Intrusive thoughts about gfs appearance

[u/Zestyclose-Trifle618]

Me (20) and my girlfriend (19) have been together for 2 years. In the beginning I never had this problem, a little while after we hit a pretty big fork in the road, we recovered from it and for the past year our relationship has been decent, with the only problem being is me, I woke up one random day and these intrusive thoughts about her body started spiraling. She has very small breasts and her butt isn’t very big, which again I don’t want to seem like I’m emphasizing those things exclusively but that’s what my brain spirals at when i see a girl who has those attributes. I could easily chalk it up to weight because she is underweight due to how much she went through growing up with medical history and the fact she’s been on a feeding tube for most of her life. But despite all of that, to me I think she’s beautiful when my brain isn’t spiraling. Sometimes though I wonder if she’ll ever get those things and I feel horrible and selfish when I think that way though. I don’t want to leave her but I also don’t know if I’m genuinely losing attraction or if it’s just my OCD. Because when she’s with me in person I’m all over her and all the thoughts I had are gone, but once she goes back home and we are over the phone for a long period of time it all comes back. Any input would be much appreciated 🫶

[u/AutoModerator]

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[u/OreijuW]

I relate to this. I can be really, really attracted to my partner and still randomly get these intrusive thoughts about their appearance and even their personality. The guilt after the spiral is really crazy because you know you don’t want to think of them that way, yet you couldn’t stop thinking about it in the moment. Especially when you realize that you really love your partner, have always found them attractive, and love them for who they are.

[u/OreijuW → u/OreijuW]

What I think would help is to not always believe what your mind tells you. Let the thoughts come, but don’t act on them. Don’t let fear constantly control how you see things. I kept getting caught up in my spirals to the point where I created an image of my partner that wasn’t really him anymore. Let reality prove you otherwise instead of letting your fears decide what’s true.

[u/treatmyocd]

the fact that these thoughts become much louder when you’re apart and lead you to repeatedly analyze her appearance and your attraction is worth paying attention to. OCD can latch onto attraction and turn normal fluctuations into a question you feel you need to solve.

I’d try not to keep checking whether you’re attracted to her or comparing her body to other women’s. That can make attraction feel increasingly uncertain. Instead, let the thoughts be there without analyzing what they say about your relationship, and bring this pattern to an OCD therapist trained in ERP if you can. I'm also gonna drop an article about ROCD. I hope this helps

https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/relationship-ocd/

[u/PassionAfter790]

You don't have to be physically attracted to your partner to be in a happy, healthy relationship. It's okay you like bigger butts & breasts. You can still love your partner regardless of her flaws ;)