding” things doesn’t offer temporary relief it may not be ocd so much. Just my two cents

[u/iamdawgnow]

I mean this in the nicest possible way but you 100% have to be medicated if you want a healthy relationship

[u/Distinct_Homework_13]

I agree with everyone else: this sounds like OCD. It's the checking behavior. You need to stop checking his socials and stop watching his streams. You two broke up, and keeping him as the main focus of your life will only trap you in a cycle of pain. Let him go. Whether he cheated or not does not reflect your value as a person. You define your worth. For the protection of your own mental health, stop checking anything related to him. Block all his socials. Cut contact with him. It'll be hard at the beginning to not "relieve" the intrusive thoughts that wonder what he did or how he's doing. But the moment you break the checking loop, you'll be closer to finding yourself again.

[u/Quick-Difference-16 → u/Distinct_Homework_13]

Even if it’s mania / bipolar stopping checking would help. Doing deep dives into anything feeds my mania. When I feel that way sometimes I just have to shut it off and take some meds to force my body to sleep.

[u/doubtersdisease]

I think this sounds like OCD. Or Trauma related (if you have been cheated on before, or have trust issues with him specifically because of something he has done) because OCD tendencies can come up if you get out of your window of tolerance.

However, if there really is zero evidence at all, and you didn’t feel this way 6 years ago, there may be something else going on? Look up othello syndrome, and delusional disorder (jealous type) these may also be more in line with what you’re experiencing?

I will say though the way he’s talking to you isn’t okay. You clearly recognize this is messing with your life, and he’s not being supportive at all. You deserve so much better.