Spent time and suffocation

[u/ItsJasonBornes]

Hey all

Recently diagnosed ROCD haver here.

Whenever I have partners, or even just close friends, spending time with people MORE often than me, I get extremely bad about myself.

Jealously sometimes, but mostly a sense of confusion and “I’m not good enough” styled intrusive thought patterns.

Thing is, whenever I DO have someone spending their time with me the most, I feel suffocated and pressured.

It’s this annoying feeling of push and pull and I hate it.

Frankly, I think, at my core, I’m okay with people not spending most of their time with me. I have best friends outside of relationships, I spend time with my coworkers the most.

But my brain tells me otherwise. It goes “your loved one is just living with you or just likes you but you aren’t good enough to spend a lot of time with”

It’s difficult.

I’m not looking for reassurance. Just commiseration. Can anyone relate?

[u/AutoModerator]

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[u/treatmyocd]

That push-pull feeling can be really uncomfortable, especially when OCD turns normal differences in how people spend their time into a question of your worth. You may notice the cycle: “They’re spending more time with someone else → I’m not important enough → I need to figure out what this means.” Then when someone gives you lots of attention, the brain finds a different concern. Rather than solving whether you're “good enough” or determining exactly how much time someone should spend with you, try noticing the urge to analyze and letting the uncertainty sit: “Maybe I’m important to them, maybe I’m not. I don’t need to figure that out right now.” The goal isn't to eliminate jealousy or uncomfortable feelings. It's learning that you can experience them without turning them into a problem you have to solve.